Our Town

Switcheroo

2011-08-25T11:49:00.000-07:00

In my short, post-graduate career, I have switched jobs seven times. In all but one of them, I couldn't wait to leave and it always had to do with the manager (or managers in the case of one of them). From micromanagers with grudges to aloof narcissists, I have had my fair share of manager drama and each time, I reached a point where I couldn't take working in that particular role any longer. In one instance, in the aforementioned role with multiple managers, I actually got pushed to the point where I told one of them off. Thinking I had surely sealed my fate as an ex-intern of this non-governmental organization, I packed my things and left, only to get a call a half-hour later asking where I went. I don't know what surprised me more: not only had I not been canned, but also that they just felt I was of sound enough emotional control to continue working that day. Obviously, this scenario was well-worn territory for them. But, I digress.

I now find myself on the cusp of switching jobs for an eighth time, but unlike all of the others, this time there was no urgency to my decision. I am perfectly content in my current role; sure, it has its frustrations, but what job doesn't? This is the first time that I have actually had to think about making a move, weighing pros and cons, obsessing on whether or not the decision I make is the correct one. So, after the pros and cons lists, as well as counsel with multiple parties - thanks to all of you who served as sounding boards! - I decided to close my eyes and make the switch. Ultimately, it's what is best for my long-term career growth and happens to be with a group that's just getting off the ground with an ever-expanding purview. However, I find the whole thing to be bittersweet, complemented with a substantial palette of emotions, ranging from giddy with excitement to disappointed I'm throwing in the towel on something into which I've invested a lot of myself.

In my previous roles, I relished the chance I got to tell my then-managers that I was leaving. It was the day I had been waiting for; the night before I was to tell them, I couldn't sleep, excitedly anticipating what stupid, disappointed face they would make upon getting the news. Some gave me the stupid, disappointed face I wanted, some presented a lamentable front which belied their excitement to finally being rid of me, some got really upset, and some frankly didn't care. But, the one thing all of those experiences had in common was my exuberance to experience them. In contract, this time around, I procrastinated like crazy before telling my manager I was making a move. He's been an incredibly fair manager; I have always had the level of autonomy that I need to be productive, yet can always get direction when I need it. He's also been more than fair in accommodating the time off I need to take for Grace's medical issues; never a guilt trip and always "Of course! Do what you need to do." I really had a pain in my gut walking down to his office to tell him my plan.

The irrational part of me said that I don't need to tell him; I won't tell him, he'll be none the wiser to my scheming, and meanwhile I'll work secretly for the new manager. It's not like that's incredibly unfeasible or that he and the new manager have been friends since I was in high school. So, needless to say, I was shocked hearing myself calmly and matter-of-factly explaining my decision and how I arrived at it. He was disappointed, sure, and I could see a flash of "Shit, now I need to hire someone when I had no intention to do so", but like always, dealt with this fairly and respectfully. It really made it easier and I'm happy to say there hasn't been a second of awkwardness and, so far, I haven't detected an ounce of resentfulness.

Of course, it wasn't just the dynamic between my manager and I that I was concerned with disrupting. Of equal concern was the dynamic I have with my report, my coworkers, and my work itself. My report initially thought I was firing him, but then warmed to the challenge this presents for him and the opportunities for him to take ownership of some items. I knew this was going to hit one particular coworker hard, but I was able to, I hope, allay some of his fears that this transition would be as seamless as possible. But, I think the most difficult part of this will be gradually detaching myself from my current workload. I am now in a position of ownership and authority and I'm not fooled into thinking that being a "newborn" isn't going to be one of the largest challenges I've ever faced. I have put so much of myself into what I've done for the past two and a half years and the thought of handing it over to someone else is very hard for me to accept, control freak that I am.

But, the fact of the matter is that our lives are nothing but strings of different adventures, stumbles, challenges, and milestones and that flow needs to keep flowing. I've always told myself that as soon as I slowed down and started to feel complacent that I needed to jump to the next thing. I haven't noticed it, but a little ping of complacency has been steadily growing these last few months. I guess the universe has been trying to tell me something and I guess I listened.

Really, I Don't Need Sleep

2011-08-16T07:27:00.000-07:00

If you know Becky or I, you know that our little bean bottom, Grace, has experienced her fair share of medical issues in her short life. First, it was reflux, then reflux and colitis, then torticollis, then these neurological issues. Despite all of the doctor visits - and requisite poking, prodding, and occasional sedation - she is an incredibly sweet, good-natured child with a wonderful sense of adventure and an attitude that I, frankly, find inspiring. This is not to say that there aren't times when I have to leave the room and take 5 deep breaths because she's about to push me over the edge - the habitual spitting of masticated chicken nuggets comes to mind. But, overall we have been blessed, blessed, blessed by the joy she has brought us and I'm sure will continue to bring us as she grows up.

As we were eating dinner last night, I asked Becky if having children means "there's always something"; the monkey wrenches like changing what and how much she eats, when she will have separation anxiety, diarrhea, an obsession with cups, etc. She said "Of course." I can't help but thinking, however, that we have more of a "there's always something" experience with Grace than most parents have with their children. There are, of course, her medical issues, but what can you do about that? It's something we just have to deal with and a long time ago I got over the "Woe is me" tendencies and got it together because I have to be there for her. Travelling to Philadelphia once every three months for a MRI with sedation and Jersey every once in awhile for visits to the neurologist are our normal; we don't know any other way.

The most frustrating, sometimes agonizing, thing about this child is her sleep pattern, or lack thereof to be more apt. We can attribute the fact that she has never been a good sleeper to her reflux she had as a newborn. She was in such pain - la pauvre - that instead of sleeping throughout the day, as most newborns do, she screamed. Literally 16-20 hours a day, screamed. We couldn't put her down in a bouncey chair, swing, or crib. She would finally pass out at about 11 PM and sleep until 7 or 8 the next morning in a bassinet, but other than those 8 or 9 hours, she was being held. This persisted and Becky ended up having her in a sling all day. But, she barely ever slept during the day.

She evolved to fight sleep and needless to say, we weren't all that surprised, once we actually got her on the semblance of a sleep schedule, when she dropped her second daily nap at 9 months. I guess Mother Nature, puzzled, gave up and said "Fine, if you don't want to sleep, don't." We got over the loss of the second nap because, really, did we have a choice? But, since 9 months,we've been stuck in a VISCIOUS pattern, over which we have no power. Currently, you have some days when she doesn't even take one nap. I have assigned a scientific term for these days: sucky. Then, sometimes you get a combo punch where she won't nap during the day and then wakes up in the middle of the night. This pattern persists, getting a little worse each day, and when we finally get used to it and expect it, she sleeps through the night and - shocker - wakes up rosy-cheeked and happy. Before this good night's sleep, she was a crotchedy, ornery, little runt because she was so freakin' overtired! Everyone we know has said things like, "They go through phases. They do. Mine went through one, too. But, I've never seen them do this over and over. That's really weird." Well, you've been tremendously helpful...

As you can probably imagine, Becky and I are also crotchedy, ornery runts when this is all happening. Mornings just suck. We're zombies. My brain is like an outdated computer, my CPU crunching as it limps along; thoughts like "I need milk for my coffee" have a little hourglass in my brain. I can't wait to get to work where at least I have some freakin' control over something! Poor Becky, in turn, has to deal with Christina - the name I coined for Grace's pissed-off alter-ego - all day. And if she doesn't nap, I can bet that I'm going to get a desperation call.

On these days, I think we're both working for bedtime. 5:30 rolls around and you're like "OK, all I need to do is get her through dinner. I can do this." After she's down - and she takes sometimes 2 hours to fall asleep after we put her in her crib - we have dinner in front of the TV and get in bed and finally, praise God, drift...off...to sleep...ONLY TO BE AWAKENED AT 12:30 or 1:00. Rinse and repeat, as desired.

There are 5 stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance - which I think also hold true for sleep deprivation at the hands of a child. I would say I'm at depression and Becky is at acceptance. This last bout has been ebbing and flowing for about 3 weeks. At one point, 6 out of 7 days, Grace was up for 3 hours in the middle of the night. When this was happening, I was definitely in the anger and bargaining phases. When she was up from 12:30 to 2:30 last night and then up again at 5:00, I was just sad. Especially at 5:00. Because light was creeping through the blinds and you knew there was no going back to sleep. So sad...

I've gotten to the point, however, that I'm mostly sad for her. It's not like she's not tired. Sometimes she just stares at me and it's like she's asleep with her eyes open. She's exhausted and overtired. At night, when I'm awake listening to her squawking and singing on the monitor, I ask myself what's going on that wakes her up. Is the reflux back? Is she having nightmares? Is she teething? Are her circadian rhythms just in outer space? It's enough to make you crazy. But, you're too tired to be crazy.

I'm sure this will pass. And when it does something else will pop up. It's like raising a child is a game of whack-a-mole.

Where, O Where, is Willpower?

2011-08-15T08:24:00.000-07:00

At the beginning of a swim class that Grace took recently, the instructor would have the parents cover their children's eyes while she would sing "Where, o where, o where is ____? Where, o where, o where is ____? Where, o where, o where is ____? OH! There he/she is!" She did this for each child in the class. Some kids loved it, some kids freaked out; Grace, having none of it, would bob and weave and slam my hand down, never losing site of the instructor. She wasn't scared or unhappy; she just wanted this woman to know that she had her eye on her. Anyone who knows Grace would undoubtedly say, "Yep, that sounds about right."

The bottom line is at the end of the little ditty, the child was always found. They always appeared. They might have been gone or lost for a brief moment but then OH! There they are! It's a comforting lesson, I think, to teach children: that something can be misplaced and not found for a brief period, but if you ask, ponder, and search for it, you can always find it. In reality, is this guaranteed? Of course not. But, isn't our job as parents to gently ease our kids into reality until they're old enough to realize that it's not always equitable?

Then there are things we lose all the time and find again only to lose again. Becky will tell you that for me, this item is my wallet. She says my reaction in any time of stress - moving, wedding, Grace's medical issues - is for me to lose my wallet. But, my artful ability to make a stressful situation more stressful is a story for another day - and perhaps for a therapist. There are other things in my life that are constantly going through the revolving door of lost and found; from the material and tangible like my keys to the fundamental and intrinsic like willpower.

Willpower is a funny thing. Some people have tons of it and know how to leverage it. Not only that, they never seem to lose it. They know where it is at all times. It's like they can see it in their hands and can use it like a Care Bear Stare to get things done and bend the world their way. I envy these people as sometimes I feel like my willpower behaves like a mischievous puppy that has something I want and is able to dart away from me with every move I make. The more resolute I am, the better it is at avoiding me, so eventually I give up. Inevitably, when I give up, the justification parade isn't that far behind. "I'm tired", "I left everything I have at work", "I had a rough day", "Grace was difficult today", "I don't have any money", and my favorite "I'll do it tomorrow. I just need tonight to get myself together mentally". Tomorrow comes and goes; Willpower is in the corner comfortably gnawing on whatever it was I wanted and I'm like Billy Crystal in that scene in "When Harry Met Sally" where he's just lying in bed watching TV whimpering.

Now, am I different from that many of us? I don't think so. If everyone were these aforementioned "doers", there would be no war, no poverty, no unhappiness. Everyone would have willed themselves to contentment. I fear that for most of us, our willpower ebbs and flows like the tide. It's only natural to sometimes say "Screw it. Will the world end if this waits for me to tackle it tomorrow?". Problem is, this latter demographic is a gray area; some people are better at bringing themselves back than others who just descend into downward spiral of inertia. I happen to be in this latter latter group and once I'm on the trajectory, the moons have to align for me to get back.

Needless to say I'm used to this pattern. But, last week, when the diet was on-its-ass broken, when I was watching TV until 11:30 instead of reading, and when I put off starting that project - AGAIN! - something clicked. I said to myself "This is ridiculous. I am a more-than-capable 31 year old man with an education and accomplishments. The only thing standing between me and getting something done is me." So, I set a date (today) and said "On this day, I will do ___". This ___ loosely translates to the obligations that had been slacking: dieting, reading, keeping things up around the house, tackling those projects at work, etc. Granted, I am only part of the day through Day 1, but so far so good. Just some general observations that I've made along the way:

1. Do, don't think: I overthink everything and when we think too much our brains start to undermine our resolve. Instead, I'm just doing. No thinking about what I'm having for lunch; I'm just going right to the salad bar. That project is at the top of my to do list? OK, I'm not going to think about what else I can do; I'm going to get to work on this project. I've found it's actually quite liberating to get away from my brain, given how much my brain tortures me.

2. Make a list: I am a linear person, so lists - tangible, numbered lists - work well for me. There's a certain satisfaction of being able to make the list shorter by knocking off tasks one by one. Not only that - and this ties into the first observation - I'm not being creative in how I accomplish the tasks on the list. I'm just picking them off starting at the beginning. Again, this is pretty liberating.

3. Take breaks: In this one day, I have noticed a marked difference in my productivity, effectiveness, and problem-solving by allowing myself to take short breaks here and there. If I can detach myself from something for like 5 minutes instead of obsessing, going crazy, and then inevitably checking out mentally, I come back to it with a fresh mindset and can either overcome the obstacle or be able to look at the big picture to see if the obstacle is even worth considering.

4. Documentation: If I write down what I'm doing, I can not only keep track of what I've done, but it also gives me an opportunity to revisit what I've done and think about it for a minute. In the rush to get things done, the tasks I accomplish are often water under the bridge. Documenting them gives me the opportunity to figure out next steps and/or manage my time to make sure the deadline is met. It's truly a game-changer for me. Of course, the only way it works is by sticking to it.

Again, the only thing standing between me and my willpower is me. It wasn't this genius epiphany I came to. I simply said to myself that I am an able person and all I have to do is tell my brain to get out of the way so that I can work. So, where o where is willpower? AH! There it is!

