A Modest Proposal

The unravelling of the fabric of American society as we know it (known in short-hand as "2008") has reached proportions I had never thought possible. From the global financial collapse to shoes being thrown at Bush, this country and our society is in a tailspin. The response of government officials and/or respective authorities charged with correcting these severe problems is to pretend no one was ever responsible for them and then to throw money at them and hope to God they will go away soon.

Unsurprisingly, this approach doesn't seem to be working. The I-bankers who made the supremely idiotic decisions which led to the financial meltdown are still at the helm of our largest financial institutions, the Big Three automakers are going to get a bridge loan to another bridge loan, and so on. Apparently, it is terribly out of fashion to hold people accountable for their actions. But, without accountability, there are no consequences, and without consequences, there are no lessons to be learned, and without lessons to be learned, well, you get the idea.

When I was a kid, if my brother and I cursed, we got our mouths scrubbed with soapy washcloths. I hit my brother with a switch one time, so my dad hit me with the same switch. If we erred, we were punished. A simple concept which is lost on many a scumbag these days. So, am I suggesting we wash their mouths out with soap? Not exactly. Even going back to the Ken Lays and Dennis Kozlowskis who literally stole from their employees to fund their lavish lifestyles, the offences these people have been perpetrating have been especially heinous and downright malicious. Now, with Bernard Madoff, a new low has been reached and it seems an example has been set: screw everyone else; I can do what I want when I want.

Stay with me, now. We have never been so unfortunate as to have a reign of terror in this country. Even the British, our sophisticated forebears, had the Cromwellian Protectorate. The French had their Robespierre, the Russians Stalin, the Germans...well, we don't need to go there. At first glance, a reign of terror sounds awful and anathema to democracy. But, it also restores order, sets examples, and purges a society of its worst elements.

Therefore, it is my modest proposal that upon taking office, President Obama implements a program to purge American society of its current toxins. To do this, we're going to need a few public executions. The obvious ones are politicians suspected of corruption. Coerce some confessions, stage some quick show trials, and make the subsequent executions a public spectacle on the National Mall. Follow suit with the biggest offenders responsible for financial meltdown and defintely loop in the heads of the Big Three. I would say with 400-500 public executions, people should get the idea and start behaving.

As a society, we have become way too forgiving, as well as fat, stupid, and lazy. As such, we're probably also going to need a few camps to send people when they don't...meet certain criteria. If we can hit the ground running and get these two things going quickly, we should be in pretty good shape. I wish it didn't come to this, but we're really left with no choice. The people need to change their behavior and there's no chance of that with democracy. Do youself a favor, nay, do your COUNTRY a favor and DEMAND that President Obama institutes a reign of terror without delay.

'Tis The Season

I am of the opinion that there is a yin and yang to the holiday season; for all of the bacchanalia and bonhomie of the season, there are traffic jams, competitions of a carnal nature, and generally uncomfortable obligations (whether they are office holiday parties or fighting the mob to get your kid that new doo-dad for $89.95). Simply put, the holidays often bring both the best and the worst in us.

This past weekend, I donned my armor and weaponry and set forth on a mission to slay my holiday beasts in a one-weekend span. I was armed with a list, a large coffee, and a full tank of gas. Driving out of my development, I felt like one of those soldiers in the landing craft on D-Day, mentally preparing myself for the bloody challenges which lie ahead.

I started off small: Stop & Shop. While I didn't expect a lot of resistance, I did expect to be navigating around people frantically buying turkeys, hams, and other Christmas goodies. But, no, just another Saturday at the Norwalk S+S. No problem.

I decided to up the ante a little bit and head to Target. Wow. Street parking. Didn't expect that. All I needed were gift cards, so to Customer Service I went. No line? Weird. OK, Customer Service says I need to go to a register. Oh boy, this is where I meet my end. Wait a minute. 1, 2, 3, 4 registers have no lines. Where the hell is everybody?

OK, off to Lord and Taylor. There has to be a battle waiting for me there. Hmmmm, lost-looking men? Check. Holiday music barely audible amidst the screaming and shuffling of indulgent Fairfield County housewives? Check. HA! Here was the battle I was anticipating. Before I could start pushing and adding to the chaos, I noticed a lot of black-clad, bored-looking, idle store clerks. The lost-looking men were husbands of the bitchy, bratty houswives trying on boots, jeans, jewelry, and makeup. This wasn't holiday chaos! This was a normal Saturday!

When I walked back to the car (a short walk, mind you, meaning the store wasn't really that busy), I realized two things. One, the economic crisis is for real. Maybe more people are shopping online, maybe I happened to come along on an off weekend, but something was off. The second thing is I was spoiling for conflict, even though I tell myself and others I don't like the drama of the holidays. I guess an essential component of my holiday normalcy is fighting the crowds. Even though the ease in which I got things done should have been a HUGE convenience, it was alien to me. I wonder if any of you have experienced this.

Disappointed, but loaded with schwag in record time, I made my way home. Oh, shoot, I need to go to Walmart for some bulk stuff. As I turned the corner on Danbury Road and saw that every single parking space in the immense Walmart parking lot was taken, I knew I would get my fight yet.

The amount of CRAP people were furiously loading in their shopping carts made me realize we are still an impulse-driven society, just one that has to go down-market this year. On the paper towel aisle, I was almost run over (twice) by people running with shopping carts to beat others to the toy and electronic sections. I saw two people in a tug-of-war, literally, with a flat screen TV, which was marked down quite a bit, and one kid crying while self-consumed adults paid no mind as they rushed past her in order to shower their kids with useless, dangerous, Chinese-made dreck on Christmas Day. I took a deep breath and sighed. Even though I didn't need anything, I decided it would be healthy for me to jump in the fray for a few minutes. "HEY! I had it first!" And a happy new year...

Koyaanisqatsi

"Koyaanisqatsi" is a Hopi word meaning "life out of balance". It is also the title of an amazing 1982 documentary in which music and images are brilliantly juxtaposed; there is no dialogue or words spoken, save for the film's namesake ominously and repetitously chanted at its beginning and end. I have seen the entire film once in a college film class and fortuitously stumbled upon it last night on an obsure high-numbered cable channel. As it did seven years ago, it very quickly sucked me in, but this time amazed me more.

From a macro level, I think what I like most about "Koyaanisqatsi" is that it is a snap-shot of every facet of American life as it was in 1982. You can see a movie that was filmed that year or watch reruns of shows which ran during that time, but by showcasing such mundane images (such as cars driving on freeways or people scurrying in train stations) the film's director, Godfrey Reggio, allows the viewer to see how America was without its makeup. The length of time he focuses on each image, all while haunting melodies are repeating themselves over and over, gives you the opportunity to make analysis after analysis of what you are seeing. Like good sex, it is exhausting, yet wonderful.

On a micro level, however, Reggio's "snap-shot" shows us the contradictions of America as it was. It reminds me of Mark Twain's stinging observations of the West around the turn of the 20th Century, with "her pocket full of boodle, and her mouth full of pious hypocrisies. Give her soap and a towel, but hide the looking-glass." He begins the film by showcasing this country's natural beauty and then rudely interrupts this montage with footage of strip-mining. Then, a family is shown sunbathing on a beach, but when the camera slowly zooms out and pans up, we see they are literally in the shadow of a nuclear power plant. The entire middle section of the film shows how our industry and innovation has actually made us anonymous pegs in a giant machine (the visual juxtapositions are blatant in presenting this assumption). But, the brilliance of the film is that the imagery is not presented in a biased way: you see for yourself what were the mundane aspects of 1982. There's nothing sugar-coating it, but there is nothing demonizing it, either.

"Koyaanisqatsi" itself is a contradiction; it is hauntingly beautiful. But, watching it last night made me wonder what images we would see if the film were reprised today. Certainly, many of the same contradictions still exist, but we have many different images, situations, and scenarios today, the complexity of which someone from 1982 would not be able to put their head around. But, it shows that, regardless of how much control we have over the things which surround us, life will always be out of balance.

What's Wrong With Bankruptcy?

Yesterday, a good friend of mine sent me a mock magazine ad (see left), meant to look like it came from a car company, which read: "You Wouldn't Buy Our Shitty Cars. So, We'll Be Taking Your Money Anyway. The Bailout. Coming This January." Initially, it gave me a chuckle, then a stir, and then it led me to ask: Why are we giving these dinosaurs a free pass?

Rather than focus on the implications of an auto industry bailout, I think it's more useful to focus on how Detroit got here. Let's face it: Detroit has been struggling for the better part of 20 years. One reason is globalization, which Detroit has fought tooth and nail. Regional trade agreements, joint ventures, mergers, acquisitions, and all the other facets of global economic integration have made imported cars much more readily available in the US market. Because of that, the number of different imported cars has skyrocketed, so, based on the tenets of supply and demand, the price for Mercedes', Lexus', BMW's, and the like have gone way down to a point where more people can afford them. But, the biggest reason is that Detroit, once the center of automobile innovation, has become an imitator. At the expense of creating "normal" cars (four-door sedans, etc), they foolishly poured all of their capital and creativity into developing gas-guzzling behemoths. I seriously wonder, when this business model was conceived, if anyone in the boardroom asked what would happen if the price of oil ever jumped to, say, $147/bbl?

