HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

There is that "holiday" feeling in this office today. Number one, everyone is wearing jeans, which is normally anathema to the Directors around here, what with being robots without the ability to feel human emotion and all. Two, the normally silent-except-for-clicking-of-keyboards sea of cubicles is lively with idle chit-chat about tonight's planned bacchanalia. Nothing is going to get done today.

That's because it's the day of the year that's tied for best with Christmas: Halloween. Whatever your plans are and who/whatever you are dressed as, have a great day and an even better night!

Why is Being Rich Bad?

If the Republicans and their red meat were to be believed, you would think they would applaud Barack Obama's pledges to cut taxes for those making (what is it now?) less than $200,000 per year. After all, this is now the party of "Joe the Plumber", the little guy, and the "real America". They're looking out for YOU and intend to be a bulwark between you and everyone on the Socialist take. No, hard-scrabble, blue collar, American. No elitist, utopian, Pinko, fag-loving, Jew-liberals are gonna take YOUR money.

Meanwhile, Democrats are making their tired appeals to unions and spouting off their anti-corporate boilerplate language, making claims to end tax breaks for the big, bad, oil companies and unpatriotic companies who ship jobs overseas. Only the bourgeois pampered richies will have tax increases; the rest of you, you hardworking heroes, you, will have tax cuts. HUZZAH!

So, while both candidates have been racing to the bottom with their opportunistic populism to court the "Joes", rich people have either been demonized or swept under the rug. They are the perennial scapegoat for the Dems and the hot potato this year for the GOP. Such pariahs, they are, those people who work hard and make tons of money. How unAmerican! But, this is something that has been creeping into American culture for awhile, based on my observations, way before the financial meltdown or even this year's Presidential campaigns.

There is no denying it: my family is loaded. My great-grandfather, Nathan Gumenick, lived the American dream. He was the son of poor immigrants in Baltimore and, yada yada yada, worked his ass off and died a multimillionaire at 95 in sunny Miami Beach. I thought stories like this are celebrated and hallowed in American culture; with a lot of grit and determination, you can make your dreams come true. I thought it's everyone's dream to work hard, make money, and leave the next generation better off than yours was.

But throughout my life, I have always been made to feel guilty because of where, and more importantly who, I came from. I've always encountered people who have made snide comments about the car I was driving or the size of my parents' house. As a younger man, I got so guilted that I vowed that when I was out on my own, I would live more modestly than my parents because I wanted to be "real". If I could, I would go back in time and kick Younger-Me's ass. Not because it's so stupid that I was so concerned with being "real", or even that I thought I could be less "real" with a lot of money, but because this world is a rough place and a lot of money won't make all problems go away, but it certainly helps. Who in their right mind (besides a nun/monk who takes a vow of poverty) would want less than what they were brought up with? This is when I would back-hand Younger-Me.

But, the fact of the matter is that we are now conditioned to frown on prosperity. Even I have been browbeating "greedy" Wall Street. In this country, it used to be that we viewed someone who got rich as an example; someone we could learn from. Now, we view people who get rich with jealousy and resentment. Wealth is demonized because of our collective sense of entitlement and victim mentality born in the Great Society. Viewed through this lens, the wealth people acquire is not made through one's own hard work, but at someone else's expense.

The Presidential campaigns have appropriated this and are capitalizing on it. However, by doing so, they are stifling the ideal of "manifest destiny" and perpetuating the victim mentality. Case-in-point, look at Barack Obama's infomercial last night (which, I must say, was brilliant and has turned a new page in presidential politics). His "American stories" were not about successes, but about failures. Not one of them captured the American spirit as we know it. No one was celebrated for growing a small business or beatified for an innovation or creation. It focused on people who need help and that's all.

I guess that's the mood we're in this time round, but that type of pandering doesn't serve us well. The candidates should focus less on everything they're going to do to help, and more on how we can contribute to making ourselves whole again, by promoting and sustaining an environment that supports prosperity. Despite what the two parties think, neither of them have a monopoly on that objective. However, the two of them are as far from that sentiment as they ever have been. It's wrong for America.