An Open Letter to My Cubicle Neighbor

2011-07-13T09:04:00.000-07:00

Dear Cubicle Neighbor,

I'm going to be very blunt about the purpose of this letter: it is to tell you that I don't like you. I will preface this by saying that I am not an idiot. Of course I remember that last summer you were an intern here and that you actually sat in the cubicle on the other side of me. I remember every time you came in with a jolly "GOOD MORNING!" in your non-descript, Eastern or Central European accent. I remember you asking me what I do and the blank expression that you tried ever-so-hard to conceal when you didn't understand a word of what I was saying. And, most fundamentally, I remember your collection of cheap, CVS colognes, a different one each day which confounded my olfactory sense's ability to "tune out" such acrid funks.

Now, you have returned and I suppose your MO is not to acknowledge people. You still bathe in a different stench each day and still try to hard to impress your peers and manager. Yet, even though I have said "Hello" to you several times and even gave you a "Welcome back" when you first returned, I have never gotten reciprocation. Maybe your group's sense of superiority has so blinded you that you think you don't have to acknowledge anyone else in this office. Maybe you're just trying to prove your mettle and think you need to be no-nonsense. Or maybe in your senior year you just became a dick. I have no idea.

Bottom line is, boychik, one of the keys to success in the real world is not to burn bridges, no matter how meaningless each connection seems to be. They obviously didn't teach you this at Fairfield.

Don Draper Wouldn't Work At FactSet

2011-06-24T04:01:00.001-07:00

As someone who is always late to the party, but gets there eventually, I started watching MadMen from Season 1 with Becky last night, in hopes of getting caught up before the fifth season begins. So far, I would say I'm impressed. What has particularly impressed me, however, is not the show itself, but rather the glaring contrasts between the culture it portrays and the culture in which I find myself.

After we finished our second episode - intrigued, we put on another one after the first - I found myself in the kitchen thinking about what I had just seen. As I washed the dishes and wiped down the counter, I thought to myself, "Don Draper wouldn't be cleaning up the kitchen." Then, I realized I had made dinner tonight; Don Draper wouldn't make dinner, either. In fact, Don Draper also wouldn't do things like hang around in the morning so he could feed his daughter just to have a little time with her that day or take her on weekend mornings so his wife could tackle the Sisyphean task of catching up on sleep. These thoughts kept running through my head.

Where they really took off, however, is when I started comparing the dynamics of Sterling-Cooper versus FactSet Research Systems, Inc. Men and women wore suits at Sterling-Cooper; jeans and sometimes even message t-shirts, if not business casual, are the norm at FactSet. Mad Men went out for four-martini lunches; we get $8 worth of food from our cafeteria, where I can assure you there are no libations.

What I find most interesting, entertaining, and at times even uncomfortable is the way women fit into the corporate dynamic in the late 1950's. I guess what I find so alien is the concept of "girls" versus "women". For example, "girls" worked at Sterling-Cooper; "women" work at FactSet. "Girls" are posessions; "women" are assets. "Girls" work for you; "women" work with you. To be a "girl" at Sterling-Cooper was synonymous with being a machine, albeit one that you expected to ooze sex appeal and always have a bottle of rye handy. To be a "woman" at FactSet is to just be another valued employee. Women have ownership of products and content sets; women are engineers; women are executives. Our general counsel is a woman. Several of my peers are direct reports to women. Don Draper would think he had died and gone to hell had Sterling been a woman. Perhaps the most impressive line, I think, came when Joan Holloway was breaking in Peggy on her first day. Upon uncovering Peggy's typewriter, Joan says to her: "Don't be overwhelmed by the technology. The man who invented this made it simple enough for a woman to use," to which Peggy replied "I hope so!" In thinking about this a little more, I don't know if Peggy's response was sarcastic, as I get the sense that she is a pretty strong person. When I heard that, however, I was astounded by the implied and accepted inferiority that both of them have; it's a sense that I gather is totally alien to most modern American women.

The second elephant in the room for me was the fact that everyone in this 1950's universe works for the white men. This is not just women, but minorities as well. Not only that, just "traditional" American minorities. Jews still operated in their shadow-universe, as was implied by their foray into having their first Jewish (and, gasp!) female client. Blacks were not to be heard or seen, unless they were bringing you a drink or attending a restroom. And good luck finding an East or South Asian even as an extra. Meanwhile, the corporate world of 2011 is truly a kaleidoscope, not to sound too cliched. In any given day, I will interact with white, black, Indian, Korean, Chinese, and sometimes Filipino coworkers. Yes, technology has made this a smaller world, but the contrast to this racial hierarchy where everyone knew their place really jumped out at me, as well.

Of course, Madison Avenue of the 1950's might have been more rigid in its ways that some other corporate cultures and, in 2011, some of the social inequities of yesteryear still exist. Just look at Wall Street or hedge funds, in particular. And, as a white man myself, I'm even willing to concede that the world of FactSet might not be as flat as I just made it out to be. But, I can't imagine a world like Sterling-Cooper; I just couldn't be that much of an elitist prick where women just deferred to everything a man said or did. And I'm sure Don Draper couldn't imagine a world where he had to take the ideas of women and brown people seriously and treat them as equals. In fact, I'm sure it would never occur to him.

Looking at the big picture, the fact that in the blip of time that is 50 years so much can change about the way we see and value ourselves and the way in which we see and value others is truly amazing.

The "Coronation" of Ohio State and Other March Musings

2011-03-21T18:33:00.000-07:00

It's March and, for me, that means two things: my birthday, on the 18th, and the NCAA tournament. Call me crazy, but the latter is so much more meaningful for me than the anniversary of my birth. This is because it's probably the greatest sporting contest there is. Yes, you have to be somewhat good in your corner of the world to qualify, but in no other collegiate tournament structure do you have teams from schools you've never heard of going toe-to-toe with giants like Duke, UNC, and Kansas...and many times beating them. It's agonizing and wonderful.

So, some musings thus far. Since the conference championships, I haven't understood the media's infatuation with Ohio State. It's as like they have won the tournament already. Everything they do is celebrated to the Nth degree, yet besides a complete dismantling of my George Mason Patriots yesterday - a team that isn't really that good, in all honesty - they haven't done all that much. Yes, they only lost 2 regular season games, but they play in the Big Ten, a conference whose prowess is mightily inflated by the sports analysts who call its schools their alma maters. I just don't get it. They beat Penn State - a team which fell in the second round to Temple - by 11 points to win the Big Ten championship. I really don't get it. They might beat Kentucky, but I wouldn't be surprised if they fell to them, either.

UNC. Not so good. Yes, they had a good regular season, but barely made it out against Clemson in the ACC tournament and got crushed by Duke the next game. They had a lackluster performance against lil' old Long Island University and barely scraped by Washington. I think they need to make a statement against Marquette, who beat yet another uninspired Syracuse club yesterday.

I love the Richmond schools this tournament, UR and VCU. In one of my brackets - full disclosure, I filled out six this year - I had both teams in the Sweet 16, so I'm pumped to see what happens. I have Kansas winning it all in all of them, but I would flush it all down the toilet to get to see Richmond play VCU to get to the Final Four, which is more of a possibility for VCU, who next plays Florida State. By the way, can someone tell me what the hell the commotion was about against VCU earlier on in the tourney? Apparently, a lot of people didn't think they deserved an at-large bid. To them, I say it wasn't handed to them: they kneecapped USC to get it.

Finally, like so many of you, I hate Butler. Nothing more to say there.

Like I said, this contest is so awesome because it's so equal. No one is guaranteed success. Unless you're Ohio State.

Can Twitter Be A Force For Good?

2011-03-16T06:37:00.000-07:00

For those of you who know me well, put simply - and mildly - I hate Twitter. It's not because I fear change, have a loathing for social media, or don't want information to flow uninhibited (I am blogging, right?), but I have always thought Twitter brought out the worst in our now-TMI culture. I really don't need to have a play-by-play of your child's natural birth, thank you very much.

But, in recent weeks, I have started to feel a change of heart coming on. Whether I hear it on the radio or in a chat with friends over lunch, it seems like Twitter, while giving people the opportunity to broadcast the most inane and intimate details of their frankly boring lives also gives people an opportunity to get news quickly and succinctly. It's like streamlined news. As a process improvement person, how could I not get on this?

So, I ask you, can Twitter truly be a force for good? Is there a way to leverage its speed and efficiency without falling into the "dark side" of mindless dribble? If so, I feel a volte-face coming on. I'd love some opinions; you can leave your comments here, my Facebook page, or email me if you're so inclined. Thanks!

C'mon Now, What Did Holland Ever Do To You?

2010-07-11T09:20:00.000-07:00

Maybe I'm tuned in to it more because I am an avid Oranje fan, but ever since the Netherlands and Spain beat their respective opponents to ascend to today's World Cup Final match, I have noticed a subtle, yet visible, anti-Netherlands strain going around the web. Again, acknowledging that fans tend to be more cognizant of their teams being picked on, I don't understand why exclaiming "VIVA ESPANA!" so easily leads to the next statement: "Spain deserves to win" and or "Holland doesn't deserve to win".

To either of these statements, I ask "Why?". From what I can gather, there are two answers from the various quarters I have surveyed. First, Holland has been to the final twice and hasn't been able to deliver, therefore they don't deserve to win. In my humble opinion, this is baloney. What this says is if you are the loser you do not get a chance to redeem yourself. Is this ancient Rome where throngs of blood-thirsty spectators call for the execution of the unfortunate losers (as cool as that would be)? Honestly, this is so irrational that I don't know how to comment on it. The cornerstone of competitive sports is there are winners and losers. The heartbreak of losing is almost as important as the glory of winning. And when a team that is down in the dumps for so long - a la Boston Red Sox or Washington Redskins - finally makes it back to the Big Show, rather than cheer them on as the Comeback Kids, we're supposed to turn our noses up at them because they've squandered their chances for greatness? I've never heard of such a thing.

Second, Holland deserves to lose because they've been lucky. This is garbage. The Dutch side is the only team to win every single game in this tournament (so far). They have done it by playing proficiently and with passion. They have talent and chemistry, the latter of which frontrunners Brazil and Argentina sorely lacked. I will concede the victory over Brazil was lent mostly to a Brazilian meltdown via Felipe Melo's own goal and subsequent temper tantrum. But, can't we concede Spain, for example, owes their win over Germany to NOT playing the German side which dismantled Argentina 4-0? This is an elimination tournament. EVERY win is owed somewhat to luck.

As Americans, we have quite a bit in common with the Dutch and have also benefitted immensely from their contributions to our country. Three out of five boroughs of New York, for example, have Dutch names. New York can also thank its pre-eminence in world finance to the Dutch tradition of commerce. And the Dutch came to our aid during the American Revolution.

These aren't reasons to root for Holland, but neither are the above reasons to root against them. The bottom line is both of these two teams deserve to win, as they have made it to the grandest stage in the world. They both play the game brilliantly and, at 95 minutes, this has been the best game in the tournament. I'm just happy to see my team in the final for the first time in my life.

Go easy on the Dutch and call a spade and spade: you're rooting for Spain because you like their sexy headbands.

The Jumparoo Incident

2010-05-16T19:58:00.000-07:00

Awhile back, I read this absolutely heart-wrenching article about what happens when a parent forgets a child in the backseat of the car. To anyone with any level of human compassion, this article would strike a nerve. To a parent, this article is your worst nightmare in text, but it also serves as a valuable reality check. We're all subject to slips of the mind and, as this article points out, your memory doesn't prioritize forgetting your child versus forgetting to pick up the dry cleaning. With all of our responsibilities, we are tired and distracted and, well, sometimes we're gonna screw up.

That said, I had two thoughts when I finished this article, in the following order: first, it would never be me and second, oh crap, it could TOTALLY be me. So, I took this as an opportunity to remind myself once again that having an infant daughter means you have to be checked in at all times when she's in your care. The days of wandering around the house on a Saturday afternoon and plopping down wherever are long gone. Unless she's snug in an Exersaucer or Jumparoo and you're only stepping away for a minute, you are with this kid engaging her.

But, sometimes you get so tired. Like this morning. You hear the cries at 5:10 AM. "Oh God," you say to yourself, as you stumble to her room. You light up when you see her smiling, kicking, and lifting her arms to be picked up. But, you're so freaking tired.

So, you pick her up, change her, see if she wants to go back down, but she doesn't. So, you feed her. And lately, just on weekends, you have discovered that if she gets up extra early, like today, after you feed her, you can put her in the Jumparoo, lie back down, and get, like, 20 extra minutes. She'll start to cry because, well, she's overtired and you'll put her back down and get another 45 minutes to an hour after that.

It's all going according to plan...yes...zzzzzzzzzz... An hour later, you wake up. Nothing. No jumping, no music from the Jumparoo, not even any crying. The sun is up high now. You look at the Jumparoo. She's in there. Motionless. Head to cocked to the side. "Oh God!" you exclaim. "Grace!".

"Is she OK?" Rebecca asks. We whisk her up, the stupid thing making a monkey sound as you pull her out. She whimpers a little bit and nestles into the crook of your arm. Of course she was OK. She was tired because she got up an hour early and passed out in her Jumparoo. But, all I could think of were those parents who realized they never dropped their kids off at daycare or the sitter. I was so angry with myself and felt like I let Grace down.

After we put her down in her crib (she slept for another hour after that), we put it in perspective and had a little chuckle. This isn't the first time we're going to make a mistake. The bottom line is we're doing the best we can and, in my opinion, doing a damn good job. Rebecca is an amazingly patient, compassionate, empathetic mother and I'm not the worst father. This little episode didn't bother her in the slightest. I've been told things like this are going to be immensely harder for the parent than for the child. Next time, though, I'll just wait to get back in bed until Grace is back down in her crib.

