A Modest Proposal

The unravelling of the fabric of American society as we know it (known in short-hand as "2008") has reached proportions I had never thought possible. From the global financial collapse to shoes being thrown at Bush, this country and our society is in a tailspin. The response of government officials and/or respective authorities charged with correcting these severe problems is to pretend no one was ever responsible for them and then to throw money at them and hope to God they will go away soon.

Unsurprisingly, this approach doesn't seem to be working. The I-bankers who made the supremely idiotic decisions which led to the financial meltdown are still at the helm of our largest financial institutions, the Big Three automakers are going to get a bridge loan to another bridge loan, and so on. Apparently, it is terribly out of fashion to hold people accountable for their actions. But, without accountability, there are no consequences, and without consequences, there are no lessons to be learned, and without lessons to be learned, well, you get the idea.

When I was a kid, if my brother and I cursed, we got our mouths scrubbed with soapy washcloths. I hit my brother with a switch one time, so my dad hit me with the same switch. If we erred, we were punished. A simple concept which is lost on many a scumbag these days. So, am I suggesting we wash their mouths out with soap? Not exactly. Even going back to the Ken Lays and Dennis Kozlowskis who literally stole from their employees to fund their lavish lifestyles, the offences these people have been perpetrating have been especially heinous and downright malicious. Now, with Bernard Madoff, a new low has been reached and it seems an example has been set: screw everyone else; I can do what I want when I want.

Stay with me, now. We have never been so unfortunate as to have a reign of terror in this country. Even the British, our sophisticated forebears, had the Cromwellian Protectorate. The French had their Robespierre, the Russians Stalin, the Germans...well, we don't need to go there. At first glance, a reign of terror sounds awful and anathema to democracy. But, it also restores order, sets examples, and purges a society of its worst elements.

Therefore, it is my modest proposal that upon taking office, President Obama implements a program to purge American society of its current toxins. To do this, we're going to need a few public executions. The obvious ones are politicians suspected of corruption. Coerce some confessions, stage some quick show trials, and make the subsequent executions a public spectacle on the National Mall. Follow suit with the biggest offenders responsible for financial meltdown and defintely loop in the heads of the Big Three. I would say with 400-500 public executions, people should get the idea and start behaving.

As a society, we have become way too forgiving, as well as fat, stupid, and lazy. As such, we're probably also going to need a few camps to send people when they don't...meet certain criteria. If we can hit the ground running and get these two things going quickly, we should be in pretty good shape. I wish it didn't come to this, but we're really left with no choice. The people need to change their behavior and there's no chance of that with democracy. Do youself a favor, nay, do your COUNTRY a favor and DEMAND that President Obama institutes a reign of terror without delay.

'Tis The Season

I am of the opinion that there is a yin and yang to the holiday season; for all of the bacchanalia and bonhomie of the season, there are traffic jams, competitions of a carnal nature, and generally uncomfortable obligations (whether they are office holiday parties or fighting the mob to get your kid that new doo-dad for $89.95). Simply put, the holidays often bring both the best and the worst in us.

This past weekend, I donned my armor and weaponry and set forth on a mission to slay my holiday beasts in a one-weekend span. I was armed with a list, a large coffee, and a full tank of gas. Driving out of my development, I felt like one of those soldiers in the landing craft on D-Day, mentally preparing myself for the bloody challenges which lie ahead.

I started off small: Stop & Shop. While I didn't expect a lot of resistance, I did expect to be navigating around people frantically buying turkeys, hams, and other Christmas goodies. But, no, just another Saturday at the Norwalk S+S. No problem.

I decided to up the ante a little bit and head to Target. Wow. Street parking. Didn't expect that. All I needed were gift cards, so to Customer Service I went. No line? Weird. OK, Customer Service says I need to go to a register. Oh boy, this is where I meet my end. Wait a minute. 1, 2, 3, 4 registers have no lines. Where the hell is everybody?