The Agony of Being a Tennessee Fan

University of Tennessee fans and fans of any Philadelphia professional sports team have one very important thing in common: they are quick to turn on their team when things start going so south and when they do so, they do it with a vengeance. Many a Tennessee football coach, including legend Johnny Majors, has seen moving vans arrive at his house when the three-loss threshold has been reached. Sometimes, the pranks are a lot worse.

As a typical Tennessee fan, myself, I am partial to screaming "YOU SUCK!" when we don't make first downs and laugh sarcastically when we get penalties. I see it as "tough love". People who watch the game with me, however, wonder why I get so angry watching the team that I supposedly love. I retort that it is the agony of being a Tennessee fan.

If normal seasons result in agony, this season has resulted in pure, electrode-clipped-to-nipples, flown-to-a-secret-CIA-prison-and-waterboarded torture. The first game against UCLA, our defense (which is amazing) forced four interceptions in the first half. But, our offense (which is abysmal) failed to capitalize on any of them. The then-quarterback, Jonathan Crompton, was a basket-case who, when he wasn't running head-first into the opposing secondary, was screaming at his receivers for not catching the pass he threw to the sixth row in the bleachers. Because of sheer offensive impotence, the defense spent way too much time on the field and was exhausted by the end of the game and ended up relenting in overtime.

And this has been the story all season. Two weeks after that heart-breaker, Florida marched into Knoxville and silenced the crowd of 106,000 by pile-driving us 30-6. The orange exodus from the stadium at the start of the third quarter was stunning. Subsequently, the nail-biting loss to Auburn of 14-12 (whose offense is also abysmal), the thorough defeat by Georgia of 26-14, and Saturday's lashing by arch-rival Alabama of 29-9, has given the Vols their worst season since I can remember. The only SEC team we have beaten was Mississippi State and the only other two games we have won were the gimmes against Alabama-Birmingham (who?) and Northern Illinois (huh?).

This monstrosity has led to more militant Tennessee bloggers to call for coach Philip Fulmer's fat head (some of them literally). Some want them to lose all of their games so it is clear he needs to be fired (the "Throwing-out-the-baby-with-the-bath-water" approach). No true Tennessee fan, including yours truly, wants to see him at the helm next season. But, is it really all his fault?

Yes, Fulmer lacks any sort of charisma or leadership qualities, does not inspire discipline, and his murky recruiting dealings have hurt the team's reputation. But, he was the only coach to give us a national championship since 1967. And, let's face it: Florida, Georgia, Alabama, and Auburn are all really good teams. Maybe we shouldn't have lost to all of them, but I don't think any team this year, not even Texas, would be able to slay all of those beasts, especially not powerhouse Alabama. And even Alabama, as good as they are this year, still has to play at LSU November 8. The SEC is just the best conference in college football. Period.

As a cooler head in this debacle (yet heated up, nonetheless), I am prone writing this season off. We're not going to a bowl game, at least not a good one, and, needless to say, we are not in contention for the SEC East, let alone the entire conference. We will probably have a new coach next season and we will probably be back to our perennial second or third place in the SEC East. I might be deluding myself, but to use a mantra that Boston Red Sox and Chicago Cubs fans know all too well, "There's always next year".

Obama's Gamble

A lot of hubbub was made a few weeks back (yours truly, included) when John McCain suspended his campaign to "sort out" this financial crisis. It smacked of opportunism and, like most of his campaign decisions to date, it seemed impulsive and not well-thought-out. Of course, he was shamed back into "resuming" his campaign.

Now, Obama is taking a few days off to go to Hawaii to visit his ailing grandmother. With the exception of a few pundits out there, most people are regarding this as a legitimate hiatus. Though, I will be appalled if, in that time, he shamelessly has the press following him around. If he's going to visit his grandmother because he's afraid she might not have much longer, as he insists, he needs to tell his press entourage to kick back at Waikiki beach for a few days and give him some space.