I understand that the union costs and "$73/hour for the average worker" are a huge part of this, but these are realities that have been baked in for decades. Unfortunately, they are unavoidable and must be dealt with. What I am stuck on is the paper-thin security of this business model. Of course, the Big Three had every right to surf the wave of cheap oil in 90's and build a thriving business based on such cheap oil. A crucial part of business is successfully capitalizing on events which are out of your control. However, to survive, you have to be flexible; have a proverbial "Plan B". What we are now seeing is that Plan B is to ask for the government, and by extension taxpayers, to assume the consequences of your egregious errors.

The cornerstone of modern capitalism is that there will be winners and losers. Unfortunately, thanks to the "Everybody-gets-a-trophy" mentality that has crept into our society, apparently now it is the taxpayers' role to take care of the losers. This is bogus. It used to be when your business model was flawed, you tweaked it and tried again. And if you were big enough, like the size of Ford, GM, or Chrysler, for example, you got to file for bankruptcy, which is basically a business do-over. You would go into a room for a couple of months, make some cuts here, some additions there, get some new management, and, voila, you had a new and improved, lean, mean, business machine. It didn't always work, but sometimes it did.

The bottom line is, however, if you wanted the rewards, you had to assume the risk, as well. But, now, we've decided that it's a better idea to give the Big Three a "Get Out of Jail" card and throw money at the problem, an economic version of tinkling on a forest fire. What's going to happen at the end of the month when the $15 billion is spent up, but payroll can't be made and materials can't be purchased? You can bet that these same CEO's are going to come back to Washington with their tails between their legs asking for one more chance.

Frankly, I don't think they deserve a second chance. Like with every other company who had a crappy business model, the "winds of creative destruction" need to shatter them into a million pieces and, a-la Evil T-1000, they need to re-gel into an entity or entities that are equipped to deal with the realities of the 21st Century global market. I'm not going to claim what this entails, as I am not a Harvard-educated CEO. But, I do know that throwing taxpayer money at the problem is only going to make us all poorer. As such, bankruptcy is the only answer. Jobs will be lost, yes, and benefits will be cut. Some cars we take for granted today might not be on the road tomorrow. But, this is all going to happen anyway. We might as well let it happen in a way we can manage and that will enable us to create something in the inevitable ashes of these unfixable corporations.

Hey, Sarah Palin! Go Away!

Why won't she just fade away into obscurity, already? Nine days out from a decisive defeat (not a landslide, but decisive nonetheless), Sarah Palin is still campaigning. A lot of people say she's positioning herself for a run at becoming Alaska's US Senator or (shudder) President in 2012. I think, like John Boehner and a lot of other Republicans out there, she is a sore loser and needs to bow out of the limelight with whatever grace and dignity she still has.

It's obvious that the Republican party is on the verge of civil war and in many ways it already is. Say what you want about Palin's impact on the campaign or the financial crisis, John McCain never rallied his troops. With the successful hijacking of the Republican party by reactionary, xenophobic religious extremists, politicians of once seemingly sound minds have had to pay lip service to the hateful and divisive elements of the party. Even Johnny Mac, who once correctly referred to Jerry Fallwell and his minions as "agents of intolerance", publicly kissed and made up with the old bastard prior to locking up the GOP nomination. Fortunately, irreparable brand damage and reality itself have countered the appeal of this wretched ideology.

It was this change in the winds that enabled John McCain to secure the nomination. But, it also was his downfall, as it was impossible to bridge the gap between resurgent, old-school Republicans and the now-defamed, newer breed of intolerant xenophobes. McCain, thus, sought to bridge the gap by choosing as his running mate someone who embodies this born-again, red-meat-spewing paranoia; he chose Sarah Palin.

Early on, she was a great hatchet-woman. She went after Obama, Biden, and the "elitist" media with a vengeance. She brilliantly acted as aggressor, while portraying herself as the victim. And despite my post from 9/4/2008 where I predicted she would be the demise of the GOP ticket, I was scared for awhile that voters would actually buy her elite-bashing fear-mongering, like they did with Karl Rove's manufactured distraction of gay marriage in 2004.

However, her gaffes, her glaring contradictions, and her plain stupidity resonated with people and when the economy was on death's doorstep in late September-early October, people woke up and smelled the coffee: this woman could be a heartbeat away from the presidency. Scary. Despite everything telling her and her handlers that her strategy was not a winning one, she not only kept it up, but she increased it. Her attacks on the Democrats and the media crossed the line to where they were just mean-spirited, to the point where at one point she even implied that people who live in less conservative places and vote for Democrats are not real Americans. I don't know how things work up in your frozen, barren, wasteland of a state, Sarah, but you don't win people over by insulting them.

But, a lot of McCain's campaign and his adherents subscribed to this mean-spirited garbage. Throughout the general election campaign, McCain events had a bitter edge to them and his disciples really had chips on their shoulder. Some of his events resembled lynch mobs with one or two yahoo's screaming out that they should "hang the terrorist!". This whole mentality, strategy, and atmosphere was exacerbated by the new Queen of Mean, Sarah Palin.

And she just won't shut up...or give up. She's on Today, Extra!, local news, everywhere still spewing her venom. She's keeping on with this negative campaigning and there is no campaign! The only thing I can surmise she is doing is publicly gunning to be the new standard-bearer of intolerant wing of the party. But, in so doing, she is further alienating the Republicans from main-stream America and tarnishing the Republican brand name. Unfortunately, she plays well in places like Alabama, Texas, and Oklahoma where a Darky-Socialist as President is a tough pill to swallow. I expect that she'll be around for awhile, but will hopefully contradict and gaffe herself into oblivion. And when she finally does, good riddance!

HELP! I'm Being Micromanaged.

I am in a tight spot right now. Very recently and very suddenly, my direct supervisor has become very constricting in her management style. Though she never deferred things to me, she had always exhibited trust in my knowledge and capacity to execute tasks both complex and mundane. Sure there were times where I made mistakes or glossed over a minute detail or two, but I learned from those experiences and applied the corrective actions. I am, after all, a human being and learning a new role does not come without it's share of goofs.

But within the past couple of weeks, she's been very assertive with the dominant role she has in our working relationship. For example, she has been making noticeably more references to the fact that she manages our team and our workload. Where in the past she has welcomed cooperating with other teams and has been supportive of my being a resource for collaborative projects, she is now becoming agitated with other managers and me when I have been working on such collaborations (a turf war has even broken out with another team). She is giving detail-specific directions on tasks as routine as writing an email and is becoming more and more critical of my performance by the day. And most worrying, she has painted me into a corner in terms of what sort of contributions she wants me to make to the point where I'm afraid these new limitations could be perceived as a sort of demotion by other teams.

There could be a million things contributing to this change in behavior. Her boss could have taken a similar turn and she could be reflecting that in her relationship with me. She could be nervous with the economic environment and thinks that being more...direct would make our team perform better. It could be personal problems. Or all of the above. The fact of the matter is there is nothing I can do except grin and accept it. A job is a job, after all.

I mean, what can you really say to your boss when they're behaving this way? If the company's atmosphere is more permissive and less bureaucratic, you might be able to have a sit-down, but unfortunately, my company is very conservative in terms of its bureaucracy and deference to hierarchy. And despite the fact that my boss has always encouraged open communication, I'm afraid that having this sort of discussion might be construed as an attack on her character and I really don't want to rock the boat.

The tact that I have decided to take is to roll with it and not let it get to me. There are going to be times where I am going to be pushed, but keeping my cool when things get dicey and acrimonious has always been a challenge for me, so I am trying to use this as a learning experience. My hope is that it will make me a better communicator and a better listener.

At the end of the day, I need to get my work done and if I let this permeate my psyche, my productivity will crash. Furthermore, taking it home with me will ruin the time I have away from this place. So, when Becky asks me how my day was, my standard answer has been "Fine, thanks. Elizabeth was a bitch. What do you want for dinner?" By leaving the battle at my office, it makes it easier to come here every morning and fight another day.

As PrettyMike always tells me, this, too, shall pass. My boss will lighten up (both in her mood and grip) and our working relationship will get back to the way it was. Despite turning into a programmed robot and punching the clock when I am micromanaged, I'm keeping my eye on the prize and am trying to learn as much as I can. It's the only lemonade I can make with this lemon, but lemonade nonetheless.

A Black Sheriff?

Why not? It worked in Blazing Saddles.

