Goals Document

Forgive me, as I am a week late in expressing a happy new year.

One of the perks of Judaism is this whole "second new year" thing. To be a accurate, this was the original "new year", but is not nice to the goyim to point out that our traditions are two and a half times older than theirs. I digress. Second new year means second new year's resolutions; a second chance to make good on what you resolved, but inevitably failed to do nine months ago.

Now, I don't know if it's because our lives are about to be fundamentally and wonderfully changed in two month's time; or if I'm at a point where I look at myself and the way I do things and say "This just isn't working"; I think it's both. All I know is that this is the first new year where I said to myself "I need to call some new plays; I need to fundamentally switch up my life; I need to be a better husband, father, man, person, and employee; I need to change."

This is also the first time I'm truly understanding that change is an evolution and evolution takes time. Not like "river carving out the Grand Canyon" time, but time nonetheless. In our world of instant gratification - by which I, admittedly, am way too ready to abide - we expect ourselves to adapt to rapid change immediately. Hence, this is why our resolutions fail. The first test of our wills is regarded as a hopeless obstacle: "I've changed, yet I find myself not wanting to go along with the program right this second. Oh well, I guess the field is lost." 

Nonsense. Anyone who trains for a physical challenge, is rehabbing, or is learning something new will tell you that they can only improve if they are increasingly challenged. They know that much time and effort have to go into achieving their goal. Why would changing our core values, habits, workflows, etc take any less time or require any less effort?

They don't, and as I set about to make this volte-face, I'm keeping the pitfalls at the front of my mind. The best way to stave off apathy toward your goals is to keep them in focus at all times; don't let them out of your sight. Take time to stew in them; when you have a few minutes here or there, check back in on them and remember what you're trying to achieve. It's hard to let something go by the wayside when it's omnipresent in your mind!

I think the best way to do this is to write your goals down somewhere. It gives you a central repository to look at. You don't have to remember and possibly lose crucial components of your end-goals as time goes on. So, without further ado and for the whole world-wide web to see, here is my goal repository.

1. Treat your body better: I look at myself and I am repulsed. I have never had a particularly athletic build as I am not a natural athlete, but I have never been this heavy or out of shape. I am not careful about what I eat, though sometimes I go on short-lived kicks where I will eat somewhat better. I never exercise, though I'm constantly resolving to "run tonight". I don't go to sleep until midnight most nights and sleep late the following morning, meaning I'm rushed and have no time to eat a healthy breakfast. I know what I need to do, but I don't do it. How can I solve this problem? Uh, well, DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO, FOR STARTS! I think this one is easiest to accomplish. Simply eat better. It's as easy as getting a salad at lunch rather than the soup and sandwich combo. It's as simple as ordering the salmon rather than the steak-frites when out at dinner. It will be hard at first: I love to eat and eat badly, at that. But, perseverance works and pretty soon, this becomes habit. I need to catch that habit train and then it's cake, no pun intended. Same goes for exercise and getting to sleep earlier. But don't go all in at once. Is is what bogs us down and causes us to lose our wills. Remember, this all takes time. One thing at a time. Build habits off the low hanging fruit and then you're on track to make better habits elsewhere.

2. Think less, Do More: I have been told I am a thinker. I have tons of stuff swimming around in my head and it plays and replays in my mind, or comes pouring out here, as you can see. As we know, too much information can lead to inertia and I've seen this happen to myself way too many times. I'll overthink and miss my chance, or overthink and make the wrong decision. We survived for millennia by relying on our instincts and despite the major technological and intellectual advancements of the past 200 years, physiology dictates we still have great instincts and by looking to them - in their no-frills, black and white way - we can make great decisions. Like everyone, I got a good gut and I'm gonna go with it more often.

3. Be here: When I get lost in my mind - see previous point - I leave the present. Physically, I'm here, but for Grace and Becky, I am not available. In fact, before I wrote this point, I took a long break to play with Grace. It's great to spend time with your thoughts, but if you spend too much time in your mind, you miss out on the present. The most important thing in life is family and I resolve to spend more time with mine and less time with my thoughts.

4. Let Go: This is really the biggest challenge for me, but the reward is also the biggest. I have a lot of anger; I come from angry people who do not know how to move on and let things go. They do not let things slide. They prejudge. It's definitely not something I want in my life nor something I want my kids to inherit. Becky has done a wonderful job rewiring me, but there are some things I need to take ownership of and fix myself. I've decided that the best way to do this is to wipe the slate clean right now. As such, any slights and predispositions I have are forgiven and reset, respectively. Everyone is back at the baseline. I will not keep score. I will not hold grudges. I will not let things burn me on the inside. I will not prejudge. I will not hate. I will keep things in perspective and "keep it in check". I will see my life for what it is, blessed, and not look at everything as half-empty. When I was growing up, I was surrounded by people who were guilty of all of this and I am the product of it. There is a big picture, much bigger than all of us, and the universe has a remarkable way of keeping everything in equilibrium. I can't lose myself in the negativity and I can't subject my children to the same environment in which I was forced to grow up. I need my kids to not hate; to not be bitter; to believe in themselves. It's up to me to give them environment in which this is all possible.

So, here they are: lofty but achievable goals that I intend to accomplish. I also understand that while they won't take a lifetime to achieve, they also won't be accomplished overnight. The Army Corps of Engineers can redirect a river, but it takes planning, focus, perseverance, and patience. When trying to attain our goals, the status quo is our river, our minds are the engineers, and the realization of our goals is the eventual redirection. It can be done, but like anything worth doing, requires time and care. Time to get to work...