OK, off to Lord and Taylor. There has to be a battle waiting for me there. Hmmmm, lost-looking men? Check. Holiday music barely audible amidst the screaming and shuffling of indulgent Fairfield County housewives? Check. HA! Here was the battle I was anticipating. Before I could start pushing and adding to the chaos, I noticed a lot of black-clad, bored-looking, idle store clerks. The lost-looking men were husbands of the bitchy, bratty houswives trying on boots, jeans, jewelry, and makeup. This wasn't holiday chaos! This was a normal Saturday!

When I walked back to the car (a short walk, mind you, meaning the store wasn't really that busy), I realized two things. One, the economic crisis is for real. Maybe more people are shopping online, maybe I happened to come along on an off weekend, but something was off. The second thing is I was spoiling for conflict, even though I tell myself and others I don't like the drama of the holidays. I guess an essential component of my holiday normalcy is fighting the crowds. Even though the ease in which I got things done should have been a HUGE convenience, it was alien to me. I wonder if any of you have experienced this.

Disappointed, but loaded with schwag in record time, I made my way home. Oh, shoot, I need to go to Walmart for some bulk stuff. As I turned the corner on Danbury Road and saw that every single parking space in the immense Walmart parking lot was taken, I knew I would get my fight yet.

The amount of CRAP people were furiously loading in their shopping carts made me realize we are still an impulse-driven society, just one that has to go down-market this year. On the paper towel aisle, I was almost run over (twice) by people running with shopping carts to beat others to the toy and electronic sections. I saw two people in a tug-of-war, literally, with a flat screen TV, which was marked down quite a bit, and one kid crying while self-consumed adults paid no mind as they rushed past her in order to shower their kids with useless, dangerous, Chinese-made dreck on Christmas Day. I took a deep breath and sighed. Even though I didn't need anything, I decided it would be healthy for me to jump in the fray for a few minutes. "HEY! I had it first!" And a happy new year...

Koyaanisqatsi

"Koyaanisqatsi" is a Hopi word meaning "life out of balance". It is also the title of an amazing 1982 documentary in which music and images are brilliantly juxtaposed; there is no dialogue or words spoken, save for the film's namesake ominously and repetitously chanted at its beginning and end. I have seen the entire film once in a college film class and fortuitously stumbled upon it last night on an obsure high-numbered cable channel. As it did seven years ago, it very quickly sucked me in, but this time amazed me more.

From a macro level, I think what I like most about "Koyaanisqatsi" is that it is a snap-shot of every facet of American life as it was in 1982. You can see a movie that was filmed that year or watch reruns of shows which ran during that time, but by showcasing such mundane images (such as cars driving on freeways or people scurrying in train stations) the film's director, Godfrey Reggio, allows the viewer to see how America was without its makeup. The length of time he focuses on each image, all while haunting melodies are repeating themselves over and over, gives you the opportunity to make analysis after analysis of what you are seeing. Like good sex, it is exhausting, yet wonderful.

On a micro level, however, Reggio's "snap-shot" shows us the contradictions of America as it was. It reminds me of Mark Twain's stinging observations of the West around the turn of the 20th Century, with "her pocket full of boodle, and her mouth full of pious hypocrisies. Give her soap and a towel, but hide the looking-glass." He begins the film by showcasing this country's natural beauty and then rudely interrupts this montage with footage of strip-mining. Then, a family is shown sunbathing on a beach, but when the camera slowly zooms out and pans up, we see they are literally in the shadow of a nuclear power plant. The entire middle section of the film shows how our industry and innovation has actually made us anonymous pegs in a giant machine (the visual juxtapositions are blatant in presenting this assumption). But, the brilliance of the film is that the imagery is not presented in a biased way: you see for yourself what were the mundane aspects of 1982. There's nothing sugar-coating it, but there is nothing demonizing it, either.