Letting Go, Episode 1

2010-02-14T08:07:00.000-08:00

On the second night, we were still whispering. I tiptoed across the room and whispered a question to Becky. Also in a whisper, she began to respond and then, her train of thought interrupted, asked me in a normal conversational volume, "Why are we whispering?"

"I don't know," I answered, at the same volume level. I looked at the empty bassinet, and then at the screen on the video monitor, which showed a black-and-white Grace sleeping happily in her crib down the hall. I looked back at the bassinet, still propped up to alleviate Grace's reflux, which was now more askew than usual, tucked further back in the corner with the lamp awkwardly shining its full payload down on it, illuminating every bit of the inner bedding.

After 11-plus weeks, we had our room back. We could converse. We could have both lights on. We could put the white-noise on at our leisure. Heck, we could even watch TV. I'm supposed to be relieved, right? So, why is my mind congested with the thoughts of summer camp, cars at 16, and even college? Why, alongside the joy in seeing my little girl grow up before my eyes, do I have this gnawing little pain in my heart?

Parents always tell children that "the hardest part of being a parent is letting go." This usually follows some epic battle between parents and child, the parents stubborn and reluctant to let the child do something he REALLY wants to do because they feel it's "too grown up." Certainly, I don't regard Grace's graduation from bassinet to crib as "too grown up," but I was more reluctant than I ever thought I would be to let it happen, despite 11 weeks of lamenting the inability to watch TV in my own bed. When I saw that little face on the video monitor, however, and not in the bassinet in full color, my heart sank a little bit. "Oh my God," I said. "This is what I've always heard about, but never understood; this is the pain that accompanies letting go."

Children grow up; I've learned to accept this inevitability. I was, after all, a child myself once and, despite my undying belief as a child that I would never grow up, I have (sometimes, I think, unfortunately). But, it never occurred to me how difficult it would be to accept, nee let, my children grow up.

I don't want to appear as if I am bemoaning my daughter's milestones. I am going to celebrate and look back with a bursting heart on that first word, those first steps, school plays, dance recitals and all the rest. The delight all of these occasions is going to bring me is impossible to deny. Equally impossible to ignore, however, will be the little heartaches each of these occasions are going bring. Because with each step she takes forward, this little blank slate gets something else written on it.

I know that she will always be my baby, but she won't be a baby for long. I guess the heartaches we get from watching them grow up are destiny's way of reminding us who they start off as and not to let them stray too far from our hearts. I know in a matter of days seeing her in her crib will not seem strange and the bassinet will probably be put in storage. But the intervening time will better acquaint me to yet another heartache that accompanies parenthood.

Letter to Senator Lieberman

2010-01-15T09:57:00.000-08:00

Just in case you haven't heard, our Dear Leader wants to keep his soak-the-rich surtax on "Cadillac" plans, but his buddies in organized labor are getting a free pass. Inexcusable. So, I had to write Joe.

Dear Senator,

I am reaching out to you today due to my ever-growing trepidation concerning the health care bill. While I have had concerns from the get-go, I had always said that I was going to reserve judgment until I saw what impacts, positive or negative, this legislation was going to have on my family. One facet that has always concerned me, however, was the proposed surtax on "Cadillac plans".

I am not at all against paying taxes. I consider paying taxes a civic duty and an investment in our infrastructure. In fact, I feel that the only way for there to be sustainable health care reform is for everyone to pay their fair share for it. If that were only the case, however.

Today, I read in several news sources that the President now wants to keep the surtax on "Cadillac plans", but union members (who presented the biggest hurdle to this) will be exempted. I find this bargain with organized labor to be very troubling and short-sighted. To be clear, I have one of these "Cadillac plans" and I'm not some corporate big-wig with a mansion in Greenwich. I make $X a year and my wife is a stay-at-home mother. Why should we be punished because my company is generous enough to provide us with a decent health plan?

I understand the populist posturing the President has to do to curry favor with his constituencies and I even understand your Capitol Hill colleagues' motivations, as out of step as they are with mainstream America. But, they are not just soaking the rich; they are punishing middle class Americans like my family, my friends, and my coworkers. They are only either going to cause our employers to cut back on the quality of plans they are willing to provide or they are going to stick us with an extra tax we can ill-afford. I implore you to do everything in your power to make sure this provision never comes to fruition.

Thank you very much for your time and your service.

Sincerely,
Matt LePage
Stamford, CT

An Open Letter to Fake Florida Fans

2009-12-28T16:03:00.000-08:00

Dear Fake Florida Fans (FFF's),

Let me preface my letter to you by extending my most heartfelt condolences for your loss of Urban Meyer as head coach. While he has not actually passed away - despite your mourning him as if he has - you have lost a coach who is highly skilled in the intricacies of the deeply flawed BCS system. Urban really knows how to play the computer, running up the scores on hapless nobodies whose athletic directors send their teams to certain doom in the vain hope of boosting their unknown universities' reputations for a split second while America watched them get picked apart in The Swamp. As such, Urban had his pick of the best players in the country and, in so doing, has turned the SEC Championship into Florida's coronation each year.

But, now that he's gone and Florida's descent back into the reality of having to again compete for - gasp! - the SEC East is imminent, my question for you is what are you going to do? Actually, the more apt question for you is to whom are you going to hitch your wagon now? Because, after all, the only reason you were drawn to Florida in the first place was their brutal dominance of college football. You don't have a connection to the school, but you have invested in enough gear since their national championship in 2006 to make anyone think you and generations before you have gone there. Now that they are merely going to be another contender, who is going to get your loyalty now? Your Florida shwag will get thrown in the back of the closet like many a Florida State, Miami, and USC doo-dad before it.

You might think I'm being too harsh or that I'm just relishing in your struggle because I am a Tennessee fan. And I am a little. But, not totally because I am loyal to a team that has been at the receiving end of your pummeling for the last few years. It is because I am loyal to a team, period. A true fan sticks with their team no matter what. Ask any Notre Dame, Penn State, or New York Jets fan. Your lack of loyalty is an insult to any true Florida fan.

Furthermore, your forthcoming abandonment of Florida is even worse because of the ridiculous sense of moral superiority you have been carrying around with you in your swagger. Your adulation of Tim Tebow is absurd. You heap upon him messianic praise because he won the Heisman trophy as a sophomore and does "God's work". You sit around, smelling each other's farts, gloating to anyone you think is listening that he makes Peyton Manning look like he has achieved nothing. Maybe so, but Peyton Manning has never blubbered like an overstimulated third-grade girl on a sugar crash. At least, not in front of a national audience.

So, Godspeed, my fake fan friends. I would like to see the looks on your faces when, demoralized, you come to Knoxville next year for your overdue comeuppance. But, by then, you will probably be totally invested in another team. It just goes to show life is really easy when you lack a long-term memory - or a sense of loyalty - and ride the coattails of greatness, regardless of who is great.

Lessons Learned, Volume 1

2009-12-20T07:33:00.001-08:00

So, I thought it would be beneficial to start jotting down lessons I have learned early in this parenthood game. Maybe it will help somebody out down the road. By somebody, I mean me, as my memory vaporizes a little more each day. Here goes:

1. Night time is a scary time. It's seriously like "I Am Legend". Your sweet child by day becomes and inconsolable she-devil by night. I have taken to calling my daughter, Gracie, "Horace" at night. This is partly because instead of crying she mostly grunts. And they are distinctive grunts. One in particular starts with a "N". It's really quite fascinating.

2. Diaper duty is sometimes an ambush. The second time I changed Gracie's diaper, she projectile pooped all over the changing table. My wife suggested that I have a diaper covering her whenever I'm not wiping or applying ointment. Fine. So, nine or ten more diaper changes occur without a hitch. So, of course, on that tenth or eleventh I don't have a diaper under her and she starts peeing like a mall fountain. This has happened several times. And every time, I start yelling "Oh God, she's pooping/peeing! Oh God, it's all over her onesie!" My wife, God bless her, tells me it's not a big deal and we quickly resolve the issue. Of course, the other night Gracie grunted and ambushed her with a flying poop. I'm beginning to think the hospital sent me home with an Improvised Explosive Device.

3. Learn quickly how your little one goes to sleep. Gracie has two ways, one laying on your chest, bunched up like a koala bear, and the other cradled in your left arm. But, both usually involve the application of a pacifier and definitely require 10 minutes of uninterrupted closed eyes. That is the most difficult part, especially when she's fighting sleep, she moves and loses her pacifier, or the dog barks. When confronted with these occurrences, I have tried to put her down before 10 minutes from when her eyes were last open, but deviating by even one minute will require you to start all over again. It's like Chutes and Ladders. Or defusing a bomb.

4. That for all the lack of sleep, screaming in your face, and spitting up on your clothes, it's all forgotten due to the one minute she will spend staring at me, fascinated. Whether wedged between my knees, on her changing table, or looking up at me before she falls asleep, it is the best feeling in the world exchanging unconditional love with your child.

I think Lesson 4 is the most pertinent. At some point soon, she's going to start laughing, scooting, and making noises that are the precursors to speech. The fascinating stares she gives us now are possibly more rewarding than all of these benchmarks. Because in this ocean of insanity, the brief moments of unconditional love are our lifeboats. Everyone keeps saying it's only going to get better, but I'd have to say that, for now, it's already pretty damn good.

Why I Like Joe Libermann

2009-12-19T17:53:00.000-08:00

I haven't been paying much attention to this telenovela called "Health Care Reform" (I've been otherwise occupied, you know), but I have noticed a large amount of venom and vitriol being hurled at one man: Senator Joseph Liebermann (I-CT). Despite my mind being elsewhere these days, I have to say I'm pretty surprised by this and a tad dismayed.

I think, as a Senator, Joe is a rather pragmatic legislator; a principle-driven Centrist. I can dig that. Ultimately, I think this is why the liberal shock-troops and "Caviar Commies" have made him Public Enemy Numero Uno in their salons. Now that they have a sympathetic darling in the White House and control at the other end of Pennsylvania Avenue, this is their time to shine and health care reform has become their raison d'être. And now Joe and his Centrism is going to spoil it for them.

From what I understand, Joe's skepticism about the health care reform is derived from the fact that he's afraid there are no viable ways to pay for it. Personally, I have similar concerns, as I can't figure out how a liberal Christmas-come-early that is the health care bill is not going to add to our budget woes when the only ways the bill's authors are willing to suggest it will be paid for is soaking the rich and future Medicare entitlement cuts. The former is populist and unsustainable and the latter is like an alcoholic opening a bottle of Jack Daniels and saying he will save half of it for later.

So now the left has its sights set on Joe as he's going to be the one person to check their unchecked power. Several explanations for his misbehavior have been posited. The most prevalent is that this is his sweet revenge for their being turncoats in 2006. I think there is something to this, but it's not revenge. Rather, being dumped by the party liberated Joe to be able to think for himself and not constantly espouse the textbook liberal agenda. I guarantee that if he were still a Democratic Senator, he would be arm-twisting for the passage of this bill. At least, he would be more susceptible to having his arm twisted. But, as an Independent no longer locked in the the Democratic talking points, he can be outspoken with his criticism, whether or not it happens to be correct.

Another argument for his lack of support of the health-care bill is because he's getting paid hand over fist by the insurance companies. This is preposterous, as health insurers are not even in the top five of his contributors from 2005-2010. As expected in a state like Connecticut where half the state is a bedroom community for New York City, his largest contributing industry is the securities and investment industry. But, even if he was receiving money from health insurers to vote down reform, he's not doing anything Senators don't already do - ad nauseam. Where is the venom from these same liberals when Chuck Schumer is hammering out sweet deals for Wall Street or Tom Harkin is voting for pie-in-the-sky farm subsidies? These guys are all getting bundles of cash for their support (or lack of support) for certain things. I agree that it sucks. I think it's sanctioned bribery. But it's the system. Don't hate the player, hate the game.

I don't like everything about Joe. I question his judgement in unequivocally supporting Israel and the war in Iraq. But, in my opinion, we need more legislators like him. Being an independent in a state like Connecticut is perfect: it gives him the ability to work for both the white collar and blue collar constituencies that define this state. I think he's done a hell of a job for this state since 1988 and, given the chance, I will gladly support him in the future. But, I'm a sucker for a Centrist.

The Unbridled Joy and Irrational Lunacy of Early Fatherhood

2009-12-03T08:33:00.000-08:00

GRACIE GIRL

First and foremost, I am delighted to announce that our daughter, Grace Ivy, was born Thanksgiving Day, November 26, 2009! We are beyond ecstatic and completely smitten, as my wife so eloquently put it. It gives you a whole new answer for the age-old "What are you most thankful for?" question.

At the risk of being a cliche, this child has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. While the joy that I had at her arrival was the most profound I had ever experienced, that same joy keeps growing more each day. I don't know how I have the capacity to have such intense emotion; but I do. In addition, a new love for my wife has developed, for which I was not prepared. I am so immensely proud of her. I have never seen anything as beautiful as her being a mother. This child really has brought us closer and I can't wait to go on with this adventure with her.

ACTIVE VOLCANOES

As I mentioned above, before you are a parent, you have no idea that you are capable of having such potent emotions. I find now that I am an "emotional volcano" in a very active state. While the vast majority of these emotions are positive (joy, love, excitement), there are a very few which temper these, namely fear and the feeling of being overwhelmed.

As you can imagine, you're also very tired, so you end up feeling like you're on a roller coaster all the time. You also do very stupid, and sometimes crazy, things. For example, yesterday at breakfast, I picked up the dog and started burping him. My wife laughed heartily and then cried. The thing is, her response totally made sense to me.