Just when my faith in the American people had bottomed out, they made the right choice for President yesterday. It hasn't really set in for me yet, but what we all witnessed yesterday easily ranks in the top five amazing things to have happened in American history. We might not have been the first developed, industrialized, G-7 country to elect a woman as Commander in chief, but by God, we were the first to elect a person of African descent. For a country whose own historical image is so blighted with racism, this is the ultimate redeemer. Pat yourself on the back, America. You done good.

That said, we done good more so because we picked the better candidate. Period. His resume may be paper thin, but his ability to inspire us is truly amazing. Unlike 2000 or 2004, elections that were so tainted with acrimony, in 2008 I have been receiving calls from some of the staunchest Republicans saying things like "He's our President now and I respect that. But, Goddammit, he better keep that bitch Pelosi on a short leash!"

To all of those Republicans out there (God love 'em), I think you can rest easy. Number one, the Senate is not filibuster-proof, so I suspect we'll see the cots rolled in a few times. Number two, the organizational juggernaut that was the Obama campaign demonstrates how meticulous this guy is in surrounding himself with people who know what they're doing and do it well. In stark contrast to his predecessor, who once wanted someone on the Supreme Court whose main qualification was to once say to him "You are the best President ever!", Obama has been surrounding himself with talented and effectual people from all ends of the spectrum. In this sense, he is Bill Clinton 2.0, so I don't think we have to worry about Communist re-education camps.

The only question mark is the House. While Obama is a healer and someone who, despite what his critics say, appeals to everyone, Nancy Pelosi is a stereotype of liberalism at its worst. She is an effete San Francisco liberal culture warrior who probably came to mind and subsequently caused hesitation in the minds of millions yesterday prepared to vote for Obama. Her time, and all of the other greater-than-or-equal-to Baby Boomers' time, has come and hopefully Obama will usher in new kind of politician, one not steeped in this 60's nonsense that is completely useless in the face of 21st Century challenges.

There you have it: despite the fact the guy is black (or half-black; either way, it's HUGE!), he is so anti-status quo. This election has changed American politics forever, from the players to the 30 minute infomercials, and for the better. And that's what I can't get my head around. There will be tests and there will be struggles, but hopefully we have been inspired to get things done and have inspired the world to once again get behind us.

Denouement

At long last, the 2008 general election will be decided tomorrow...just in time for the 2012 campaigns to kick off. I, for one, am happy it's over. Despite definitely voting for Obama, I am not convinced a McCain presidency would be a "kiss of death, unless he kicks the bucket and, God forbid, Sarah Palin is President.

No, I think McCain is so desperate to win this thing that he'll say anything and kiss any butt that he think will make it for him. If he's to win, I think once he gets in office he will disown the southern-fried moralists (Thank you, Economist) he's been courting since becoming the GOP nominee. Conversely, I don't think Obama is going to be the Black-Nationalist-Socialist all the hystericals think he's going to be. The fact of the matter is whoever inherits the White House is not going to have time to play ideological politics because they are going to be charged with cleaning up KooKoo Bananahead's incompetence.

What a contrast it is from the 2000 election. Our biggest problem was that we had too much of a surplus. I think if someone from 2000 walked into a time warp and emerged in 2008, their head would probably explode: they wouldn't be able to cognitively process who much this country's situation has deteriorated. Two wars? The World Trade Center and the Pentagon had planes flown into them? Gas is $4 per gallon? What's a "credit default swap? We are in a very bad place and whoever wins is either going to be a national hero, forever endeared in the annals of American history, or a miserable failure that would make Jimmy Carter look like a decisive leader.

I have said it repeatedly, but I think we need someone who is going to challenge us; a sort of "national personal trainer". As a society, we are out of shape in every way possible and we need to recapture some of our old spirit. I think the person to do this is Barack Obama; you might think differently. Either way, go vote; it will make you feel big and strong. (Thanks, Bob Schieffer)

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

There is that "holiday" feeling in this office today. Number one, everyone is wearing jeans, which is normally anathema to the Directors around here, what with being robots without the ability to feel human emotion and all. Two, the normally silent-except-for-clicking-of-keyboards sea of cubicles is lively with idle chit-chat about tonight's planned bacchanalia. Nothing is going to get done today.

That's because it's the day of the year that's tied for best with Christmas: Halloween. Whatever your plans are and who/whatever you are dressed as, have a great day and an even better night!

Why is Being Rich Bad?

If the Republicans and their red meat were to be believed, you would think they would applaud Barack Obama's pledges to cut taxes for those making (what is it now?) less than $200,000 per year. After all, this is now the party of "Joe the Plumber", the little guy, and the "real America". They're looking out for YOU and intend to be a bulwark between you and everyone on the Socialist take. No, hard-scrabble, blue collar, American. No elitist, utopian, Pinko, fag-loving, Jew-liberals are gonna take YOUR money.

Meanwhile, Democrats are making their tired appeals to unions and spouting off their anti-corporate boilerplate language, making claims to end tax breaks for the big, bad, oil companies and unpatriotic companies who ship jobs overseas. Only the bourgeois pampered richies will have tax increases; the rest of you, you hardworking heroes, you, will have tax cuts. HUZZAH!

So, while both candidates have been racing to the bottom with their opportunistic populism to court the "Joes", rich people have either been demonized or swept under the rug. They are the perennial scapegoat for the Dems and the hot potato this year for the GOP. Such pariahs, they are, those people who work hard and make tons of money. How unAmerican! But, this is something that has been creeping into American culture for awhile, based on my observations, way before the financial meltdown or even this year's Presidential campaigns.

There is no denying it: my family is loaded. My great-grandfather, Nathan Gumenick, lived the American dream. He was the son of poor immigrants in Baltimore and, yada yada yada, worked his ass off and died a multimillionaire at 95 in sunny Miami Beach. I thought stories like this are celebrated and hallowed in American culture; with a lot of grit and determination, you can make your dreams come true. I thought it's everyone's dream to work hard, make money, and leave the next generation better off than yours was.

But throughout my life, I have always been made to feel guilty because of where, and more importantly who, I came from. I've always encountered people who have made snide comments about the car I was driving or the size of my parents' house. As a younger man, I got so guilted that I vowed that when I was out on my own, I would live more modestly than my parents because I wanted to be "real". If I could, I would go back in time and kick Younger-Me's ass. Not because it's so stupid that I was so concerned with being "real", or even that I thought I could be less "real" with a lot of money, but because this world is a rough place and a lot of money won't make all problems go away, but it certainly helps. Who in their right mind (besides a nun/monk who takes a vow of poverty) would want less than what they were brought up with? This is when I would back-hand Younger-Me.

But, the fact of the matter is that we are now conditioned to frown on prosperity. Even I have been browbeating "greedy" Wall Street. In this country, it used to be that we viewed someone who got rich as an example; someone we could learn from. Now, we view people who get rich with jealousy and resentment. Wealth is demonized because of our collective sense of entitlement and victim mentality born in the Great Society. Viewed through this lens, the wealth people acquire is not made through one's own hard work, but at someone else's expense.

The Presidential campaigns have appropriated this and are capitalizing on it. However, by doing so, they are stifling the ideal of "manifest destiny" and perpetuating the victim mentality. Case-in-point, look at Barack Obama's infomercial last night (which, I must say, was brilliant and has turned a new page in presidential politics). His "American stories" were not about successes, but about failures. Not one of them captured the American spirit as we know it. No one was celebrated for growing a small business or beatified for an innovation or creation. It focused on people who need help and that's all.

I guess that's the mood we're in this time round, but that type of pandering doesn't serve us well. The candidates should focus less on everything they're going to do to help, and more on how we can contribute to making ourselves whole again, by promoting and sustaining an environment that supports prosperity. Despite what the two parties think, neither of them have a monopoly on that objective. However, the two of them are as far from that sentiment as they ever have been. It's wrong for America.

The Agony of Being a Tennessee Fan

University of Tennessee fans and fans of any Philadelphia professional sports team have one very important thing in common: they are quick to turn on their team when things start going so south and when they do so, they do it with a vengeance. Many a Tennessee football coach, including legend Johnny Majors, has seen moving vans arrive at his house when the three-loss threshold has been reached. Sometimes, the pranks are a lot worse.

As a typical Tennessee fan, myself, I am partial to screaming "YOU SUCK!" when we don't make first downs and laugh sarcastically when we get penalties. I see it as "tough love". People who watch the game with me, however, wonder why I get so angry watching the team that I supposedly love. I retort that it is the agony of being a Tennessee fan.

If normal seasons result in agony, this season has resulted in pure, electrode-clipped-to-nipples, flown-to-a-secret-CIA-prison-and-waterboarded torture. The first game against UCLA, our defense (which is amazing) forced four interceptions in the first half. But, our offense (which is abysmal) failed to capitalize on any of them. The then-quarterback, Jonathan Crompton, was a basket-case who, when he wasn't running head-first into the opposing secondary, was screaming at his receivers for not catching the pass he threw to the sixth row in the bleachers. Because of sheer offensive impotence, the defense spent way too much time on the field and was exhausted by the end of the game and ended up relenting in overtime.