That said, this suspension and McCain's suspension are apples and oranges. First, Obama is not suspending his entire campaign; Michelle, Joe Biden, and many other surrogates are still running the circuit and making appearances while Barry spends QT with Grandma. Secondly, when McCain suspended his campaign, the negative ads still ran, McCain was still attending fundraisers, and his surrogates were still making appearances.

A lot of people are calling this a gamble and I suppose that's a legitimate concern when you're this close to the election. But, unlike the transparent motives that drove McCain to suspend his campaign, I don't think Obama's motives are going to get him stung.

A Case of the Tuesdays

For most people, Monday is a dark and ominous day; it's the beginning of the work week where you report back from your weekend furlough and shackle yourself back in until Friday. It seems as though my current mood is permeating my words. I don't hate work, I don't hate my job, and I don't look at Monday through Friday as a prison sentence. It's just that we all have bad days and this Tuesday is pretty bad.

I woke up late this morning because something told me I should stay in bed. Despite my ominous feeling, the ride to work was beautiful and cloudless. The sun shone, the air was crisp, and O&A were hilarious. Can't be too bad right? Well...

For starters, Tuesdays are always my worst and busiest days. The higher-ups with their infinite wisdom have decided Tuesday is the day we execute our processes. Yes, I am aware that "execute our processes" sounds like innuendo for a bowel movement. But that would imply that process execution is even halfway as thrilling as a bowel movement, which it certainly is not. So in addition to my increased, but totally mundane, Tuesday workload, my sinuses have decided that they're going to inflate like balloon animals inside my head. I had plans to run home during lunch and get some meds, but that was kiboshed by a server crash, which prompted my supervisor to call me every five minutes to think out loud. As her mood ebbed and flowed with her calls, my head hurt more and more and I became slower and slower.

Every little thing, no matter how inconsequential, required so much more effort. And despite the fact that I had a million people breathing down my neck, the day was CREEPING. It's just a day where I hate this place and I want to tell everyone off. But I know, "this too shall pass" and tomorrow with a little more caffeine and sudafedrine, I will be in better spirits. But, all bets are off if Rajesh Kumar Vishnukolakola emails me with a participation certificate for his cricket league that he thinks satisfies a CPE credit.

WaPo Endorses Obama: DUH!

In one of the most obvious moves of the new century, the Washington Post wrote an editorial today that endorses Obama for President. I don't know what shocks me more: that this is coming from an ever-so-slightly left of center newspaper or that McCain and his mean-spirited and out-of-touch campaign alienated them.

In an equally un-obvious development, I also endorse Obama for President. While my past words might make this seem obvious, I was on the fence about these two until well into the summer, but Sarah Palin and the awful, hateful things McCain's supporters have been saying and doing have alienated me, just like they have with other Independents. Hopefully Obama can pull it out, but those of you who have been lucky enough to have the conversation with me on who I think will win know that I think good old-fashioned, deep-seeded racism is going to trump "hope" and financial catastrophe.

But, the fundamental question for me has always been: who cares who newspapers and, especially, celebrities endorse for President? Alec Baldwin is a comic genius, but his celebrity does not give him license to talk down to the "savages" and tell them who is good for them. We Americans invented the institution of modern democracy, yet more and more we base our decision on who other people tell us we should vote for. We are increasingly uneducated and ignorant on the real problems facing us and it is up to us to educate ourselves so we can confidently pull the lever on Election Day.

I despise it when I'll ask people what issues are driving their concerns this year and they retort with "I don't know and I don't really care." I just find it shocking that with everything confronting us this year that many Americans out there still look at politics and current events as something they took for a semester in high school that have no consequential effects on their current lives. If you take this world view, you don't deserve to vote, pure and simple. But, you're probably voting for McCain.

Todd and Betty Sue Are Here!