But, yesterday, Mount St. Matt LePage had a tremendous, earth-shattering eruption, the dust-cloud of which I think has made its way to Lake Michigan. This was the kind of outburst you had no idea was in you; it exhilarates you, then promptly frightens you. It's not hard to imagine that such an eruption occurred at a Walmart in the midst of holiday hell.

My daughter, God bless her, doesn't like cold tushie wipes. She has already learned that when the diaper comes off to start screaming like an inmate in an Egyptian prison. So, to indulge her, I purchased a diaper-wipes-warmer from Walmart, not knowing, however, that the unit I procured was missing a vital part. Also unknowingly, my wife shredded the receipt, but I figured since we were not returning the unit, but merely replacing it for one that is complete, Walmart might oblige me. Below is my conversation with a Walmart Returns Troglodyte (WRT):

WRT: (surly) NEXT!

MSL: Hi. I, uh, bought this wipes warmer yesterday and it doesn't have a piece, so I, uh, was wondering...

WRT: Do you have a receipt?

MSL: See, that's the thing. We actually...

WRT: Well, you can't return it without a receipt.

MSL: Oh, no. I'm sorry. I don't want to return it. I only want to exchange it for one that has all the pieces. See, the one I bought doesn't have all the...

WRT: I can't do that.

MSL: I understand that this is an odd request considering I don't have a receipt, but...

(WRT begins to take the unit away)

MSL: Excuse me, uh, what are you doing?

WRT: You don't have a receipt! You probably just [sic] trying to steal this and come up with this story so you can get it for free.

MSL: Are you (expletive) kidding me?

(opening box)

MSL: Look! (throwing parts everywhere)

WRT: You can't..

MSL: Look at this! It doesn't have all the pieces! (continuing to throw parts everywhere)

WRT: Sir, I don't care. You can't...

MSL: (repacking box) You think I made this up? You're right! This is exactly what I do. I go to Walmarts and take wipes warmers! I think up these elaborate scams to pull fast ones over on people like you...

WRT: WHAT DO YOU MEAN "PEOPLE LIKE ME"?

MSL: RETURNS PEOPLE! I have a wipes warmers Ponzi scheme! I AM THE BERNIE (expletive) MADOFF OF WIPES WARMERS! Now, gimme this! (snatch)

And scene. I thought that I was going to get bum-rushed by security. Or that someone had called the cops. But, I just kept walking. I didn't look back. I started to laugh. At first a chuckle and then something boisterous. And then I cried. And then I went to Stop 'n Shop. It turns out there wasn't an APB on my car for taking the wipes warmer I had bought the day before. Just a lot of confused people at Walmart, a mad black woman in returns, and a semi-insane man whose wife had just had a baby.

When I composed myself, I called my wife and told her not only was our operation a miserable failure, but that I also had started a mini-war at Walmart. She laughed like I had never heard her laugh before. At that moment, I knew everything was going to be fine.

I suppose I should get used to this. I imagine that for the rest of my life, my children are going to always have this effect on me. I assume it's completely normal to feel pride, love, anger, and joy all within 10 second window. There are going to be lots of skinned knees, broken windows, and broken hearts. I'll regard the Walmart affair of 2009 as boot camp.

They Were Both in the Same Room; Where was the Meteor?

2009-11-18T12:16:00.000-08:00

At the risk of violating our social lèse-majesté laws, I will just put this out there: I despise Oprah Winfrey. I think she is a narcissistic and shameless self-promoter who would wrap her own children in raw meat and feed them to a bear if she thought it would garner media attention. If one stops and thinks about, she has added very little value to the world and the areas where she has have been surrounded the pomp and circumstance of a Roman Emperor.

I haven’t always had such a loathing of Ms. Winfrey, however. It’s just her fairly recent validation of three repugnant characters: Jenny McCarthy, Suzanne Somers, and, just this week, Sarah Palin.Giving appearances to the first two is just irresponsible. Ms. McCarthy, whose claim to fame is spreading her legs for Hugh Hefner’s cameras, is a recent anti-vaccine crusader who blames her son’s autism on the Measles-Mumps-Rubella (MMR) vaccine. It is important to note that the assertion of a connection between the MMR vaccine and autism has been debunked several times over by reputable studies and that Ms. McCarthy’s son’s brain damage is more likely due to her prolonged inaction when he was experiencing febrile seizures. A fever can follow the receipt of this vaccine, as any pediatrician will tell you, but proper management of a fever probably could have avoided Ms. McCarthy’s son’s seizures and subsequent condition.

Being that it is much more convenient for Ms. McCarthy to blame someone else for her son’s condition rather than herself, Ms. McCarthy has embarked on her crusade and opportunistic figures like Ms. Winfrey have wasted no time in providing her an outlet. Ms. Winfrey has further insulted rationality by appeasing Ms. McCarthy’s absurd and intellectually lazy demand that no doctor (or anyone who would question her ridiculous assertions) appear with her when she pontificates. What a way to debate!

Ms. Winfrey’s confirmation of Suzanne Somers is just as short-sighted and dangerous. Ms. Somers’ latest offering to the masses is the idea that a positive attitude will cure breast cancer and that chemotherapy actually makes cancer worse. Nobody has to tell me how excruciating chemotherapy is and that in some cases its effects are, momentarily, worse than the cancer itself. But, to assert chemotherapy is nothing but a negative and that your attitude and diet (Suzanne Somers sells a suite of snake oil masqueraded as diet food) will be what cures your cancerous ails is stupid, if not disingenuous. Ms. Winfrey knows better and knows that perhaps thousands of women will follow this lemming off the cliff in denying themselves potentially life-saving treatment because they “saw on Oprah that it’s bad.”

The straw that broke the camel’s back for me was Monday’s appearance of Sarah Palin. Unlike the aforementioned who offer something (albeit something stupid), Mrs. Palin offers absolutely nothing. Oh wait, that’s not right, she offers a book which highlights the ultra-moral life she has chosen to live alongside blithering, yet stinging, insults of everyone who has given her anything short of glowing praise. This might be the best testament of Ms. Winfrey’s opportunism, as she is validating the self-proclaimed nemesis of all things Barack Obama, whom she supposes she anointed with her golden endorsement.

It’s hardly a surprise that an egoist and self-seeker like Oprah Winfrey would be able to resist someone like Sarah Palin. Every time she crawls out from under her rock to mouth-fart, she creates a media firestorm. Each new publicity stunt demonstrates that she is afraid of becoming irrelevant which, deep down, Ms. Winfrey fears, as well. While (God willing) it is possible that Sarah Palin may soon fade away permanently to obscurity, I doubt seriously this phobia will come true for Ms. Winfrey. It is a shame.

All Quiet on the Baby Front

2009-11-16T07:20:00.001-08:00

As someone with a significant interest in military history, I have been wondering a lot lately about how it feels to be on the cusp of battle. As my wife is now full-term in the pregnancy of our daughter, I liken my current position to that of a general who is preparing for an epic battle. My opponent has mobilized his resources. I can only rely on patchy scouts' reports, but it appears as though he has positioned his heavy guns (head is down) and his troops are strategically amassed along the front (50% effaced). Once engaged, it's gonna be one helluva a firestorm.

Despite the relative calm and quality time I am spending with my co-commander, my adrenaline has been charged for about a week and remains so. Every call I get from my wife doesn't make it through the first ring and the one time I missed a call last week, in frantically dialing the "9-1-917" to call out to her cell phone, I accidentally called 911. Oops.

But, while his adrenaline is also at an all-time high, a good general, a seasoned general, remains the epitome of calm. He cannot let his troops see that his nerves are as shaky as theirs. As my wife is about to push a watermelon through a...you get the point...I must be the rock. When she looks me in the eye, I need to be able to tell her she will be alright and she needs to believe me. My calm and confidence will inspire her. A good general does the same for his troops.

More fundamentally, a good general has been spoiling for this fight. Every single moment of his life has contributed to this moment. Now-tangible fatherhood is no different. Despite never having seen her (with the exception of grainy ultrasound images) the love I have for this child is the most profound love I have ever had for anything. Gut-wrenching love. Love to which I am doing a disservice by trying to explain it. I owe it to this kid, my wife, and myself to be the best I can be. This is my time to shine.

This is my epic battle. I can't wait to hear the burst of the first cannons.

Everybody Gets A Trophy

2009-11-13T06:00:00.000-08:00

One very large component of the legacy Baby Boomers are leaving is a phobia of accountability and a facility with "passing the buck". As the child of Boomer parents, I have frequently passed the buck throughout my life, with varying degrees of success. Now that I am about to become a father, however, I have noticed that this trait which we all exhibit from time to time has become a central tenet of our parenting philosophy. What's worse is that it has combined with our parental instincts to protect our children and has subsequently blinded us to our children's fallibility.

It has become a societal norm to blame our kids' mistakes and failures on someone else. When my neighbors' child was kicked out of day care, it was the day care center that was dysfunctional. Not that the only time their child engaged the other children was when she was biting them.

But, it doesn’t stop with looking for someone else to blame for your child’s poor behavior. We want to raise our children in a vacuum of positive affirmation. Doing this, however, sets them up for a world of disappointment - but only when they become adults.

Because by the time they are old enough to do anything competitive, they will be shielded from losing. The contest doesn't matter; everyone gets a trophy at the end of the season. When I was a kid, my lack of athletic ability put me on the Bad News Bears every season. As such, I never got a trophy. Not one. Today, however, it apparently isn't good for kids to lose. Neither is telling some kids they are gifted and some kids they are remedial. This social egalitarianism is going to come back and bite us when our kids grow up.

By shielding our children from criticism, accountability, and (dare I say it) failure, we are stymieing their competitive instincts and doing them a tremendous disservice. Because when you make it to the real world, only the very best get the job, promotion, or account. There is no trophy for coming in second (or third, fourth, fifth, or sixth). We are teaching our children that they are entitled to success even when they don't succeed. It is contrary to this country’s foundation and will only further dilute our global prowess.

Where is JFK?

2009-07-15T05:48:00.000-07:00

"We do these things not because they are easy, but because they are hard."

Thus are President John Fitzgerald Kennedy's immortal words in reference to the notion that in 1961 we, the United States, would put a man on the moon within the decade. At the time, it seemed foolish. Eight years later in 1969, the American people watched the moon landing.

But, the above statement references more than just a desire to put people on the moon. It is a brilliant reflection of American-ness: resolve with humility; manifest destiny; a simultaneous cognizance of the rewards of success and risks of failure. For 200 years, this singular mindset drove this country to be the best in the world.

This mindset, however, has fallen on deaf Baby Boomer and subsequent generations' ears. We now choose to do only the easy things and ignore the hard ones. For the past 30 years, the driving mindset has become "Do whatever you want - someone else will pay for it."

Last year when the economy started to crumble, I thought it might have been an impetus for sea change. We had a Democratic presidential candidate telling us change needed to start with us; he was subsequently elected. Maybe people started to understand that they needed to make sacrifices; banks maybe learned that they should actually hold on to some of the money people trustingly deposit with them; Congress might actually be filled with people who are proactive.

What a disappointment all of it has been. The President now tells us that we can have a totally reformed and more "proportionate" health-care system that we don't have to pay for - unless you make $350,000 a year; then you're paying more for it. On NPR this morning, I heard the results of a poll that Americans overwhelmingly want a better health-care system and overwhelmingly don't want to pay for it. Great.

The President also tells us that if we had too many credit cards and bought things we could never have bought with cash or obtained a mortgage we could never pay on, we will be relieved of our burdens. No, that's not going to encourage people to make the same mistakes they made which got them into this mess.

And California, the Golden State, symbol of 20th Century American prosperity, is ready to jump feet first into the abyss. Despite the threat (and now reality) of having to pay bills with IOUs, the people overwhelmingly rejected tax increases that would have kept the economy there on life support. In the words of The Economist this week: "California thus seems to be doing its level best to come to ruin and, as the nation's largest economy, to drag the country's hopes for a recovery down with it."

As a country, we have decided we like reward so much better than risk that we have cut risk completely out of the equation. And sacrifice, to boot. Banks can behave as recklessly as they would like; someone will bail them out (pun intended) when things get dicey. Sure, GM can go into bankruptcy - but the rest of the country has to shoulder the over-generous burdens they promised their unions. And someone (the other 49 states, probably) will buy California's bonds, despite the very credible risk they will default on some, if not all, of them.

Bottom line: if people want reformed health-care, they're going to have make sacrifices - and not just 1% of people. GM needs to go into bankruptcy the proper way, with unions agreeing to cuts in enormously generous benefits their members now receive. Banks that screwed up need to go; the ones left standing can get some money from the government that they have to hold on to (NOT leverage) until they can repay it. And California NEEDS TO RAISE ITS TAXES!

When I voted for Obama, I voted for resolve with humility. I also voted for road repairs, bridge repairs (Minneapolis anyone?), investsments in new energy technology, and infrastructure investments, in general. I'm afraid I might have Buyer's Remorse.

The Italian Job

2009-05-20T06:13:00.001-07:00

Lately, I have taken to listening to NPR on my short drive to work in the morning. Like I have with other news sources, I have conditioned myself to get past its blatant bias (in this case, to tha left, to tha left!) and pick out the news - all while mostly learning something of which I had had no knowledge previously.

Today was no exception, as one of the exposes was on a row between the United Nations' Refugee Agency (UNHCR) and Silvio Berlusconi's borderline-comic Italian government. Fundamentally, it concerned the steps Italy is taking to crack down on illegal migration - something which we Americans, as we grasp to control the spigot of illegal migration coming across our southern border, are wrestling with, as well.

As a peninsula, Italy's coast is very porous in terms its capacity to physically absorb migrants from Africa. Mentally, however, is another story. Italy's current government makes the Bush Administration look like tree-hugging pinkos. It espouses the same, if not more, conservative values as the Bushies and is unabashedly xenophobic. Berlusconi's words about immigration: "The leftist opposition envisions and multi-ethnic, multi-cultural Italy. We do not". This is also a reflection of the Italian population, not only because they voted the current "Forza Italia" government in; but also, because Italians themselves are pretty xenophobic.