And this has been the story all season. Two weeks after that heart-breaker, Florida marched into Knoxville and silenced the crowd of 106,000 by pile-driving us 30-6. The orange exodus from the stadium at the start of the third quarter was stunning. Subsequently, the nail-biting loss to Auburn of 14-12 (whose offense is also abysmal), the thorough defeat by Georgia of 26-14, and Saturday's lashing by arch-rival Alabama of 29-9, has given the Vols their worst season since I can remember. The only SEC team we have beaten was Mississippi State and the only other two games we have won were the gimmes against Alabama-Birmingham (who?) and Northern Illinois (huh?).

This monstrosity has led to more militant Tennessee bloggers to call for coach Philip Fulmer's fat head (some of them literally). Some want them to lose all of their games so it is clear he needs to be fired (the "Throwing-out-the-baby-with-the-bath-water" approach). No true Tennessee fan, including yours truly, wants to see him at the helm next season. But, is it really all his fault?

Yes, Fulmer lacks any sort of charisma or leadership qualities, does not inspire discipline, and his murky recruiting dealings have hurt the team's reputation. But, he was the only coach to give us a national championship since 1967. And, let's face it: Florida, Georgia, Alabama, and Auburn are all really good teams. Maybe we shouldn't have lost to all of them, but I don't think any team this year, not even Texas, would be able to slay all of those beasts, especially not powerhouse Alabama. And even Alabama, as good as they are this year, still has to play at LSU November 8. The SEC is just the best conference in college football. Period.

As a cooler head in this debacle (yet heated up, nonetheless), I am prone writing this season off. We're not going to a bowl game, at least not a good one, and, needless to say, we are not in contention for the SEC East, let alone the entire conference. We will probably have a new coach next season and we will probably be back to our perennial second or third place in the SEC East. I might be deluding myself, but to use a mantra that Boston Red Sox and Chicago Cubs fans know all too well, "There's always next year".

Obama's Gamble

A lot of hubbub was made a few weeks back (yours truly, included) when John McCain suspended his campaign to "sort out" this financial crisis. It smacked of opportunism and, like most of his campaign decisions to date, it seemed impulsive and not well-thought-out. Of course, he was shamed back into "resuming" his campaign.

Now, Obama is taking a few days off to go to Hawaii to visit his ailing grandmother. With the exception of a few pundits out there, most people are regarding this as a legitimate hiatus. Though, I will be appalled if, in that time, he shamelessly has the press following him around. If he's going to visit his grandmother because he's afraid she might not have much longer, as he insists, he needs to tell his press entourage to kick back at Waikiki beach for a few days and give him some space.

That said, this suspension and McCain's suspension are apples and oranges. First, Obama is not suspending his entire campaign; Michelle, Joe Biden, and many other surrogates are still running the circuit and making appearances while Barry spends QT with Grandma. Secondly, when McCain suspended his campaign, the negative ads still ran, McCain was still attending fundraisers, and his surrogates were still making appearances.

A lot of people are calling this a gamble and I suppose that's a legitimate concern when you're this close to the election. But, unlike the transparent motives that drove McCain to suspend his campaign, I don't think Obama's motives are going to get him stung.

A Case of the Tuesdays

For most people, Monday is a dark and ominous day; it's the beginning of the work week where you report back from your weekend furlough and shackle yourself back in until Friday. It seems as though my current mood is permeating my words. I don't hate work, I don't hate my job, and I don't look at Monday through Friday as a prison sentence. It's just that we all have bad days and this Tuesday is pretty bad.

I woke up late this morning because something told me I should stay in bed. Despite my ominous feeling, the ride to work was beautiful and cloudless. The sun shone, the air was crisp, and O&A were hilarious. Can't be too bad right? Well...

For starters, Tuesdays are always my worst and busiest days. The higher-ups with their infinite wisdom have decided Tuesday is the day we execute our processes. Yes, I am aware that "execute our processes" sounds like innuendo for a bowel movement. But that would imply that process execution is even halfway as thrilling as a bowel movement, which it certainly is not. So in addition to my increased, but totally mundane, Tuesday workload, my sinuses have decided that they're going to inflate like balloon animals inside my head. I had plans to run home during lunch and get some meds, but that was kiboshed by a server crash, which prompted my supervisor to call me every five minutes to think out loud. As her mood ebbed and flowed with her calls, my head hurt more and more and I became slower and slower.

Every little thing, no matter how inconsequential, required so much more effort. And despite the fact that I had a million people breathing down my neck, the day was CREEPING. It's just a day where I hate this place and I want to tell everyone off. But I know, "this too shall pass" and tomorrow with a little more caffeine and sudafedrine, I will be in better spirits. But, all bets are off if Rajesh Kumar Vishnukolakola emails me with a participation certificate for his cricket league that he thinks satisfies a CPE credit.

WaPo Endorses Obama: DUH!

In one of the most obvious moves of the new century, the Washington Post wrote an editorial today that endorses Obama for President. I don't know what shocks me more: that this is coming from an ever-so-slightly left of center newspaper or that McCain and his mean-spirited and out-of-touch campaign alienated them.

In an equally un-obvious development, I also endorse Obama for President. While my past words might make this seem obvious, I was on the fence about these two until well into the summer, but Sarah Palin and the awful, hateful things McCain's supporters have been saying and doing have alienated me, just like they have with other Independents. Hopefully Obama can pull it out, but those of you who have been lucky enough to have the conversation with me on who I think will win know that I think good old-fashioned, deep-seeded racism is going to trump "hope" and financial catastrophe.

But, the fundamental question for me has always been: who cares who newspapers and, especially, celebrities endorse for President? Alec Baldwin is a comic genius, but his celebrity does not give him license to talk down to the "savages" and tell them who is good for them. We Americans invented the institution of modern democracy, yet more and more we base our decision on who other people tell us we should vote for. We are increasingly uneducated and ignorant on the real problems facing us and it is up to us to educate ourselves so we can confidently pull the lever on Election Day.

I despise it when I'll ask people what issues are driving their concerns this year and they retort with "I don't know and I don't really care." I just find it shocking that with everything confronting us this year that many Americans out there still look at politics and current events as something they took for a semester in high school that have no consequential effects on their current lives. If you take this world view, you don't deserve to vote, pure and simple. But, you're probably voting for McCain.

Todd and Betty Sue Are Here!

A visit with my parents is like a coming-of-age, John Hughes movie: you laugh, you cry, there is a big fight, and, generally, there's a happy ending.

That said, I am noticeably more edgy today than usual. Even before they arrived, there has been drama about the hotel where they were supposed to stay in: we told them repeatedly not to stay there, they book reservations there, we tell them again today for shits and giggles that we don't think it's that nice a place, and they subtly ask us why we never told them this. Ahhh, it's been too long.

However, the drama that accompanies my parents goes much deeper than what is mentioned above. For years, a visit with them made me feel like I was constantly walking in a minefield: I wouldn't know what I was going to say, do, or what I had done to disappoint them. It could be as inconsequential as the restaurant I have chosen or the fact that I have "abandoned" them to be under my inlaws' sphere of influence. It was a rocky road and my marriage initially caused quite a few strains, but I think all of us have finally figured out a way to work together.

My family's MO has always been this: avoid upsetting each other by keeping things to yourself. I was raised in an environment where dishonesty was tolerated because it meant Papa wouldn't bite your head off. Since this was so fundamental in me, it was my MO for awhile, too. But, I decided awhile ago that life is too short to be dishonest with the people to whom you are the most close. If you can't be honest with them, what's the point? This change in my tact makes me feel better and, I think, has even changed my mom's manner with my wife and I. It makes the relationship easier and stronger and it gives everyone a chance to spend quality time together in the short time we have to be together.

Despite the history and my angst, I am really excited to see my parents. I'm probably going to have an adrenaline crash on Sunday, but it should be a wonderful weekend.

A Return to Socialism?

As economic nuclear winter ensues and the Dow continues its downward trajectory (a 733 point drop today), there are a lot of Chicken Little's running around screaming that the sky is falling. Everyone is a critic; some say the government is doing too much, while others chastise Uncle Sam for not doing enough. The fact of the matter is the government doesn't yet know how much is exactly needed of it because no one, not even the bastards that put us all in this position, know how far this has permeated the global economy.

Based on the Economics-101 knowledge I have of high finance, I think Hank Paulson is doing a wonderful job of making lemonade out of the humongous lemons he has been given. While I don't think he should have expected Congress to write him a blank check and cast no oversight on him, I do think his sense of urgency and his navigation thus far are praise-worthy. As I said in another post, I think it is our lawmakers who have shamed themselves, not to mention the respective silence and opportunism of the Obama and McCain campaigns, and their handwringing (and hand-tying) have hobbled whatever effective government response there has been.