A visit with my parents is like a coming-of-age, John Hughes movie: you laugh, you cry, there is a big fight, and, generally, there's a happy ending.

That said, I am noticeably more edgy today than usual. Even before they arrived, there has been drama about the hotel where they were supposed to stay in: we told them repeatedly not to stay there, they book reservations there, we tell them again today for shits and giggles that we don't think it's that nice a place, and they subtly ask us why we never told them this. Ahhh, it's been too long.

However, the drama that accompanies my parents goes much deeper than what is mentioned above. For years, a visit with them made me feel like I was constantly walking in a minefield: I wouldn't know what I was going to say, do, or what I had done to disappoint them. It could be as inconsequential as the restaurant I have chosen or the fact that I have "abandoned" them to be under my inlaws' sphere of influence. It was a rocky road and my marriage initially caused quite a few strains, but I think all of us have finally figured out a way to work together.

My family's MO has always been this: avoid upsetting each other by keeping things to yourself. I was raised in an environment where dishonesty was tolerated because it meant Papa wouldn't bite your head off. Since this was so fundamental in me, it was my MO for awhile, too. But, I decided awhile ago that life is too short to be dishonest with the people to whom you are the most close. If you can't be honest with them, what's the point? This change in my tact makes me feel better and, I think, has even changed my mom's manner with my wife and I. It makes the relationship easier and stronger and it gives everyone a chance to spend quality time together in the short time we have to be together.

Despite the history and my angst, I am really excited to see my parents. I'm probably going to have an adrenaline crash on Sunday, but it should be a wonderful weekend.

A Return to Socialism?

As economic nuclear winter ensues and the Dow continues its downward trajectory (a 733 point drop today), there are a lot of Chicken Little's running around screaming that the sky is falling. Everyone is a critic; some say the government is doing too much, while others chastise Uncle Sam for not doing enough. The fact of the matter is the government doesn't yet know how much is exactly needed of it because no one, not even the bastards that put us all in this position, know how far this has permeated the global economy.

Based on the Economics-101 knowledge I have of high finance, I think Hank Paulson is doing a wonderful job of making lemonade out of the humongous lemons he has been given. While I don't think he should have expected Congress to write him a blank check and cast no oversight on him, I do think his sense of urgency and his navigation thus far are praise-worthy. As I said in another post, I think it is our lawmakers who have shamed themselves, not to mention the respective silence and opportunism of the Obama and McCain campaigns, and their handwringing (and hand-tying) have hobbled whatever effective government response there has been.

But anyway, back to the Chicken Littles. I love these armchair quarterbacks out there, whether they are journalists or my neighbor, who think they have a fix for this. "What they should have done is this...and what they need to do is that". Oh, please. Number one, if you know what they need to do or should have done, you wouldn't be writing for a newspaper or working for FactSet. Number two, how do you propose to fully understand a scenario that not even the people who created it even half-way understand? As such, in my opinion, only your observations are valid; your prescriptions can wait until banks stop failing, the stock market bottoms out, and homeowners stop defaulting en masse on their mortgages.

One of favorite gripes usually comes from the ranks of I-bankers, hedge fund managers, and/or any of the other narcissists who flaunted karma and brought everything crashing down. You hear them talking about the "People's Republic of Wall Street" and how partial nationalization of the big banks amounts to socialism. Even Paulson himself said nationalization in the banking sector is anathema to his beliefs. Notwithstanding the audacity these scumbags have to complain about the entity that is absorbing all of the consequences of their detrimental short-sightedness, what choice does the government have? In 1929, Treasury Secretary Andrew Mellon's response to the stock market crash was to tepidly leave the mess for the banks to sort out. And look where it got us. Now, with the complete global interconnectedness and interdependence of finance, without some hedge, some mitigation of risk, the Great Depression would look tame compared to what could happen.