Despite its constant chiding of the cold, conservative Anglo-Saxons, most Europeans are much more racist, xenophobic, and anti-Semitic than Britons or Americans. But, relative to their European compatriots, Italians exhibit sometimes shocking xenophobia. The treatment of gypsies in Italy is merely a thread away from apartheid; who can forget the image of two drowned gypsy girls' corpses covered by beach towels as Italian beachgoers went merrily about their days. While I personally find gypsies to be dirty and annoying - the human equivalent of rats - if I saw one drowning, I would jump in and save him or her, or at least call for help. And it doesn't stop with Italians' treatment of gypsies. There have been sporadic pogrom-like episodes directed toward African immigrants, as well.

But, I digress. What are the actual steps being taken these days by the Italian government to address this issue? Are they reverting back to fascism? Hardly. Recently, the Italian navy has been intercepting ships with refugees launched from Libya - a huge staging ground for illegal migration into Europe - and towing those ships back to Libya. Seems pretty reasonable to me; we do the same thing with ships, rafts, and floating doors from Haiti and even sometimes Cuba. However, the UN Refugee Agency - itself an oxymoron - is crying foul, as it complains these refugees' rights and protections are not properly guaranteed when the Italians are boomeranging them back to Libya. Libya is not a party to the UN Refugee convention, it says.

So, who is right? Italy is crying foul, as it feels its judgement to protect its borders is being usurped by a quasi-Communist global talking shop. This is a valid point. Furthermore, how can someone's "rights and protections" be guaranteed when they are illegally coming into a country? It is my opinion that a constitution only awards you rights if you abide by its laws; the modern social contract. It is the same thing as interest groups in the US crying about the rights of illegal immigrants; they don't have any. And on top of all of this is the economic argument; Italy is already a poor performer relative to it's European peers. If scores of no-skilled immigrants join the fray looking for jobs that don't exist, it could make an already poor country even poorer.

On the other side of this, as an American, I love immigration and feel that everyone should have a shot to make a better life for himself. It's what made this country great. I do feel that if these people take the proper avenues to legally come into Italy - or any other EU member state, for that matter - they should eventually be awarded with full citizenship. Italy's, and the EU's, current obstacle course for citizenship is already appallingly absurd. Both of them, despite the current economic environment and their populations' subconcious xenophobia, should make their processes more streamlined and welcoming to immigrants.

Until such time, however, laws should not be broken. Italy needs to do what it needs to do. Thoughts?

A Special Place in Hell

2009-05-14T06:24:00.000-07:00

I thought that when the cluster%$&# that was the Bush Administration came to an end, its major players (save for Karl Rove, who would continue to be a mouthpiece) would fade into obscurity, enjoying the twilight of their careers. Memoirs written here, "Meet the Press" appearances there, but for the most part, they would have gone away.

I especially thought this would apply to Richard Cheney, whose ominous influence hung over the Administration from the beginning and who is largely responsible for driving the country into the ditch we are now in. Cheney had an anti-Midas touch. WMD in Iraq "a certainty"? Discredited. A definite link between al-Qaeda and Saddam? Nope. And my personal favorite: "Deficits don't matter" (sic). Despite these ludicrous assertions, Cheney mostly operated in the shadows; it's like God cast him to be an evil genious.

Totally against character, however, Cheney has recently been out in full force, trying to vindicate in any way he can his legacy that never was. Apparently in an appearance on "Face the Nation" on Sunday, Cheney basically said he hopes the President fails from a national security perspective and even said he thinks Rush Limbaugh is who the model Republican should be. To put this latter bit in context, he said this to snub Colin Powell, a man whose reputation was severely tarnished by steadfastly trying to sell Cheney's WMD argument in the run-up to the Iraq War.

Throughout the 2004 campaign - and even in 2008 - Cheney and Rove consorted to neuter the opposition by subtly suggesting if you voted Democrat, you were making the country less safe. It was cynical in 2004, cynical in 2008, and selfish in 2009. At least in the run-up to the elections in 2004 and 2008, you could make the flimsy assumption that this argument was used simply to get votes; it could be made because the one making it truly believes his national security plan is superior to his opponents'. It's morally dispiccable, but that's par for the course in American electoral politics (Obama's class-baiting in 2008 was no less admirable).

However, by not only saying the country is less safe, but openly wishing your opponent to fail (which, of course, would be at the expense of the people you swore you were protecting from 2001-2009), it's pretty clear all you care about is your own vindication - even if that means harm for innocent people in this country. "So what if the ends do not justify the means? I was right!" I think this really does reserve a special place in Hell for Dick Cheney.

Congress Should Support Military Aid to Pakistan

2009-05-01T06:18:00.000-07:00

So, it seems as though the Obama Administration has decided to wisely call a spade a spade and address the whole "Pakistan thing" with more than just rhetoric. It seems to be a pattern lately that the Administration will think with their head and Congress will think with their...you know where I'm going.

You see, Congressional Democrats are once again losing sight of the forest for the trees. They seem to be falling into the same cookie-cutter, ideological, one-size-fits-all trap that led to the recent demise and subsequent marginalization of the Republicans. This approach is foolish and dangerous, especially when it is executed vis-a-vis a resurgent Taliban operating in a country with apparent impunity. The challenge they present is just one of the new 21st Century gray areas that Congress apparently has trouble adapting to.

So what is it they are doing? Bob Gates (with the enthusiastic blessing of his boss) is pushing Congress to give our military the same capacity to back the military in Pakistan that they have Iraq and Afghanistan. This would probably translate to better kit, better training, more armed personnel, etc. In essence, it would help to untie the one hand both we and the Pakistani military have in executing combat operations against the Taliban in Pakistan.

Seems reasonable enough. But, Democratic members of the House Appropriations and Armed Services committees are questioning "the appropriateness of providing foreign assistance for Pakistan under the jurisdiction of the Department of Defense" and saying that "the responsibility for training Pakistani police and military forces resides with the Department of State." To me, the smacks of liberal, Boomer-esque aversion to military force. The resources and expertise of State are most efficient after DoD has done it's work. Left to the bureaucratic juggernaut that State is, Pakistan's army would be trained to plant flowers with plastic knives and forks, not mop up a guerrilla insurgency.

In my opinion, the challenges we face in the 21st Century call for the coordination of Defense and State. The Bush Administration didn't see this; they operated in the 20th Century vacuum of absolutes, preferring a one-sided military approach to everything. Now, it seems Congress is approaching things in the same vacuum, albeit on the other end of the spectrum.

For the sake of not just Americans, but Pakistanis, Indians, Afghans, you name it, we need to adapt to the challenges laid out before us, not quixotically hope they will adapt to how we would like to handle them. If Congress is not up to the task, we need to vote them out and replace them with people who are.

Good call, Mr. President

2009-04-24T06:13:00.000-07:00

I am impressed by the way Obama has rebuffed the leftist nagging to set up a "Truth" commission to investigate the enhanced interrogation techniques and the people who signed off on/employed them during the Bush Administration. To reject such a farce of a committee is not synonymous with condoning torture and the folks on the left fringe of the Democratic party need to stop making this dubious connection.

For Pelosi and company, this sort of commission is simply a way to rub Bush Administration lackeys' noses in the piss they left on the good name of this country. It's the most juvenile form of retribution; it's something that happens in a banana republic when one dictatorship overthrows another one. It's not something a democracy does, period. In the words of my father, "it's time for the Democrats to take their own advice and 'moveon.org'".

However, I don't think Obama's rejection of the panel completely comes down to clairvoyance; I think he understands that we have very pressing issues to deal with and a circus like Congressional Democrats are proposing is just that, a circus; a sideshow; a distraction. With so many "grey" issues (ie complicated), Congressional Democrats finally had something that was absolute. They cynically think they can sell this to their "dumb" constituents by getting in front of every television camera and spouting off against the transgressions of the evil Bush-Cheney empire. It's merely populist comfort food.

The fact of the matter is, this issue is not as clear-cut as Congressional Democrats think. Forget the conservatives out there who think God and Jesus give Amuricans the right to draw and quarter any Nazi-Commie-Jew-Abortion-loving tur'rist (ie anyone who doesn't like George Bush or Rush Limbaugh). But, many people out there who are ambivalent about politics are also ambivalent about "enhanced interrogation techniques". They rationalize that the people who are being interrogated want to kill as many people as they can so they can be Allah's rock star, so what's wrong with pressing them a little harder, so that maybe some innocent lives will be spared. They also rationalize with facts, like enhanced interrogation sometimes brings out "false" confessions, given in haste by the recipient so the pain will stop. They waver between thoughts like this, never really taking a side.

Obama and Emmanuel recognize this fence-sitting and wisely have not gotten wrapped up in the hysteria of this non-issue. After all, we've all pretty much known about this and pretty much gotten over it. Closing Guantanamo was a great step; making an announcement at the CIA was another and, in my opinion, a sufficient way to close the book on this dark chapter in our national history.

In taking both of these steps, the Administration is trying to take the spotlight off of this issue and direct it somewhere else. Because the bottom line is, we might not be taking as extreme an approach to interrogating suspects, but anyone who thinks we stopped all enhanced techniques is fooling themselves. In trying to let our interrogators fade back into the shadows, Obama is better enabling them to do what it is they are supposed to do and keep us safe. Please, let's moveon.org.

OUTRAGE!

2009-04-23T06:12:00.000-07:00

Sorry it's been so long. You would think with everything going on these past few months, I would have plenty to post about, but between the holidays, my new job, vacation, and other good news (;-)), I just haven't had the time. I have let you down and I am sorry. At least I am apologizing and admitting accountability, which is beyond most people's abilities these days.

Which is a perfect segue for today's post. So, according to yesterday's Washington Post, these same bankers who destroyed the international financial system with their leverage fetishes have been spending millions of the taxpayers' money (read "ours", as in "yours and mine") on lobbying Congress to stymie regulations on executive pay and "tougher financial regulations" (ie regulations which make it difficult for them to screw up the system in the future). The fact that these scumbags are using our money against us has made me reached my boiling point.

Despite my penchant for judgement and rage, I have to say that I have been pretty calm throughout this debacle. When the stock market tanked in late 2008, I said it would rebound; when the Marie-Antoinettes at AIG audaciously defended their ill-gotten bonuses, I thought they were stupid and beyond greedy, but I never joined the mob. But, now that Wall Street - the same Wall Street that screwed us all and never admitted any responsibility - is actively trying to screw us in the future, what else can I say rather than I...am...pissed.

That said, I will calm myself by thinking this through analytically. Unfortunately, my thought process arrives at some pretty somber conclusions. Number one, this is going to make it REALLY difficult for the Obama Administration to sell future bail-outs, as they will most likely have to, once the results of the "stress tests" come back. Furthermore, it severely jeopardizes the credibility of an Administration that was going to "end corporate lobbyists' stranglehold on doing business in Washington."

Which leads to number two, which concerns the already-diminished credibility on the US Congress. Based on a variety of root-causes, Congress is already highly mistrusted among the American people. Add to that stories about legislators like Chris Dodd - chair of the Senate Banking Committee - getting "VIP" treatment from problem-children like Countrywide, and people start connecting the dots: was Congress in on this when the "bon temps" were "rouler-ing"? The answer is unequivocally yes, and that is made all the more clear by the fact that our so-called representatives are now shaking a fist at these Wall Street types with one hand, and continuing to take money from them with the other. Add that to the already lengthy list of Congressional hypocrisy.

I am certain this is only the tip of the iceberg. Lobbyists are never going to go away, as long as Congress continues using them as ATM's.

A Modest Proposal

2008-12-17T13:01:00.000-08:00

The unravelling of the fabric of American society as we know it (known in short-hand as "2008") has reached proportions I had never thought possible. From the global financial collapse to shoes being thrown at Bush, this country and our society is in a tailspin. The response of government officials and/or respective authorities charged with correcting these severe problems is to pretend no one was ever responsible for them and then to throw money at them and hope to God they will go away soon.

Unsurprisingly, this approach doesn't seem to be working. The I-bankers who made the supremely idiotic decisions which led to the financial meltdown are still at the helm of our largest financial institutions, the Big Three automakers are going to get a bridge loan to another bridge loan, and so on. Apparently, it is terribly out of fashion to hold people accountable for their actions. But, without accountability, there are no consequences, and without consequences, there are no lessons to be learned, and without lessons to be learned, well, you get the idea.

When I was a kid, if my brother and I cursed, we got our mouths scrubbed with soapy washcloths. I hit my brother with a switch one time, so my dad hit me with the same switch. If we erred, we were punished. A simple concept which is lost on many a scumbag these days. So, am I suggesting we wash their mouths out with soap? Not exactly. Even going back to the Ken Lays and Dennis Kozlowskis who literally stole from their employees to fund their lavish lifestyles, the offences these people have been perpetrating have been especially heinous and downright malicious. Now, with Bernard Madoff, a new low has been reached and it seems an example has been set: screw everyone else; I can do what I want when I want.

Stay with me, now. We have never been so unfortunate as to have a reign of terror in this country. Even the British, our sophisticated forebears, had the Cromwellian Protectorate. The French had their Robespierre, the Russians Stalin, the Germans...well, we don't need to go there. At first glance, a reign of terror sounds awful and anathema to democracy. But, it also restores order, sets examples, and purges a society of its worst elements.

Therefore, it is my modest proposal that upon taking office, President Obama implements a program to purge American society of its current toxins. To do this, we're going to need a few public executions. The obvious ones are politicians suspected of corruption. Coerce some confessions, stage some quick show trials, and make the subsequent executions a public spectacle on the National Mall. Follow suit with the biggest offenders responsible for financial meltdown and defintely loop in the heads of the Big Three. I would say with 400-500 public executions, people should get the idea and start behaving.

