Where, O Where, is Willpower?

At the beginning of a swim class that Grace took recently, the instructor would have the parents cover their children's eyes while she would sing "Where, o where, o where is ____? Where, o where, o where is ____? Where, o where, o where is ____? OH! There he/she is!" She did this for each child in the class. Some kids loved it, some kids freaked out; Grace, having none of it, would bob and weave and slam my hand down, never losing site of the instructor. She wasn't scared or unhappy; she just wanted this woman to know that she had her eye on her. Anyone who knows Grace would undoubtedly say, "Yep, that sounds about right."

The bottom line is at the end of the little ditty, the child was always found. They always appeared. They might have been gone or lost for a brief moment but then OH! There they are! It's a comforting lesson, I think, to teach children: that something can be misplaced and not found for a brief period, but if you ask, ponder, and search for it, you can always find it. In reality, is this guaranteed? Of course not. But, isn't our job as parents to gently ease our kids into reality until they're old enough to realize that it's not always equitable?

Then there are things we lose all the time and find again only to lose again. Becky will tell you that for me, this item is my wallet. She says my reaction in any time of stress - moving, wedding, Grace's medical issues - is for me to lose my wallet. But, my artful ability to make a stressful situation more stressful is a story for another day - and perhaps for a therapist. There are other things in my life that are constantly going through the revolving door of lost and found; from the material and tangible like my keys to the fundamental and intrinsic like willpower.

Willpower is a funny thing. Some people have tons of it and know how to leverage it. Not only that, they never seem to lose it. They know where it is at all times. It's like they can see it in their hands and can use it like a Care Bear Stare to get things done and bend the world their way. I envy these people as sometimes I feel like my willpower behaves like a mischievous puppy that has something I want and is able to dart away from me with every move I make. The more resolute I am, the better it is at avoiding me, so eventually I give up. Inevitably, when I give up, the justification parade isn't that far behind. "I'm tired", "I left everything I have at work", "I had a rough day", "Grace was difficult today", "I don't have any money", and my favorite "I'll do it tomorrow. I just need tonight to get myself together mentally". Tomorrow comes and goes; Willpower is in the corner comfortably gnawing on whatever it was I wanted and I'm like Billy Crystal in that scene in "When Harry Met Sally" where he's just lying in bed watching TV whimpering.

Now, am I different from that many of us? I don't think so. If everyone were these aforementioned "doers", there would be no war, no poverty, no unhappiness. Everyone would have willed themselves to contentment. I fear that for most of us, our willpower ebbs and flows like the tide. It's only natural to sometimes say "Screw it. Will the world end if this waits for me to tackle it tomorrow?". Problem is, this latter demographic is a gray area; some people are better at bringing themselves back than others who just descend into downward spiral of inertia. I happen to be in this latter latter group and once I'm on the trajectory, the moons have to align for me to get back.

Needless to say I'm used to this pattern. But, last week, when the diet was on-its-ass broken, when I was watching TV until 11:30 instead of reading, and when I put off starting that project - AGAIN! - something clicked. I said to myself "This is ridiculous. I am a more-than-capable 31 year old man with an education and accomplishments. The only thing standing between me and getting something done is me." So, I set a date (today) and said "On this day, I will do ___". This ___ loosely translates to the obligations that had been slacking: dieting, reading, keeping things up around the house, tackling those projects at work, etc. Granted, I am only part of the day through Day 1, but so far so good. Just some general observations that I've made along the way:

1. Do, don't think: I overthink everything and when we think too much our brains start to undermine our resolve. Instead, I'm just doing. No thinking about what I'm having for lunch; I'm just going right to the salad bar. That project is at the top of my to do list? OK, I'm not going to think about what else I can do; I'm going to get to work on this project. I've found it's actually quite liberating to get away from my brain, given how much my brain tortures me.

2. Make a list: I am a linear person, so lists - tangible, numbered lists - work well for me. There's a certain satisfaction of being able to make the list shorter by knocking off tasks one by one. Not only that - and this ties into the first observation - I'm not being creative in how I accomplish the tasks on the list. I'm just picking them off starting at the beginning. Again, this is pretty liberating.

3. Take breaks: In this one day, I have noticed a marked difference in my productivity, effectiveness, and problem-solving by allowing myself to take short breaks here and there. If I can detach myself from something for like 5 minutes instead of obsessing, going crazy, and then inevitably checking out mentally, I come back to it with a fresh mindset and can either overcome the obstacle or be able to look at the big picture to see if the obstacle is even worth considering.

4. Documentation: If I write down what I'm doing, I can not only keep track of what I've done, but it also gives me an opportunity to revisit what I've done and think about it for a minute. In the rush to get things done, the tasks I accomplish are often water under the bridge. Documenting them gives me the opportunity to figure out next steps and/or manage my time to make sure the deadline is met. It's truly a game-changer for me. Of course, the only way it works is by sticking to it.

Again, the only thing standing between me and my willpower is me. It wasn't this genius epiphany I came to. I simply said to myself that I am an able person and all I have to do is tell my brain to get out of the way so that I can work. So, where o where is willpower? AH! There it is!