"Koyaanisqatsi" itself is a contradiction; it is hauntingly beautiful. But, watching it last night made me wonder what images we would see if the film were reprised today. Certainly, many of the same contradictions still exist, but we have many different images, situations, and scenarios today, the complexity of which someone from 1982 would not be able to put their head around. But, it shows that, regardless of how much control we have over the things which surround us, life will always be out of balance.

What's Wrong With Bankruptcy?

Yesterday, a good friend of mine sent me a mock magazine ad (see left), meant to look like it came from a car company, which read: "You Wouldn't Buy Our Shitty Cars. So, We'll Be Taking Your Money Anyway. The Bailout. Coming This January." Initially, it gave me a chuckle, then a stir, and then it led me to ask: Why are we giving these dinosaurs a free pass?

Rather than focus on the implications of an auto industry bailout, I think it's more useful to focus on how Detroit got here. Let's face it: Detroit has been struggling for the better part of 20 years. One reason is globalization, which Detroit has fought tooth and nail. Regional trade agreements, joint ventures, mergers, acquisitions, and all the other facets of global economic integration have made imported cars much more readily available in the US market. Because of that, the number of different imported cars has skyrocketed, so, based on the tenets of supply and demand, the price for Mercedes', Lexus', BMW's, and the like have gone way down to a point where more people can afford them. But, the biggest reason is that Detroit, once the center of automobile innovation, has become an imitator. At the expense of creating "normal" cars (four-door sedans, etc), they foolishly poured all of their capital and creativity into developing gas-guzzling behemoths. I seriously wonder, when this business model was conceived, if anyone in the boardroom asked what would happen if the price of oil ever jumped to, say, $147/bbl?

I understand that the union costs and "$73/hour for the average worker" are a huge part of this, but these are realities that have been baked in for decades. Unfortunately, they are unavoidable and must be dealt with. What I am stuck on is the paper-thin security of this business model. Of course, the Big Three had every right to surf the wave of cheap oil in 90's and build a thriving business based on such cheap oil. A crucial part of business is successfully capitalizing on events which are out of your control. However, to survive, you have to be flexible; have a proverbial "Plan B". What we are now seeing is that Plan B is to ask for the government, and by extension taxpayers, to assume the consequences of your egregious errors.

The cornerstone of modern capitalism is that there will be winners and losers. Unfortunately, thanks to the "Everybody-gets-a-trophy" mentality that has crept into our society, apparently now it is the taxpayers' role to take care of the losers. This is bogus. It used to be when your business model was flawed, you tweaked it and tried again. And if you were big enough, like the size of Ford, GM, or Chrysler, for example, you got to file for bankruptcy, which is basically a business do-over. You would go into a room for a couple of months, make some cuts here, some additions there, get some new management, and, voila, you had a new and improved, lean, mean, business machine. It didn't always work, but sometimes it did.

The bottom line is, however, if you wanted the rewards, you had to assume the risk, as well. But, now, we've decided that it's a better idea to give the Big Three a "Get Out of Jail" card and throw money at the problem, an economic version of tinkling on a forest fire. What's going to happen at the end of the month when the $15 billion is spent up, but payroll can't be made and materials can't be purchased? You can bet that these same CEO's are going to come back to Washington with their tails between their legs asking for one more chance.

Frankly, I don't think they deserve a second chance. Like with every other company who had a crappy business model, the "winds of creative destruction" need to shatter them into a million pieces and, a-la Evil T-1000, they need to re-gel into an entity or entities that are equipped to deal with the realities of the 21st Century global market. I'm not going to claim what this entails, as I am not a Harvard-educated CEO. But, I do know that throwing taxpayer money at the problem is only going to make us all poorer. As such, bankruptcy is the only answer. Jobs will be lost, yes, and benefits will be cut. Some cars we take for granted today might not be on the road tomorrow. But, this is all going to happen anyway. We might as well let it happen in a way we can manage and that will enable us to create something in the inevitable ashes of these unfixable corporations.