As a society, we have become way too forgiving, as well as fat, stupid, and lazy. As such, we're probably also going to need a few camps to send people when they don't...meet certain criteria. If we can hit the ground running and get these two things going quickly, we should be in pretty good shape. I wish it didn't come to this, but we're really left with no choice. The people need to change their behavior and there's no chance of that with democracy. Do youself a favor, nay, do your COUNTRY a favor and DEMAND that President Obama institutes a reign of terror without delay.

'Tis The Season

2008-12-15T13:16:00.000-08:00

I am of the opinion that there is a yin and yang to the holiday season; for all of the bacchanalia and bonhomie of the season, there are traffic jams, competitions of a carnal nature, and generally uncomfortable obligations (whether they are office holiday parties or fighting the mob to get your kid that new doo-dad for $89.95). Simply put, the holidays often bring both the best and the worst in us.

This past weekend, I donned my armor and weaponry and set forth on a mission to slay my holiday beasts in a one-weekend span. I was armed with a list, a large coffee, and a full tank of gas. Driving out of my development, I felt like one of those soldiers in the landing craft on D-Day, mentally preparing myself for the bloody challenges which lie ahead.

I started off small: Stop & Shop. While I didn't expect a lot of resistance, I did expect to be navigating around people frantically buying turkeys, hams, and other Christmas goodies. But, no, just another Saturday at the Norwalk S+S. No problem.

I decided to up the ante a little bit and head to Target. Wow. Street parking. Didn't expect that. All I needed were gift cards, so to Customer Service I went. No line? Weird. OK, Customer Service says I need to go to a register. Oh boy, this is where I meet my end. Wait a minute. 1, 2, 3, 4 registers have no lines. Where the hell is everybody?

OK, off to Lord and Taylor. There has to be a battle waiting for me there. Hmmmm, lost-looking men? Check. Holiday music barely audible amidst the screaming and shuffling of indulgent Fairfield County housewives? Check. HA! Here was the battle I was anticipating. Before I could start pushing and adding to the chaos, I noticed a lot of black-clad, bored-looking, idle store clerks. The lost-looking men were husbands of the bitchy, bratty houswives trying on boots, jeans, jewelry, and makeup. This wasn't holiday chaos! This was a normal Saturday!

When I walked back to the car (a short walk, mind you, meaning the store wasn't really that busy), I realized two things. One, the economic crisis is for real. Maybe more people are shopping online, maybe I happened to come along on an off weekend, but something was off. The second thing is I was spoiling for conflict, even though I tell myself and others I don't like the drama of the holidays. I guess an essential component of my holiday normalcy is fighting the crowds. Even though the ease in which I got things done should have been a HUGE convenience, it was alien to me. I wonder if any of you have experienced this.

Disappointed, but loaded with schwag in record time, I made my way home. Oh, shoot, I need to go to Walmart for some bulk stuff. As I turned the corner on Danbury Road and saw that every single parking space in the immense Walmart parking lot was taken, I knew I would get my fight yet.

The amount of CRAP people were furiously loading in their shopping carts made me realize we are still an impulse-driven society, just one that has to go down-market this year. On the paper towel aisle, I was almost run over (twice) by people running with shopping carts to beat others to the toy and electronic sections. I saw two people in a tug-of-war, literally, with a flat screen TV, which was marked down quite a bit, and one kid crying while self-consumed adults paid no mind as they rushed past her in order to shower their kids with useless, dangerous, Chinese-made dreck on Christmas Day. I took a deep breath and sighed. Even though I didn't need anything, I decided it would be healthy for me to jump in the fray for a few minutes. "HEY! I had it first!" And a happy new year...

Koyaanisqatsi

2008-12-11T14:15:00.001-08:00

"Koyaanisqatsi" is a Hopi word meaning "life out of balance". It is also the title of an amazing 1982 documentary in which music and images are brilliantly juxtaposed; there is no dialogue or words spoken, save for the film's namesake ominously and repetitously chanted at its beginning and end. I have seen the entire film once in a college film class and fortuitously stumbled upon it last night on an obsure high-numbered cable channel. As it did seven years ago, it very quickly sucked me in, but this time amazed me more.

From a macro level, I think what I like most about "Koyaanisqatsi" is that it is a snap-shot of every facet of American life as it was in 1982. You can see a movie that was filmed that year or watch reruns of shows which ran during that time, but by showcasing such mundane images (such as cars driving on freeways or people scurrying in train stations) the film's director, Godfrey Reggio, allows the viewer to see how America was without its makeup. The length of time he focuses on each image, all while haunting melodies are repeating themselves over and over, gives you the opportunity to make analysis after analysis of what you are seeing. Like good sex, it is exhausting, yet wonderful.

On a micro level, however, Reggio's "snap-shot" shows us the contradictions of America as it was. It reminds me of Mark Twain's stinging observations of the West around the turn of the 20th Century, with "her pocket full of boodle, and her mouth full of pious hypocrisies. Give her soap and a towel, but hide the looking-glass." He begins the film by showcasing this country's natural beauty and then rudely interrupts this montage with footage of strip-mining. Then, a family is shown sunbathing on a beach, but when the camera slowly zooms out and pans up, we see they are literally in the shadow of a nuclear power plant. The entire middle section of the film shows how our industry and innovation has actually made us anonymous pegs in a giant machine (the visual juxtapositions are blatant in presenting this assumption). But, the brilliance of the film is that the imagery is not presented in a biased way: you see for yourself what were the mundane aspects of 1982. There's nothing sugar-coating it, but there is nothing demonizing it, either.

"Koyaanisqatsi" itself is a contradiction; it is hauntingly beautiful. But, watching it last night made me wonder what images we would see if the film were reprised today. Certainly, many of the same contradictions still exist, but we have many different images, situations, and scenarios today, the complexity of which someone from 1982 would not be able to put their head around. But, it shows that, regardless of how much control we have over the things which surround us, life will always be out of balance.

What's Wrong With Bankruptcy?

2008-12-10T12:18:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, a good friend of mine sent me a mock magazine ad (see left), meant to look like it came from a car company, which read: "You Wouldn't Buy Our Shitty Cars. So, We'll Be Taking Your Money Anyway. The Bailout. Coming This January." Initially, it gave me a chuckle, then a stir, and then it led me to ask: Why are we giving these dinosaurs a free pass?

Rather than focus on the implications of an auto industry bailout, I think it's more useful to focus on how Detroit got here. Let's face it: Detroit has been struggling for the better part of 20 years. One reason is globalization, which Detroit has fought tooth and nail. Regional trade agreements, joint ventures, mergers, acquisitions, and all the other facets of global economic integration have made imported cars much more readily available in the US market. Because of that, the number of different imported cars has skyrocketed, so, based on the tenets of supply and demand, the price for Mercedes', Lexus', BMW's, and the like have gone way down to a point where more people can afford them. But, the biggest reason is that Detroit, once the center of automobile innovation, has become an imitator. At the expense of creating "normal" cars (four-door sedans, etc), they foolishly poured all of their capital and creativity into developing gas-guzzling behemoths. I seriously wonder, when this business model was conceived, if anyone in the boardroom asked what would happen if the price of oil ever jumped to, say, $147/bbl?

I understand that the union costs and "$73/hour for the average worker" are a huge part of this, but these are realities that have been baked in for decades. Unfortunately, they are unavoidable and must be dealt with. What I am stuck on is the paper-thin security of this business model. Of course, the Big Three had every right to surf the wave of cheap oil in 90's and build a thriving business based on such cheap oil. A crucial part of business is successfully capitalizing on events which are out of your control. However, to survive, you have to be flexible; have a proverbial "Plan B". What we are now seeing is that Plan B is to ask for the government, and by extension taxpayers, to assume the consequences of your egregious errors.

The cornerstone of modern capitalism is that there will be winners and losers. Unfortunately, thanks to the "Everybody-gets-a-trophy" mentality that has crept into our society, apparently now it is the taxpayers' role to take care of the losers. This is bogus. It used to be when your business model was flawed, you tweaked it and tried again. And if you were big enough, like the size of Ford, GM, or Chrysler, for example, you got to file for bankruptcy, which is basically a business do-over. You would go into a room for a couple of months, make some cuts here, some additions there, get some new management, and, voila, you had a new and improved, lean, mean, business machine. It didn't always work, but sometimes it did.

The bottom line is, however, if you wanted the rewards, you had to assume the risk, as well. But, now, we've decided that it's a better idea to give the Big Three a "Get Out of Jail" card and throw money at the problem, an economic version of tinkling on a forest fire. What's going to happen at the end of the month when the $15 billion is spent up, but payroll can't be made and materials can't be purchased? You can bet that these same CEO's are going to come back to Washington with their tails between their legs asking for one more chance.

Frankly, I don't think they deserve a second chance. Like with every other company who had a crappy business model, the "winds of creative destruction" need to shatter them into a million pieces and, a-la Evil T-1000, they need to re-gel into an entity or entities that are equipped to deal with the realities of the 21st Century global market. I'm not going to claim what this entails, as I am not a Harvard-educated CEO. But, I do know that throwing taxpayer money at the problem is only going to make us all poorer. As such, bankruptcy is the only answer. Jobs will be lost, yes, and benefits will be cut. Some cars we take for granted today might not be on the road tomorrow. But, this is all going to happen anyway. We might as well let it happen in a way we can manage and that will enable us to create something in the inevitable ashes of these unfixable corporations.

Hey, Sarah Palin! Go Away!

2008-11-13T09:55:00.000-08:00

Why won't she just fade away into obscurity, already? Nine days out from a decisive defeat (not a landslide, but decisive nonetheless), Sarah Palin is still campaigning. A lot of people say she's positioning herself for a run at becoming Alaska's US Senator or (shudder) President in 2012. I think, like John Boehner and a lot of other Republicans out there, she is a sore loser and needs to bow out of the limelight with whatever grace and dignity she still has.

It's obvious that the Republican party is on the verge of civil war and in many ways it already is. Say what you want about Palin's impact on the campaign or the financial crisis, John McCain never rallied his troops. With the successful hijacking of the Republican party by reactionary, xenophobic religious extremists, politicians of once seemingly sound minds have had to pay lip service to the hateful and divisive elements of the party. Even Johnny Mac, who once correctly referred to Jerry Fallwell and his minions as "agents of intolerance", publicly kissed and made up with the old bastard prior to locking up the GOP nomination. Fortunately, irreparable brand damage and reality itself have countered the appeal of this wretched ideology.

It was this change in the winds that enabled John McCain to secure the nomination. But, it also was his downfall, as it was impossible to bridge the gap between resurgent, old-school Republicans and the now-defamed, newer breed of intolerant xenophobes. McCain, thus, sought to bridge the gap by choosing as his running mate someone who embodies this born-again, red-meat-spewing paranoia; he chose Sarah Palin.

Early on, she was a great hatchet-woman. She went after Obama, Biden, and the "elitist" media with a vengeance. She brilliantly acted as aggressor, while portraying herself as the victim. And despite my post from 9/4/2008 where I predicted she would be the demise of the GOP ticket, I was scared for awhile that voters would actually buy her elite-bashing fear-mongering, like they did with Karl Rove's manufactured distraction of gay marriage in 2004.

However, her gaffes, her glaring contradictions, and her plain stupidity resonated with people and when the economy was on death's doorstep in late September-early October, people woke up and smelled the coffee: this woman could be a heartbeat away from the presidency. Scary. Despite everything telling her and her handlers that her strategy was not a winning one, she not only kept it up, but she increased it. Her attacks on the Democrats and the media crossed the line to where they were just mean-spirited, to the point where at one point she even implied that people who live in less conservative places and vote for Democrats are not real Americans. I don't know how things work up in your frozen, barren, wasteland of a state, Sarah, but you don't win people over by insulting them.

But, a lot of McCain's campaign and his adherents subscribed to this mean-spirited garbage. Throughout the general election campaign, McCain events had a bitter edge to them and his disciples really had chips on their shoulder. Some of his events resembled lynch mobs with one or two yahoo's screaming out that they should "hang the terrorist!". This whole mentality, strategy, and atmosphere was exacerbated by the new Queen of Mean, Sarah Palin.

And she just won't shut up...or give up. She's on Today, Extra!, local news, everywhere still spewing her venom. She's keeping on with this negative campaigning and there is no campaign! The only thing I can surmise she is doing is publicly gunning to be the new standard-bearer of intolerant wing of the party. But, in so doing, she is further alienating the Republicans from main-stream America and tarnishing the Republican brand name. Unfortunately, she plays well in places like Alabama, Texas, and Oklahoma where a Darky-Socialist as President is a tough pill to swallow. I expect that she'll be around for awhile, but will hopefully contradict and gaffe herself into oblivion. And when she finally does, good riddance!

HELP! I'm Being Micromanaged.

2008-11-12T07:19:00.000-08:00

I am in a tight spot right now. Very recently and very suddenly, my direct supervisor has become very constricting in her management style. Though she never deferred things to me, she had always exhibited trust in my knowledge and capacity to execute tasks both complex and mundane. Sure there were times where I made mistakes or glossed over a minute detail or two, but I learned from those experiences and applied the corrective actions. I am, after all, a human being and learning a new role does not come without it's share of goofs.

But within the past couple of weeks, she's been very assertive with the dominant role she has in our working relationship. For example, she has been making noticeably more references to the fact that she manages our team and our workload. Where in the past she has welcomed cooperating with other teams and has been supportive of my being a resource for collaborative projects, she is now becoming agitated with other managers and me when I have been working on such collaborations (a turf war has even broken out with another team). She is giving detail-specific directions on tasks as routine as writing an email and is becoming more and more critical of my performance by the day. And most worrying, she has painted me into a corner in terms of what sort of contributions she wants me to make to the point where I'm afraid these new limitations could be perceived as a sort of demotion by other teams.