But anyway, back to the Chicken Littles. I love these armchair quarterbacks out there, whether they are journalists or my neighbor, who think they have a fix for this. "What they should have done is this...and what they need to do is that". Oh, please. Number one, if you know what they need to do or should have done, you wouldn't be writing for a newspaper or working for FactSet. Number two, how do you propose to fully understand a scenario that not even the people who created it even half-way understand? As such, in my opinion, only your observations are valid; your prescriptions can wait until banks stop failing, the stock market bottoms out, and homeowners stop defaulting en masse on their mortgages.

One of favorite gripes usually comes from the ranks of I-bankers, hedge fund managers, and/or any of the other narcissists who flaunted karma and brought everything crashing down. You hear them talking about the "People's Republic of Wall Street" and how partial nationalization of the big banks amounts to socialism. Even Paulson himself said nationalization in the banking sector is anathema to his beliefs. Notwithstanding the audacity these scumbags have to complain about the entity that is absorbing all of the consequences of their detrimental short-sightedness, what choice does the government have? In 1929, Treasury Secretary Andrew Mellon's response to the stock market crash was to tepidly leave the mess for the banks to sort out. And look where it got us. Now, with the complete global interconnectedness and interdependence of finance, without some hedge, some mitigation of risk, the Great Depression would look tame compared to what could happen.

We don't "do" socialism in this country. It's totally against who we are and where we came from. However, we're in no position to decry the government for trying to throw its weight against the specter of a complete global economic meltdown. Who knows if any of this will work, but we don't know unless we try. When the market rebounds and these schmucks figure out another way to cheat the system and make gazillions of dollars (they always do), the government will be in a unique position to sell its assets, thereby chomping down a tremendous amount of our national debt.

If I'm being too harsh on Wall Street, it is not my intention. I believe the blame goes all around: from the culture of deregulation to the homeowners who bit off more than they can chew. I just think that Wall Street should know better and, furthermore, the smugness and self-righteousness they have demonstrated throughout this process makes you wonder "If they're up here, who's running Hell?"

At the risk of contradicting my statement above, I have my own observations about this whole drama. Despite the fact that the stock market has dropped 40%, I think it is a good thing. The fact of the matter is that meaningless paper was traded at such incredibly inflated values for so long that investors, the market, and the invisible hand are re-evaluating their assets and finding the point of where they are supposed to be. And once everything stabilizes and the system corrects itself, then these guys can think up their next "Get-Rich-Quick" scheme. It might seem like socialism is on the way in, but Capitalism is here to stay.

Here's to the Fall

Every time of year, with the exception of mid-January to early March*, can lay claim to being the "best time of year". The spring always represents a new beginning; it breathes new life into our selves and reinforces our sense of ambition and resolve. The summer is when we do our "living"; every responsibility we otherwise so rigidly adhere to is back-burnered as we sneak out a little early on Thursdays to beat the beach traffic. The early winter, from Thanksgiving to New Years, reinforces the notions of togetherness, generosity, and resolution.

Despite the positive aspects of these seasons, they also have negative ones, though not as numerous and far less underwhelming. For example, spring can bring weeks of rain and invariably brings its allergies. Summer can bring excruciating heat and always has traffic jams. Early winter also has its traffic jams and soccer moms with Christmas sweaters who will throw elbows to get whatever the hot new item is this year. Again, these are far outweighed by their positive, uplifting brethren, but must be contended with, nonetheless.

Then there's the fall. Ahh, <deep nasal inhalation> yes, the fall. The period of mid-September to early November is a wonderful juncture of the summer's relaxing qualities with the finality and togetherness of early winter. We spend most of our free time in the outdoors, as we do in the summer, just maybe with a sweater. We get together with friends on weekends, navigating corn mazes and tailgating before a football game by day and sipping spiked cider by a bonfire by night. I find everything about this time of year, from the vibrant colors of the trees to the universal sense of snapping back into reality, so inspiring.

When I was a kid, the fall, mid-to-late October, especially, was hands-down my favorite time of the year. October 15 going forward until Halloween, I would come home from school and immediately change into my Halloween costume. The excitement peaked when we carved the pumpkins acquired from Ashland Berry Farm and reached its crescendo when we set out on Halloween night. As I grew older the excitement followed the same trajectory, only pumpkin-carving was replaced by purchasing economy-size packages of toilet paper and trick-or-treating was replaced by drunken costume parties that involved slutty Catholic school girls, maids, nurses, policewomen, etc.

At 28, I still feel the same inspiration and excitement that I have every fall. I love watching the leaves gradually change into their magnificent colors, I love college football, I love "Rocky Horror Picture Show", I love thinking about what I am going to dress up as, I love pumpkin patches, hot cider, and barbecues where you have to wear a sweater. But, I also love how fall marks the beginning of the slide downward into the cold, dark months and how it reinvigorates our sense of purpose. I actually like how the work is picking up and how everyone, including myself, naturally snaps back into it after being distracted all summer.

I guess you could look at these latter qualities represent fall's negatives and I guess you would be right. But, unlike the traffic jams of summer, histamine-infused agony of spring, and overly-aggressive soccer moms of early winter, I love these negative qualities. Onward to Halloween and hip hip hooray for the fall!

*No offense, mid-January to early March, but you're cold, miserable, and nobody likes you.

We Are Rome

Well, it's official. As a country, we have become so indulgent, decadent, and juvenile that not even the menace of economic nuclear winter can't snap us into place.

From Nancy Pelosi's unnecessary blame-heaping on the Bush Administration to the GOP's 8th-grade girl response of voting down the Bailout, the US House of Representatives has shown that it is inherently dysfunctional. My only hope (and maybe I'm just deluding myself) is that the $1.2 TRILLION loss in paper wealth their little catfight yielded yesterday might smack some sense into them. In other words, it will hopefully show them that their actions (or in this case, inaction) can have tremendous consequences downstream.

Consequences or not, the realist in me says that they are beyond acting responsibly. Despite facing re-election every two years, House members are ludicrously removed from the people they "represent". When they are not entertaining top-shelf lobbyists or big-figure contributors, they are surrounded by a wall of consultants telling them to say this, do that, look this way, say something that way, etc. Their only objective is to get re-elected; they don't give a damn about you or I.

But, we have let them get this way. People have gotten so wrapped up in themselves and their immediate gratification, that they have been perfectly content having no idea what happens on Capitol Hill. For far too long, the mantra has been "Me, me, me; Mine, mine, mine". Now, that way of life is circling the drain and people are interested again. All it takes is the average American to see a list of ONE DAY'S worth of House business, and that 99% incumbency rate (yes, 99% of House members breeze through re-election) can be in serious jeopardy.

The reason everyone is so shocked and appalled by this latest twist is because this is actually a time when the House's dysfunction is on full display and has repercussions. Fortunately, optimism rallied the markets today, getting just over half back of what was lost yesterday. But, once again the ball is in the House's court. Let's hope they hit a nice shot down the line at Wall Street, rather than duffing it into the next court.

McCain's Campaign is Venomous and Delusional

In case you haven't heard, McCain blinked and "resumed" his campaign (did he ever really suspend it?). Now that the biggest political "Hail Mary" in history has turned out to be an incomplete pass, he has been left with very few options.

But, apparently his campaign has decided to take an even lower road (didn't think that was possible) and become even more disdainful of the Obama campaign. Furthermore, they have just completely lost touch with reality.

I don't like the idea of giving a former Goldman CEO $700 billion to prop this nation's counting houses just so they can figure out a way to cheat the system and get us into a similar mess 20 years down the road. Becky and I didn't bite off more than we could chew when we got our mortgage and we manage to pay it on time every month. We pay our taxes and try not to carry credit card balances. Unlike the morons out there who used their homes as ATM's, opened up credit cards to buy Hummers, and finance first-class vacations with home equity loans, we have tried to live within our means. That said, we also understand that if the government (God help us !) doesn't do anything about this debacle, economic Armageddon will ensue.

But, McCain and the Republican party have decided that political grandstanding and their one-size-fits-all ideology toward taxes is more important that salvaging global finance as we know it. First, his aforementioned stunt and, secondly, once an agreement is about to be hashed out, the Republicans decided that "the Amurican tayx-payer shouldn't be spendin' money on all them Jew-faggot-liberal-bankers in Jew York!" Apparently, staring into the financial abyss is preferable. God help us, indeed.