We don't "do" socialism in this country. It's totally against who we are and where we came from. However, we're in no position to decry the government for trying to throw its weight against the specter of a complete global economic meltdown. Who knows if any of this will work, but we don't know unless we try. When the market rebounds and these schmucks figure out another way to cheat the system and make gazillions of dollars (they always do), the government will be in a unique position to sell its assets, thereby chomping down a tremendous amount of our national debt.

If I'm being too harsh on Wall Street, it is not my intention. I believe the blame goes all around: from the culture of deregulation to the homeowners who bit off more than they can chew. I just think that Wall Street should know better and, furthermore, the smugness and self-righteousness they have demonstrated throughout this process makes you wonder "If they're up here, who's running Hell?"

At the risk of contradicting my statement above, I have my own observations about this whole drama. Despite the fact that the stock market has dropped 40%, I think it is a good thing. The fact of the matter is that meaningless paper was traded at such incredibly inflated values for so long that investors, the market, and the invisible hand are re-evaluating their assets and finding the point of where they are supposed to be. And once everything stabilizes and the system corrects itself, then these guys can think up their next "Get-Rich-Quick" scheme. It might seem like socialism is on the way in, but Capitalism is here to stay.

Here's to the Fall

Every time of year, with the exception of mid-January to early March*, can lay claim to being the "best time of year". The spring always represents a new beginning; it breathes new life into our selves and reinforces our sense of ambition and resolve. The summer is when we do our "living"; every responsibility we otherwise so rigidly adhere to is back-burnered as we sneak out a little early on Thursdays to beat the beach traffic. The early winter, from Thanksgiving to New Years, reinforces the notions of togetherness, generosity, and resolution.

Despite the positive aspects of these seasons, they also have negative ones, though not as numerous and far less underwhelming. For example, spring can bring weeks of rain and invariably brings its allergies. Summer can bring excruciating heat and always has traffic jams. Early winter also has its traffic jams and soccer moms with Christmas sweaters who will throw elbows to get whatever the hot new item is this year. Again, these are far outweighed by their positive, uplifting brethren, but must be contended with, nonetheless.

Then there's the fall. Ahh, <deep nasal inhalation> yes, the fall. The period of mid-September to early November is a wonderful juncture of the summer's relaxing qualities with the finality and togetherness of early winter. We spend most of our free time in the outdoors, as we do in the summer, just maybe with a sweater. We get together with friends on weekends, navigating corn mazes and tailgating before a football game by day and sipping spiked cider by a bonfire by night. I find everything about this time of year, from the vibrant colors of the trees to the universal sense of snapping back into reality, so inspiring.

When I was a kid, the fall, mid-to-late October, especially, was hands-down my favorite time of the year. October 15 going forward until Halloween, I would come home from school and immediately change into my Halloween costume. The excitement peaked when we carved the pumpkins acquired from Ashland Berry Farm and reached its crescendo when we set out on Halloween night. As I grew older the excitement followed the same trajectory, only pumpkin-carving was replaced by purchasing economy-size packages of toilet paper and trick-or-treating was replaced by drunken costume parties that involved slutty Catholic school girls, maids, nurses, policewomen, etc.

At 28, I still feel the same inspiration and excitement that I have every fall. I love watching the leaves gradually change into their magnificent colors, I love college football, I love "Rocky Horror Picture Show", I love thinking about what I am going to dress up as, I love pumpkin patches, hot cider, and barbecues where you have to wear a sweater. But, I also love how fall marks the beginning of the slide downward into the cold, dark months and how it reinvigorates our sense of purpose. I actually like how the work is picking up and how everyone, including myself, naturally snaps back into it after being distracted all summer.

I guess you could look at these latter qualities represent fall's negatives and I guess you would be right. But, unlike the traffic jams of summer, histamine-infused agony of spring, and overly-aggressive soccer moms of early winter, I love these negative qualities. Onward to Halloween and hip hip hooray for the fall!

*No offense, mid-January to early March, but you're cold, miserable, and nobody likes you.