There could be a million things contributing to this change in behavior. Her boss could have taken a similar turn and she could be reflecting that in her relationship with me. She could be nervous with the economic environment and thinks that being more...direct would make our team perform better. It could be personal problems. Or all of the above. The fact of the matter is there is nothing I can do except grin and accept it. A job is a job, after all.

I mean, what can you really say to your boss when they're behaving this way? If the company's atmosphere is more permissive and less bureaucratic, you might be able to have a sit-down, but unfortunately, my company is very conservative in terms of its bureaucracy and deference to hierarchy. And despite the fact that my boss has always encouraged open communication, I'm afraid that having this sort of discussion might be construed as an attack on her character and I really don't want to rock the boat.

The tact that I have decided to take is to roll with it and not let it get to me. There are going to be times where I am going to be pushed, but keeping my cool when things get dicey and acrimonious has always been a challenge for me, so I am trying to use this as a learning experience. My hope is that it will make me a better communicator and a better listener.

At the end of the day, I need to get my work done and if I let this permeate my psyche, my productivity will crash. Furthermore, taking it home with me will ruin the time I have away from this place. So, when Becky asks me how my day was, my standard answer has been "Fine, thanks. Elizabeth was a bitch. What do you want for dinner?" By leaving the battle at my office, it makes it easier to come here every morning and fight another day.

As PrettyMike always tells me, this, too, shall pass. My boss will lighten up (both in her mood and grip) and our working relationship will get back to the way it was. Despite turning into a programmed robot and punching the clock when I am micromanaged, I'm keeping my eye on the prize and am trying to learn as much as I can. It's the only lemonade I can make with this lemon, but lemonade nonetheless.

A Black Sheriff?

2008-11-05T13:41:00.000-08:00

Why not? It worked in Blazing Saddles.

Just when my faith in the American people had bottomed out, they made the right choice for President yesterday. It hasn't really set in for me yet, but what we all witnessed yesterday easily ranks in the top five amazing things to have happened in American history. We might not have been the first developed, industrialized, G-7 country to elect a woman as Commander in chief, but by God, we were the first to elect a person of African descent. For a country whose own historical image is so blighted with racism, this is the ultimate redeemer. Pat yourself on the back, America. You done good.

That said, we done good more so because we picked the better candidate. Period. His resume may be paper thin, but his ability to inspire us is truly amazing. Unlike 2000 or 2004, elections that were so tainted with acrimony, in 2008 I have been receiving calls from some of the staunchest Republicans saying things like "He's our President now and I respect that. But, Goddammit, he better keep that bitch Pelosi on a short leash!"

To all of those Republicans out there (God love 'em), I think you can rest easy. Number one, the Senate is not filibuster-proof, so I suspect we'll see the cots rolled in a few times. Number two, the organizational juggernaut that was the Obama campaign demonstrates how meticulous this guy is in surrounding himself with people who know what they're doing and do it well. In stark contrast to his predecessor, who once wanted someone on the Supreme Court whose main qualification was to once say to him "You are the best President ever!", Obama has been surrounding himself with talented and effectual people from all ends of the spectrum. In this sense, he is Bill Clinton 2.0, so I don't think we have to worry about Communist re-education camps.

The only question mark is the House. While Obama is a healer and someone who, despite what his critics say, appeals to everyone, Nancy Pelosi is a stereotype of liberalism at its worst. She is an effete San Francisco liberal culture warrior who probably came to mind and subsequently caused hesitation in the minds of millions yesterday prepared to vote for Obama. Her time, and all of the other greater-than-or-equal-to Baby Boomers' time, has come and hopefully Obama will usher in new kind of politician, one not steeped in this 60's nonsense that is completely useless in the face of 21st Century challenges.

There you have it: despite the fact the guy is black (or half-black; either way, it's HUGE!), he is so anti-status quo. This election has changed American politics forever, from the players to the 30 minute infomercials, and for the better. And that's what I can't get my head around. There will be tests and there will be struggles, but hopefully we have been inspired to get things done and have inspired the world to once again get behind us.

Denouement

2008-11-03T12:51:00.001-08:00

At long last, the 2008 general election will be decided tomorrow...just in time for the 2012 campaigns to kick off. I, for one, am happy it's over. Despite definitely voting for Obama, I am not convinced a McCain presidency would be a "kiss of death, unless he kicks the bucket and, God forbid, Sarah Palin is President.

No, I think McCain is so desperate to win this thing that he'll say anything and kiss any butt that he think will make it for him. If he's to win, I think once he gets in office he will disown the southern-fried moralists (Thank you, Economist) he's been courting since becoming the GOP nominee. Conversely, I don't think Obama is going to be the Black-Nationalist-Socialist all the hystericals think he's going to be. The fact of the matter is whoever inherits the White House is not going to have time to play ideological politics because they are going to be charged with cleaning up KooKoo Bananahead's incompetence.

What a contrast it is from the 2000 election. Our biggest problem was that we had too much of a surplus. I think if someone from 2000 walked into a time warp and emerged in 2008, their head would probably explode: they wouldn't be able to cognitively process who much this country's situation has deteriorated. Two wars? The World Trade Center and the Pentagon had planes flown into them? Gas is $4 per gallon? What's a "credit default swap? We are in a very bad place and whoever wins is either going to be a national hero, forever endeared in the annals of American history, or a miserable failure that would make Jimmy Carter look like a decisive leader.

I have said it repeatedly, but I think we need someone who is going to challenge us; a sort of "national personal trainer". As a society, we are out of shape in every way possible and we need to recapture some of our old spirit. I think the person to do this is Barack Obama; you might think differently. Either way, go vote; it will make you feel big and strong. (Thanks, Bob Schieffer)

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

2008-10-31T05:55:00.000-07:00

There is that "holiday" feeling in this office today. Number one, everyone is wearing jeans, which is normally anathema to the Directors around here, what with being robots without the ability to feel human emotion and all. Two, the normally silent-except-for-clicking-of-keyboards sea of cubicles is lively with idle chit-chat about tonight's planned bacchanalia. Nothing is going to get done today.

That's because it's the day of the year that's tied for best with Christmas: Halloween. Whatever your plans are and who/whatever you are dressed as, have a great day and an even better night!

Why is Being Rich Bad?

2008-10-30T11:14:00.001-07:00

If the Republicans and their red meat were to be believed, you would think they would applaud Barack Obama's pledges to cut taxes for those making (what is it now?) less than $200,000 per year. After all, this is now the party of "Joe the Plumber", the little guy, and the "real America". They're looking out for YOU and intend to be a bulwark between you and everyone on the Socialist take. No, hard-scrabble, blue collar, American. No elitist, utopian, Pinko, fag-loving, Jew-liberals are gonna take YOUR money.

Meanwhile, Democrats are making their tired appeals to unions and spouting off their anti-corporate boilerplate language, making claims to end tax breaks for the big, bad, oil companies and unpatriotic companies who ship jobs overseas. Only the bourgeois pampered richies will have tax increases; the rest of you, you hardworking heroes, you, will have tax cuts. HUZZAH!

So, while both candidates have been racing to the bottom with their opportunistic populism to court the "Joes", rich people have either been demonized or swept under the rug. They are the perennial scapegoat for the Dems and the hot potato this year for the GOP. Such pariahs, they are, those people who work hard and make tons of money. How unAmerican! But, this is something that has been creeping into American culture for awhile, based on my observations, way before the financial meltdown or even this year's Presidential campaigns.

There is no denying it: my family is loaded. My great-grandfather, Nathan Gumenick, lived the American dream. He was the son of poor immigrants in Baltimore and, yada yada yada, worked his ass off and died a multimillionaire at 95 in sunny Miami Beach. I thought stories like this are celebrated and hallowed in American culture; with a lot of grit and determination, you can make your dreams come true. I thought it's everyone's dream to work hard, make money, and leave the next generation better off than yours was.

But throughout my life, I have always been made to feel guilty because of where, and more importantly who, I came from. I've always encountered people who have made snide comments about the car I was driving or the size of my parents' house. As a younger man, I got so guilted that I vowed that when I was out on my own, I would live more modestly than my parents because I wanted to be "real". If I could, I would go back in time and kick Younger-Me's ass. Not because it's so stupid that I was so concerned with being "real", or even that I thought I could be less "real" with a lot of money, but because this world is a rough place and a lot of money won't make all problems go away, but it certainly helps. Who in their right mind (besides a nun/monk who takes a vow of poverty) would want less than what they were brought up with? This is when I would back-hand Younger-Me.

But, the fact of the matter is that we are now conditioned to frown on prosperity. Even I have been browbeating "greedy" Wall Street. In this country, it used to be that we viewed someone who got rich as an example; someone we could learn from. Now, we view people who get rich with jealousy and resentment. Wealth is demonized because of our collective sense of entitlement and victim mentality born in the Great Society. Viewed through this lens, the wealth people acquire is not made through one's own hard work, but at someone else's expense.

The Presidential campaigns have appropriated this and are capitalizing on it. However, by doing so, they are stifling the ideal of "manifest destiny" and perpetuating the victim mentality. Case-in-point, look at Barack Obama's infomercial last night (which, I must say, was brilliant and has turned a new page in presidential politics). His "American stories" were not about successes, but about failures. Not one of them captured the American spirit as we know it. No one was celebrated for growing a small business or beatified for an innovation or creation. It focused on people who need help and that's all.

I guess that's the mood we're in this time round, but that type of pandering doesn't serve us well. The candidates should focus less on everything they're going to do to help, and more on how we can contribute to making ourselves whole again, by promoting and sustaining an environment that supports prosperity. Despite what the two parties think, neither of them have a monopoly on that objective. However, the two of them are as far from that sentiment as they ever have been. It's wrong for America.

The Agony of Being a Tennessee Fan

2008-10-27T05:29:00.000-07:00

University of Tennessee fans and fans of any Philadelphia professional sports team have one very important thing in common: they are quick to turn on their team when things start going so south and when they do so, they do it with a vengeance. Many a Tennessee football coach, including legend Johnny Majors, has seen moving vans arrive at his house when the three-loss threshold has been reached. Sometimes, the pranks are a lot worse.

As a typical Tennessee fan, myself, I am partial to screaming "YOU SUCK!" when we don't make first downs and laugh sarcastically when we get penalties. I see it as "tough love". People who watch the game with me, however, wonder why I get so angry watching the team that I supposedly love. I retort that it is the agony of being a Tennessee fan.

If normal seasons result in agony, this season has resulted in pure, electrode-clipped-to-nipples, flown-to-a-secret-CIA-prison-and-waterboarded torture. The first game against UCLA, our defense (which is amazing) forced four interceptions in the first half. But, our offense (which is abysmal) failed to capitalize on any of them. The then-quarterback, Jonathan Crompton, was a basket-case who, when he wasn't running head-first into the opposing secondary, was screaming at his receivers for not catching the pass he threw to the sixth row in the bleachers. Because of sheer offensive impotence, the defense spent way too much time on the field and was exhausted by the end of the game and ended up relenting in overtime.

And this has been the story all season. Two weeks after that heart-breaker, Florida marched into Knoxville and silenced the crowd of 106,000 by pile-driving us 30-6. The orange exodus from the stadium at the start of the third quarter was stunning. Subsequently, the nail-biting loss to Auburn of 14-12 (whose offense is also abysmal), the thorough defeat by Georgia of 26-14, and Saturday's lashing by arch-rival Alabama of 29-9, has given the Vols their worst season since I can remember. The only SEC team we have beaten was Mississippi State and the only other two games we have won were the gimmes against Alabama-Birmingham (who?) and Northern Illinois (huh?).

This monstrosity has led to more militant Tennessee bloggers to call for coach Philip Fulmer's fat head (some of them literally). Some want them to lose all of their games so it is clear he needs to be fired (the "Throwing-out-the-baby-with-the-bath-water" approach). No true Tennessee fan, including yours truly, wants to see him at the helm next season. But, is it really all his fault?

Yes, Fulmer lacks any sort of charisma or leadership qualities, does not inspire discipline, and his murky recruiting dealings have hurt the team's reputation. But, he was the only coach to give us a national championship since 1967. And, let's face it: Florida, Georgia, Alabama, and Auburn are all really good teams. Maybe we shouldn't have lost to all of them, but I don't think any team this year, not even Texas, would be able to slay all of those beasts, especially not powerhouse Alabama. And even Alabama, as good as they are this year, still has to play at LSU November 8. The SEC is just the best conference in college football. Period.

As a cooler head in this debacle (yet heated up, nonetheless), I am prone writing this season off. We're not going to a bowl game, at least not a good one, and, needless to say, we are not in contention for the SEC East, let alone the entire conference. We will probably have a new coach next season and we will probably be back to our perennial second or third place in the SEC East. I might be deluding myself, but to use a mantra that Boston Red Sox and Chicago Cubs fans know all too well, "There's always next year".

Obama's Gamble

2008-10-23T13:38:00.000-07:00

A lot of hubbub was made a few weeks back (yours truly, included) when John McCain suspended his campaign to "sort out" this financial crisis. It smacked of opportunism and, like most of his campaign decisions to date, it seemed impulsive and not well-thought-out. Of course, he was shamed back into "resuming" his campaign.

Now, Obama is taking a few days off to go to Hawaii to visit his ailing grandmother. With the exception of a few pundits out there, most people are regarding this as a legitimate hiatus. Though, I will be appalled if, in that time, he shamelessly has the press following him around. If he's going to visit his grandmother because he's afraid she might not have much longer, as he insists, he needs to tell his press entourage to kick back at Waikiki beach for a few days and give him some space.