But, it's worse. Yes, McCain blinked. But his campaign's statement today was an exercise in bitter spite and self-delusion. According to Rick Davis and the other poo-throwers, there's a blame game going on and it's all the Democrats' fault. They stood there kicking and screaming and turning blue in the face until they could take all of YOUR money. No, it had nothing to do with head-in-the-sand, opportunistic GOP House members sabotaging the deal once it was made. No no, "Barack Obama's priority was political posturing in his opening monologue defending the package as it stands." Nice of them to conveniently leave out the fact that "the package as it stands" was conceived not by Pelosi's Tax-Loving Liberal Democrats, but by a Bush-man himself, Hank Paulson.

But despite McCain being shamed back into running a campaign and debating, the minions have betrayed their puppet-master and Bush is up a creek without a paddle. But, we all are because, as of yet, we don't have a flippin' plan to literally save the economy! Wow, political dithering might actually be our downfall. Way to prove a point, GOP!

I really hope this latest stunt comes back to bite McCain and his party. It once again showed his impulsive side, but it also showed that he would be willing make such a gamble because he thought it would win him some electoral brownie points. Furthermore, it shows him at the helm of a party that would rather see this country implode financially than raise those Gosh-Durn taxes. I hope whoever moderates this debate tonight rides him so hard on this foolish decision that he blows a gasket and socks Obama in the face. You know, shows us "The Real McCain".

I Ain't As Good As I Once Was

For those not familiar with Toby Keith, "I Ain't As Good As I Once Was" is a first-person narrative of a guy who realizes that the reality of his age has set limits on how bold his actions can be. But, more fundamentally, it speaks of a man's influences as he ages; the proverbial angel and devil on each of his shoulders.

James Robert "Robbie" Copeland has always been a blur in this area. He was the first person I saw (besides my parents) when I got back from France in 2001. But our first activity was to smoke a blunt in the parking lot at Regency Square with some girls who had just started their own "rap label". "Welcome back to Richmond," I recall him saying to me, with a slight chuckle. He rallied all of my old friends to come to New York for my wedding, but he also rallied me to party like a rockstar until 4 AM the night before.

So, when Robbie and his fiancee came up to Stamford this past weekend, I knew the lines would be blurred again. And it was proven to me when I walked into Cost-Less Liquors: rather than my usual purchase of a bottle of wine or a six-pack of imported beer, like it was automatic, I went straight for the 30-pack of Bud Light. This stayed straight throughout the weekend, from the copious consumption of that 30-pack to the vine-swinging at the Frisbee Golf course.

For me, Robbie resembles the time of my life when the only consequences were that if you drank too fast, you'd run out of beer. "So what if you have to go to work tomorrow? I gotta go to work, too. The night is young and those girls wanna party!" Not as a person, but as an institution, Robbie reminds me of a time in my life that was black, white, and free of complications. Even if it's just for a weekend, it's fun to revisit that time in your life, in a much more watered-down way.

The last verse of "I Ain't As Good As I Once Was" goes:

I ain't as good as I once was/
That's just the cold, hard truth/
But, I still throw a few back/
And talk a little smack/
When I'm feelin' bulletproof/
So, don't double dog dare me now/
Cuz I'd have to call your bluff/
I ain't as good as I once was/
But, I'm as good once as I ever was

As we grow older, we might understand the consequences (mental and physical) that our actions can have on ourselves. But, for that one time, it's a helluva lot of fun. Thanks for a great weekend, dude.

Lazy Saturday, Redefined

A few years ago , on any given September Saturday, I might just now be awakening with a massive headache, still reeking of Jagermeister and Parliament lights. I would stumble out to my living room, collapse on the sofa, kick last night's McDonald's trash off the coffee table, and turn the TV to ESPN for the latter hour of "College Gameday". Maybe in an hour, I would put on some coffee and think about starting my Saturday.

Alas, those days are well behind me (and just as well). Where a few years ago, a Friday night would include drinking in at least four bars and late night smoking (yes, that kind), a current Friday consists of delicious delivery food, channel surfing in bed, and being asleep by 10:30, at the latest. On occasion, we go into the city for dinner and drinks or over to a neighbor's for the same, but for the most part, this is it.

And that is perfectly fine with me. This past Friday night, I was full-on excited to eat sushi in bed and play "Medal of Honor" on the Wii while Becky read her "People" magazine. Then, to "sleep in" (until 9:19) on Saturday is phenomenal. I might still catch some of "College Gameday", but it's on in the background as I do my weekend toiling: putting away dishes, taking stock of what food we need for the week, touch-up painting, etc.

A few years ago, this would have been incomprehensible to me. But, this is where the dust of my life has comfortably settled. And it's not like it's without compromise; last week, I went to Shea and stumbled in half-drunk at 1:00 AM. I can still go out and have fun, but I know now where the line needs be drawn to also proactively run a household and be a good partner to my wife.

So, I'm growing into another part of my life. 28 is a really interesting juncture.

Lamenting 9/11: A Truly Squandered Opportunity

When it comes to September 11, 2001, there are two types of people in this country. There are those who are still reacting to it and think it should be used as a primer for action by our government and by society, in general. These people use it as an excuse and a crutch and, in so doing, they have corrupted a national tragedy and muddied this country's good name, both domestically and internationally. For these folks, 9/11 is a lens through which we should view everything that happens in the world; black and white, but no gray area.

There are also those who look at it for what it was: a horrific spectacle of hate and jealousy of our society realized by 19 maniacs who used religion to justify their disgusting action. This latter group was effected by 9/11 when it happened and immediately thereafter (how could they not be?) and were hoping it would be springboard for action in this country, much like Pearl Harbor was in 1941. But, when 9/11 was so obviously politicized and, by not joining the giant lynch mob, they were ostracized by the self-declared "mainstream", 9/11 quickly became for these people a wasted opportunity.

At the risk of sounding unpatriotic and unsympathetic, I am one of the latter. While an innocent naiveté was lost in me when I saw the second tower erupt in a fiery blaze that morning, a sort of righteous pride in my country was born that I had never known before. I said to myself, "This is our generation's Pearl Harbor, Kennedy assassination, and Challenger explosion all wrapped into one." As a senior in college engaged in a job search, I quickly turned my focus to Washington. At that time, I was galvanized.

Even though I was much younger (mentally, emotionally, and physically), I knew our country had become lazy after 10 years as the world's top dog. I was hoping that this would be the catalyst to whip us back into shape and bring back the can-do attitude and wherewithal to start fixing the big cracks in our society. But, it didn't take long for me to notice that our government was going to politically milk this for everything it was worth and do nothing to inspire motivation, innovation, and the general American spirit among our citizens. But, it also showed how decadent and complacent our society had become.

Compared to Pearl Harbor, another turning point for American innocence, 9/11 shows that the selfless and tested Americans of 1941 have yielded to Americans who are spoiled and self-entitled. Pearl Harbor jump-started the capacity for American production and innovation; 9/11 added to Americans' already overwhelming credit card debt ("Everything will be fine. Go ye forth and shop!") The widows for Pearl Harbor never sued the government and got millions of dollars. FDR didn't use the national tragedy to belittle and neuter his political opponents.

It is true that our government cynically used 9/11 to ruthlessly advance its partisan agenda, but it is squarely the American public's fault for letting them do so. Our world of instant gratification and uninhibited selfishness simply did not enable 9/11 to become the opportunity it could have been. Thus, as a country, we are much worse off than we were seven years ago. Instead of coming together, we responded to 9/11 by tearing each other apart, if and when we were paying attention.

So, when the news media is spending the entire day harping on that terrible day, through cheesy montages and melancholy musical overtones, and both candidates are proselytizing on their respective stumps from Ground Zero, think back to the way you felt when you saw the towers fall. It might inspire in you the damaged pride and love for this country you felt seven years ago and reinforce for you the tremendous opportunity for change that awaits us on November 4, regardless of the candidate for President. Stay classy, America.

The GOP and the Kübler-Ross Model

I consider myself an "Independent", not willing to be tied down by one party's ideology. Throughout the entire election cycle, I have been hesitating in getting swept up by "Obamamania" and have been critical of media outlets like NBC of being so "in the tank" of the Illinois Senator. As such an Even-Steven, I convinced myself Wednesday night that since I paid passive heed to the Democrats last week, I should probably endow the GOP with the same lukewarm involvement last week, political junkie that I am.

You won't hear me say this much, but I was wrong in my decision. After about seven minutes of Rudy Giuliani's chest-thumping, I got too angry to take any more. His rant was juvenile and, more so, it was mean-spirited, insulting, and, quite frankly, sounded angry and insecure.

So, was I surprised to read in WaPo yesterday morning that Sarah Palin gave an equally, if not more, vitriolic diatribe Wednesday night? Sadly, no. She has been under a media siege since being announced as McCain's running mate. I understand that she would want to use her pulpit Wednesday night to hit back and level the onslaught.

But her harsh, negative acceptance speech was part of a broader campaign strategy unfurled this week by Steve Schmidt and the rest of them at McCain HQ. This "strategy" smacked of the Rovian "alienation" politics that have defined President CooCooBananaHead's Administration. Basically, you paint anyone who criticizes you (or, better yet, questions you) as attacking you. But, there is something more fundamentally at play here.

Rank-and-file Republicans know deep down that Sarah Palin was a disastrous pick for a running mate. No one knows who the heck she is and, as of this past weekend, the skeletons haven't stopped falling out of her closet. They know it shows bad judgment on McCain's part and they are lamenting this decision. But, something more fundamentally is at play here

The Kübler-Ross Model "describes, in five discrete stages, a process by which people allegedly deal with grief and tragedy".

1. Denial: Witness last weekend Republicans' defending of this "brilliant choice" by McCain, someone who's going to stick it to Obama/Biden. Then her daughter turns out being knocked up out of wedlock and it's a "beautiful example of choosing life".

2. Anger: There is no doubt the acrimonious mouth-farting going on in St. Paul this past week was testament of the Republicans' fury with this situation.

At this point, the rest is all projection, but let's just have a little fun.

3. Bargaining: You can expect to hear Republicans saying there can't be any more scandals; that everything has come to light that will. You've already been hearing them cite her "executive experience".

4. Depression: After the debates, reality will set in and fundraising will sag, commercials for McCain/Palin will drop off and a general feeling of "What-can-you-do?" will fall over your Republican friends.

5. Acceptance: They admit to themselves that Palin was a miserable pick and stay home on Election Day. My brother (who considers himself on a first-name basis with Rush Limbaugh. Rush does not know this, however.) has already skipped straight to Step 5 and is going to write-in vote for Ron Paul. He provides a good litmus test because he is the type of conservative who has been wary of McCain from the get-go. He grinned and beared it, however, until the Palin pick acted as the straw that broke the camel's back. If his behavior is an accurate example of the broader behavioral patterns of true-blue conservative, McCain is in for a world of hurt.

Who knows? Maybe Palin will prove an amazing asset. But the odds of that are very unrealistic. Coming into the homestretch, McCain may have made a disastrous decision.

DNC = Democratic National CIRCUS

If you've spent more than three minutes with me, you know I love politics. It's a hangover from living and working in DC, where gossip is almost indistinguishable from public affairs. I have RSS feeds from several blogs and am a junkie for "Heard on the Hill".

So, with the most interesting election (probably ever) upon us, one would think I would be in hog heaven. I have been. I was addicted to the primary battle, have read all of the analysis every step along the way, and see the poo-slinging, er...commercials, before most people do. However, the current stage of the election cycle makes me want to ignore electoral politics and plug my ears while screaming "LA LA LA LA! I DON'T HEAR YOU!" That's right; it's Convention season.

Conventions used to serve a purpose. They used to actually be where the nominee was decided and there have been some nailbiters. Even into the 20th Century, Conventions played a very important part in the electoral politics. But this was before the 24 hour news cycle, consultants, interest groups, and bottomless bags of cash. Now, the candidate is pretty much decided by March and the Conventions, especially the Democratic one, are elaborate revivals for the Church of American Political Extremism.

Anyone who has even passively watched coverage of this year's DNC knows what I'm talking about. I've only watched a few big speeches (Hillary's, Biden's, and Obama's), but even this tacit involvement was enough to really skeeve me out. Quick takes of the crowd throughout the speeches show old ladies with flat-top hats and enough plastic doo-dads to pay a Chinese factory payroll for a month, enormous fat men weeping like someone stole their pudding cups, and an ensemble that looked like an Equal Opportunity Employment poster . These people behave with such emotional fervor, they were indistinguishable from the people you see in Pentacostal mega-churches...or in a documentary of Jonestown.

I understand the tradition that accompanies the Conventions and the point that they should serve as a rallying cry for the post-Labor Day homestretch. But, the extremists are courted during the primary season and this is the time where the candidates need to be sprinting to the center, wooing independent voters like myself. After watching the DNC and hearing the populist red meat spewed once again even by respectable folks like Joe Biden, I feel alienated once again.

God only knows what the Republicans have in store for us next week.

Golf and Wild Boar

What do they have in common? Well, I enjoyed both of them immensely yesterday. I awoke early, walked Millie (we have her again), and off I went with my Starbuck's to Rockland Lakes to meet Scott for the first round of golf I've played this summer.

Upon meeting Scott, at the time much to my chagrin, he greeted me with "We can drive if you want to, but I always walk." Which I read as, "Let's hoof it, you pansy." So hoof it we did, down to the first tee. Now, let me explain that I haven't swung a club in almost a year and when I did last swing a club, I didn't really "connect" with the ball. Air and clumps of grass, yes, but not so much the ball.

So, you can pretty much ascertain that the first hole was a disaster. Earlier in my life, I probably would have been cursing, red-faced, and halfway through a pack of Parliament Lights by this point, but yesterday, I just laughed. Laughed at my pathetic tee shot, my equally pathetic second shot, et cetera, all the way down to hole where I was lying double par before I even putted. I just laughed.

Everybody who has played golf has been a beginner. They have experienced the frustration of trying to swing a club with all their might only to see the ball roll a piddling 10 feet in front of them. Like everything in life, you have to start somewhere and people, golfers especially, understand this.

So, having relaxed myself on the first hole and realizing that I was out to enjoy myself, I walked up to the tee on Hole 2 and just belted one straight down the fairway. It was perfect. Perfect because my grip was relaxed, I wasn't concerned with how far I wanted the ball to go, concerned with what other people were thinking, none of that. My mind was clear and I hit a beautiful tee shot. The rest of the day was a breeze.

Now, I don't know how long 18 holes is, but carrying a golf bag on your back through the Rockland foothills for six straight hours seems like an eternity. Especially with only a hot dog a Powerade at the turn (God bless New York State golfcourses and their prohibition of alcoholic beverages). Needless to say, I'm sore as hell today and was hungry as hell last night.

Fortunately, I joined the entire Lamm clan for a wonderful meal at Lanterna in Nyack. Lanterna is probably my favorite restaurant these days. It's a wonderful mix of nouveau and country cuisine which is distinctively Tuscan. Upon Scott's and my pillaging of two baskets of bread, we ordered a Zinfandel for the table which was robust, fruity, and spicy. I first had grilled calamari that was accompanied by grilled endive, grilled radicchio, and grilled tomato all drizzled with a pesto sauce. Then, the big mother: grilled Wild Boar chops over garlic mashed potatoes and cannellini beans. It was amazing and not at all what I expected; it wasn't gamey or "porky"; it actually tasted like veal. Needless to say, the chef's lemon-parsley-sage marinade softened it up nicely. There's never been a perfect meal, but this was damn close.

All in all, a wonderful Sunday. I hope everyone was as lucky as me and had a great weekend. Now, it's back to the grind and trying to coast to the long weekend.

Jerry, You Deserve Better

Those of you who know me also know Jerry. Jerry is my 2005 A4 (his name is from my old VA plates "JRE-5984") and we've been through a lot together. Three weeks after I got him, I crashed him into someone on the Roosevelt Bridge in DC, we've been back and forth between DC and New York many a time, and I've lost count of the blow-outs he's had.

For all that I have done to him (and it's been a lot), he has served me well. He might have an ugly, yellow-paint-crusted dent on his front fender and might leave a lingering gasoline odor, but he has been an steadfast horse and I hope when I put him out to stud he gets someone who treats him better than I have.

You see, I've been horrible to Jerry. It wasn't his fault he got me as his owner, it was his misfortune. I was brought up in an environment where the word "consequences" was usually followed by "schmonsequences" and when the stuff hit the fan, you could always just throw money at the problem and it would probably go away. I am not using it as an excuse, but this upbringing has left me with an incredibly impulsive side, which is one of the largest obstacles I am trying to overcome.

So, late in his career with me, Jerry needs a fair amount of work done that, of course, is not covered by warranty. I am paying the piper (literally) and, like with so many other occurrences throughout this period of self-reflection, I am looking at it as another form of penance for my hitherto blasé attitude toward responsibility and consequences. So, to all the car doors, walls, doors, door jambs, and bones (yes, I have even broken a bone or two in frustration and/or indifference), I apologize.

Another consequence of my upbringing is a complete and utter inability to admit when I make a mistake or do wrong. As such, I have been challenging myself to think through every decision I make and ask myself, "Did I do the right thing?" I realize the danger of doubting myself, but being over-confident can be just as dangerous. My hope is that asking myself this simple question will make me a better husband, friend, son, brother, son-in-law, and citizen.

I challenge everyone to take some serious time to self-reflect and identify areas for improvement. Constructive criticism is so important, especially when it comes to constructively criticizing yourself. Plus, it feels great to set goals for yourself and track your progress.

So, be nice to your car, your walls, your doors and door jambs. It might seem right at the time to kick, punch, or ram them, but paying for the damage is never right, literally or figuratively. Have a great weekend!

Bring in the Funk...But Don't Keep It Too Long

For months as the media has been all "doom and gloom" about this country, I've been looking around and scratching my head: I don't know anyone who has lost their job (even an acquaintance at Bear Stearns), house prices in my area haven't budged, and my grocery bill has stayed around the same amount each week. Yes, gasoline has skyrocketed, but that's it.

But, as I checked in with a friend today to whom I haven't spoken in awhile, I noticed an exasperated, "What-are-you-gonna-do?" tone to her words. But, then I subsequently noticed that I was speaking with the same tone; I told her my job had plateaued and that the company is in a holding pattern, that I'm OK with what I am doing, but that it doesn't excite me, and that the Burbs are "alright". I know it's not cause for alarm (after all, what are the Burbs if not "alright"?), but I had thought the national funk had skipped me and those I know.

As we are constantly barraged with bad news about everything, it is easy to let it pervade your psyche. But, if I stop and think seriously about my current station, yes, there is plenty to be desired, but if everything is perfect, where is the motivation to ascend and do better? I thrive on the challenges life throws my way. But, I also realize that while I do have a limited amount of control, things generally have a wonderful way of falling into place and working themselves out. Deloitte will probably start expanding again, I am sure that some curveballs are going to be thrown my way and make my job more interesting, and Becky and I will continue to meet interesting people and explore all the wonderful apsects of Lower New England.

There isn't any optimism out there right now, but it's easy to find if you look for it. So in the words of 80's hero Casey Kasem, keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars.



*In the spirit of today's posting, I will leave you with an amazing 1980 video of the Jerry Garcia Band performing Bob Dylan's "Simple Twist of Fate". This song always helps me through the tough times.

Growing Into the Olympics

Is it just me or is everyone watching the Olympics this year? Maybe I just don't remember because a lot has happened in the last four years, but I feel like I and pretty much everyone I knew snoozed through the last two Olympics in Sydney and Athens, respectively.

But, Becky and I can't get enough of them this year. Since 8/8/2008, I have found it harder and harder to wake up in the morning, as we have been staying up later and later the nights before watching gymnastics, swimming, rowing, and pretty much any sport we would otherwise never watch. (Last night, for example, I found myself enthralled by trampoline)

I've been thinking about why we and so many people we know are so into them this year. First, I thought it had to do with NBC and how they spent three and a half of the four years since Athens hyping the Games. But, no; they always do that; probably to cover the ridiculous mortgage they put on their company to broadcast them.

Then, I figured it has to do with China because of how unique it is as a country; populous, communist, authoritarian, ancient, respected, feared, and controversial. I noticed that early in the Games everyone was obsessed with the prowess of China and how advanced it was portraying itself. People were actually in awe and even I, myself, felt a little intimidated. But, this very quickly disintegrated into a sort of jealous, mean-spirited mockery, whether it was regarding the questionable age of some of the gymnasts and/or the conditions to which the performers at the Opening Ceremonies may or may not have been exposed. But even this phenomenon doesn't totally explain why my close friends and I have a new-found obsession with these Olympic Games.

But, it dawned on me last night during the intense trampoline finals: we are all four years older. Since 2004, our responsibilities have increased at work and at home, our nights have gotten earlier, and our bartabs have gotten smaller. Keeping the Games on until midnight constitutes a late night, where in 2004 I might have caught 3am skeet shooting while drunkenly wolfing down a cheesesteak from Mario's. As we unwind from our chaotic days, we find it easy to sink into bed and into the spirit fuelled by a hefty dose of John Williams' kettle-drum-infused theme song. Whether it's by the water cooler or over gazpacho at a downtown Stamford restaurant, the Olympics makes for great conversation with friends who live by routines similar to your own.

I don't look at this as a bad thing, something to regret, or as a sign that my best days are behind me. I see this as simply another chapter in this great story called "Growing Up". So, enjoy the Olympics. Who knows what the story will be in 2012.

Going to Chicago and the Biggest Game of "Risk" Ever

Becky and I are heading to Chicago tomorrow and should return with some pretty good pics. I've been there once before, but it was for a wedding and I didn't have too much time to just take in the city. So, if anyone has any suggestions, please do share.

Also, I don't know if anyone knows this because it hasn't been getting very much play in the American media, but as part of the game of tic-tac-toe we are now playing with the Russians, the US has signed a preliminary deal with Poland to install 10 interceptor missiles in exchange for helping to strengthen Polish air defenses. And so it begins...again.

In any case, Happy Friday. If anyone is traveling this weekend, be safe. If you're staying home, be cool.

It's that time again

Time to fill up. While I try to schedule my fill-ups around when I'm at my inlaws' (who so conveniently live adjacent to New Jersey, where gas never goes above $4.00/gallon), there was just no avoiding it this time.

I tell everyone that this is good; we need more expensive gas; it's methadone for our proverbial heroine addiction to oil. But, as I watch my fellow fillees' faces crinkle into despair as the meter climbs higher and higher, I have to wonder why we continue to take it up the rear while ExxonMobil and the like take quarterly profits upward of $10 billion.

Anyway, look for me at the Shell station across from the Norwalk DMV. I'll be the one at a blue Audi crying.

The Whole Georgia Thing...and the American Left's Complete Misinterpretation of It

"Outraged" is such a dramatic word to which we have all be desensitized in the 2008 election cycle.

So, while I'm not outraged, I am pretty upset with left-leaning journalists in this country who flooded yesterday's Op-Ed pages and blogosphere with columns and posts titled such things as "Who Poked The Bear?"

According to Dan Froomkin in his "White House Watch" column in yesterday's WaPo, "hindsight suggests Bush has been playing with fire in that region for years now, and that an overpowering Russian response was a predictable outcome to continued provocation." Apparently, supporting democracy in the former Soviet Union and encouraging military cooperation with a former Russo-vassal justifies an over-aggressive military beat-down by a much larger Russian force who was spoiling for a fight.

Others further to the left sounded off on Josh Marshall's "Talking Points Memo". This gem from Monday is one of my favorites:

"Regardless of what happens next, it is worth asking what the Bush people were thinking when they egged on Mikheil Saakashvili, Georgia's young, Western-educated president, to apply for NATO membership, send 2,000 of his troops to Iraq as a full-fledged U.S. ally, and receive tactical training and weapons from our military. Did they really think Putin would sit by and see another border state (and former province of the Russian empire) slip away to the West? If they thought that Putin might not, what did they plan to do about it, and how firmly did they warn Saakashvili not to get too brash or provoke an outburst?"

I am by no means an expert, but for the American Left to place the brunt of the blame on Georgia and, by extension, a meddling, conspiratorial Bush Administration, seems entirely short-sighted. Putin's Russia (I don't care that Medvedev is president. We all know who's captain of that ship) has made it crystal-clear that their self-interest trumps all and routinely thumb their nose at international opinion. If the left is going to hold America's feet to the fire (as they rightly should) when we, contrary to international opinion and in brazen self-interest, invaded Iraq, they should call a spade a spade and blow the whistle on Russia when it does the same. But, their disdain for Bush is so potent that they are willing to forgive Russia for so egregious a violation of international law because Georgia likes the current Republican president. Talk about self-interest. But, I digress. Yes, Saakashvili did provoke an outburst from Russia. But not necessarily in the way our friend at TPM believes they did.

How did Saakashvili provoke this outburst? Well, number one, he was elected. The Russians don't like uppity democratic types who talk about "individual liberties" and the "power of free markets." They prefer good old Soviet-style-strongman-President-for-life types who keep their democratic movements brutally repressed. They continue to view these former satellite republics as their property, or in their Treaty-of-Versailles-speak, as their “near abroad”. In other words, how dare our subjects in Ukraine and Georgia act independently of their puppet-master, dear Mother Russia!

Number two is more strategic, geopolitically speaking. Georgia is the site of a very important oil and gas pipeline to Europe. By installing one of their puppets in Saakashvili's place, Russia has a near monopoly on energy supplies going to Europe. Notice they never sought to "liberate" South Ossetia and Abkhazia when their old chum Eduard Shevardnadze was president of Georgia.

I am not a Chicken-Little type by any means, but if Russia will so easily cross the line (literally) and invade a neighbor when this neighbor behaves in a manner contrary to Russia’s espoused authoritarian values, doesn't this set a dangerous precedent in a neighborhood that has come so far since the days of its repressive Communist chokehold? Who’s next? Ukraine and its “Orange Revolution”? EU/NATO Members like Poland (always a victim of the Russian bully’s proverbial wedgie)? As the T-72’s were rolling into Georgia, you could almost hear the former Eastern Bloc’s collective teeth chattering.

So, Godspeed to Georgia and the rest of Russia’s neighbors, whose misfortune it is to occupy territory adjacent to such a wretched country and people. And to the American left, please don’t lose sight of the forest for the trees.