That said, this suspension and McCain's suspension are apples and oranges. First, Obama is not suspending his entire campaign; Michelle, Joe Biden, and many other surrogates are still running the circuit and making appearances while Barry spends QT with Grandma. Secondly, when McCain suspended his campaign, the negative ads still ran, McCain was still attending fundraisers, and his surrogates were still making appearances.

A lot of people are calling this a gamble and I suppose that's a legitimate concern when you're this close to the election. But, unlike the transparent motives that drove McCain to suspend his campaign, I don't think Obama's motives are going to get him stung.

A Case of the Tuesdays

2008-10-21T13:43:00.000-07:00

For most people, Monday is a dark and ominous day; it's the beginning of the work week where you report back from your weekend furlough and shackle yourself back in until Friday. It seems as though my current mood is permeating my words. I don't hate work, I don't hate my job, and I don't look at Monday through Friday as a prison sentence. It's just that we all have bad days and this Tuesday is pretty bad.

I woke up late this morning because something told me I should stay in bed. Despite my ominous feeling, the ride to work was beautiful and cloudless. The sun shone, the air was crisp, and O&A were hilarious. Can't be too bad right? Well...

For starters, Tuesdays are always my worst and busiest days. The higher-ups with their infinite wisdom have decided Tuesday is the day we execute our processes. Yes, I am aware that "execute our processes" sounds like innuendo for a bowel movement. But that would imply that process execution is even halfway as thrilling as a bowel movement, which it certainly is not. So in addition to my increased, but totally mundane, Tuesday workload, my sinuses have decided that they're going to inflate like balloon animals inside my head. I had plans to run home during lunch and get some meds, but that was kiboshed by a server crash, which prompted my supervisor to call me every five minutes to think out loud. As her mood ebbed and flowed with her calls, my head hurt more and more and I became slower and slower.

Every little thing, no matter how inconsequential, required so much more effort. And despite the fact that I had a million people breathing down my neck, the day was CREEPING. It's just a day where I hate this place and I want to tell everyone off. But I know, "this too shall pass" and tomorrow with a little more caffeine and sudafedrine, I will be in better spirits. But, all bets are off if Rajesh Kumar Vishnukolakola emails me with a participation certificate for his cricket league that he thinks satisfies a CPE credit.

WaPo Endorses Obama: DUH!

2008-10-17T12:48:00.000-07:00

In one of the most obvious moves of the new century, the Washington Post wrote an editorial today that endorses Obama for President. I don't know what shocks me more: that this is coming from an ever-so-slightly left of center newspaper or that McCain and his mean-spirited and out-of-touch campaign alienated them.

In an equally un-obvious development, I also endorse Obama for President. While my past words might make this seem obvious, I was on the fence about these two until well into the summer, but Sarah Palin and the awful, hateful things McCain's supporters have been saying and doing have alienated me, just like they have with other Independents. Hopefully Obama can pull it out, but those of you who have been lucky enough to have the conversation with me on who I think will win know that I think good old-fashioned, deep-seeded racism is going to trump "hope" and financial catastrophe.

But, the fundamental question for me has always been: who cares who newspapers and, especially, celebrities endorse for President? Alec Baldwin is a comic genius, but his celebrity does not give him license to talk down to the "savages" and tell them who is good for them. We Americans invented the institution of modern democracy, yet more and more we base our decision on who other people tell us we should vote for. We are increasingly uneducated and ignorant on the real problems facing us and it is up to us to educate ourselves so we can confidently pull the lever on Election Day.

I despise it when I'll ask people what issues are driving their concerns this year and they retort with "I don't know and I don't really care." I just find it shocking that with everything confronting us this year that many Americans out there still look at politics and current events as something they took for a semester in high school that have no consequential effects on their current lives. If you take this world view, you don't deserve to vote, pure and simple. But, you're probably voting for McCain.

Todd and Betty Sue Are Here!

2008-10-16T13:30:00.000-07:00

A visit with my parents is like a coming-of-age, John Hughes movie: you laugh, you cry, there is a big fight, and, generally, there's a happy ending.

That said, I am noticeably more edgy today than usual. Even before they arrived, there has been drama about the hotel where they were supposed to stay in: we told them repeatedly not to stay there, they book reservations there, we tell them again today for shits and giggles that we don't think it's that nice a place, and they subtly ask us why we never told them this. Ahhh, it's been too long.

However, the drama that accompanies my parents goes much deeper than what is mentioned above. For years, a visit with them made me feel like I was constantly walking in a minefield: I wouldn't know what I was going to say, do, or what I had done to disappoint them. It could be as inconsequential as the restaurant I have chosen or the fact that I have "abandoned" them to be under my inlaws' sphere of influence. It was a rocky road and my marriage initially caused quite a few strains, but I think all of us have finally figured out a way to work together.

My family's MO has always been this: avoid upsetting each other by keeping things to yourself. I was raised in an environment where dishonesty was tolerated because it meant Papa wouldn't bite your head off. Since this was so fundamental in me, it was my MO for awhile, too. But, I decided awhile ago that life is too short to be dishonest with the people to whom you are the most close. If you can't be honest with them, what's the point? This change in my tact makes me feel better and, I think, has even changed my mom's manner with my wife and I. It makes the relationship easier and stronger and it gives everyone a chance to spend quality time together in the short time we have to be together.

Despite the history and my angst, I am really excited to see my parents. I'm probably going to have an adrenaline crash on Sunday, but it should be a wonderful weekend.

A Return to Socialism?

2008-10-15T13:22:00.000-07:00

As economic nuclear winter ensues and the Dow continues its downward trajectory (a 733 point drop today), there are a lot of Chicken Little's running around screaming that the sky is falling. Everyone is a critic; some say the government is doing too much, while others chastise Uncle Sam for not doing enough. The fact of the matter is the government doesn't yet know how much is exactly needed of it because no one, not even the bastards that put us all in this position, know how far this has permeated the global economy.

Based on the Economics-101 knowledge I have of high finance, I think Hank Paulson is doing a wonderful job of making lemonade out of the humongous lemons he has been given. While I don't think he should have expected Congress to write him a blank check and cast no oversight on him, I do think his sense of urgency and his navigation thus far are praise-worthy. As I said in another post, I think it is our lawmakers who have shamed themselves, not to mention the respective silence and opportunism of the Obama and McCain campaigns, and their handwringing (and hand-tying) have hobbled whatever effective government response there has been.

But anyway, back to the Chicken Littles. I love these armchair quarterbacks out there, whether they are journalists or my neighbor, who think they have a fix for this. "What they should have done is this...and what they need to do is that". Oh, please. Number one, if you know what they need to do or should have done, you wouldn't be writing for a newspaper or working for FactSet. Number two, how do you propose to fully understand a scenario that not even the people who created it even half-way understand? As such, in my opinion, only your observations are valid; your prescriptions can wait until banks stop failing, the stock market bottoms out, and homeowners stop defaulting en masse on their mortgages.

One of favorite gripes usually comes from the ranks of I-bankers, hedge fund managers, and/or any of the other narcissists who flaunted karma and brought everything crashing down. You hear them talking about the "People's Republic of Wall Street" and how partial nationalization of the big banks amounts to socialism. Even Paulson himself said nationalization in the banking sector is anathema to his beliefs. Notwithstanding the audacity these scumbags have to complain about the entity that is absorbing all of the consequences of their detrimental short-sightedness, what choice does the government have? In 1929, Treasury Secretary Andrew Mellon's response to the stock market crash was to tepidly leave the mess for the banks to sort out. And look where it got us. Now, with the complete global interconnectedness and interdependence of finance, without some hedge, some mitigation of risk, the Great Depression would look tame compared to what could happen.

We don't "do" socialism in this country. It's totally against who we are and where we came from. However, we're in no position to decry the government for trying to throw its weight against the specter of a complete global economic meltdown. Who knows if any of this will work, but we don't know unless we try. When the market rebounds and these schmucks figure out another way to cheat the system and make gazillions of dollars (they always do), the government will be in a unique position to sell its assets, thereby chomping down a tremendous amount of our national debt.

If I'm being too harsh on Wall Street, it is not my intention. I believe the blame goes all around: from the culture of deregulation to the homeowners who bit off more than they can chew. I just think that Wall Street should know better and, furthermore, the smugness and self-righteousness they have demonstrated throughout this process makes you wonder "If they're up here, who's running Hell?"

At the risk of contradicting my statement above, I have my own observations about this whole drama. Despite the fact that the stock market has dropped 40%, I think it is a good thing. The fact of the matter is that meaningless paper was traded at such incredibly inflated values for so long that investors, the market, and the invisible hand are re-evaluating their assets and finding the point of where they are supposed to be. And once everything stabilizes and the system corrects itself, then these guys can think up their next "Get-Rich-Quick" scheme. It might seem like socialism is on the way in, but Capitalism is here to stay.

Here's to the Fall

2008-10-14T13:15:00.000-07:00

Every time of year, with the exception of mid-January to early March*, can lay claim to being the "best time of year". The spring always represents a new beginning; it breathes new life into our selves and reinforces our sense of ambition and resolve. The summer is when we do our "living"; every responsibility we otherwise so rigidly adhere to is back-burnered as we sneak out a little early on Thursdays to beat the beach traffic. The early winter, from Thanksgiving to New Years, reinforces the notions of togetherness, generosity, and resolution.

Despite the positive aspects of these seasons, they also have negative ones, though not as numerous and far less underwhelming. For example, spring can bring weeks of rain and invariably brings its allergies. Summer can bring excruciating heat and always has traffic jams. Early winter also has its traffic jams and soccer moms with Christmas sweaters who will throw elbows to get whatever the hot new item is this year. Again, these are far outweighed by their positive, uplifting brethren, but must be contended with, nonetheless.

Then there's the fall. Ahh, <deep nasal inhalation> yes, the fall. The period of mid-September to early November is a wonderful juncture of the summer's relaxing qualities with the finality and togetherness of early winter. We spend most of our free time in the outdoors, as we do in the summer, just maybe with a sweater. We get together with friends on weekends, navigating corn mazes and tailgating before a football game by day and sipping spiked cider by a bonfire by night. I find everything about this time of year, from the vibrant colors of the trees to the universal sense of snapping back into reality, so inspiring.

When I was a kid, the fall, mid-to-late October, especially, was hands-down my favorite time of the year. October 15 going forward until Halloween, I would come home from school and immediately change into my Halloween costume. The excitement peaked when we carved the pumpkins acquired from Ashland Berry Farm and reached its crescendo when we set out on Halloween night. As I grew older the excitement followed the same trajectory, only pumpkin-carving was replaced by purchasing economy-size packages of toilet paper and trick-or-treating was replaced by drunken costume parties that involved slutty Catholic school girls, maids, nurses, policewomen, etc.

At 28, I still feel the same inspiration and excitement that I have every fall. I love watching the leaves gradually change into their magnificent colors, I love college football, I love "Rocky Horror Picture Show", I love thinking about what I am going to dress up as, I love pumpkin patches, hot cider, and barbecues where you have to wear a sweater. But, I also love how fall marks the beginning of the slide downward into the cold, dark months and how it reinvigorates our sense of purpose. I actually like how the work is picking up and how everyone, including myself, naturally snaps back into it after being distracted all summer.

I guess you could look at these latter qualities represent fall's negatives and I guess you would be right. But, unlike the traffic jams of summer, histamine-infused agony of spring, and overly-aggressive soccer moms of early winter, I love these negative qualities. Onward to Halloween and hip hip hooray for the fall!

*No offense, mid-January to early March, but you're cold, miserable, and nobody likes you.

We Are Rome

2008-09-30T14:51:00.000-07:00

Well, it's official. As a country, we have become so indulgent, decadent, and juvenile that not even the menace of economic nuclear winter can't snap us into place.

From Nancy Pelosi's unnecessary blame-heaping on the Bush Administration to the GOP's 8th-grade girl response of voting down the Bailout, the US House of Representatives has shown that it is inherently dysfunctional. My only hope (and maybe I'm just deluding myself) is that the $1.2 TRILLION loss in paper wealth their little catfight yielded yesterday might smack some sense into them. In other words, it will hopefully show them that their actions (or in this case, inaction) can have tremendous consequences downstream.

Consequences or not, the realist in me says that they are beyond acting responsibly. Despite facing re-election every two years, House members are ludicrously removed from the people they "represent". When they are not entertaining top-shelf lobbyists or big-figure contributors, they are surrounded by a wall of consultants telling them to say this, do that, look this way, say something that way, etc. Their only objective is to get re-elected; they don't give a damn about you or I.

But, we have let them get this way. People have gotten so wrapped up in themselves and their immediate gratification, that they have been perfectly content having no idea what happens on Capitol Hill. For far too long, the mantra has been "Me, me, me; Mine, mine, mine". Now, that way of life is circling the drain and people are interested again. All it takes is the average American to see a list of ONE DAY'S worth of House business, and that 99% incumbency rate (yes, 99% of House members breeze through re-election) can be in serious jeopardy.

The reason everyone is so shocked and appalled by this latest twist is because this is actually a time when the House's dysfunction is on full display and has repercussions. Fortunately, optimism rallied the markets today, getting just over half back of what was lost yesterday. But, once again the ball is in the House's court. Let's hope they hit a nice shot down the line at Wall Street, rather than duffing it into the next court.

McCain's Campaign is Venomous and Delusional

2008-09-26T09:11:00.000-07:00

In case you haven't heard, McCain blinked and "resumed" his campaign (did he ever really suspend it?). Now that the biggest political "Hail Mary" in history has turned out to be an incomplete pass, he has been left with very few options.

But, apparently his campaign has decided to take an even lower road (didn't think that was possible) and become even more disdainful of the Obama campaign. Furthermore, they have just completely lost touch with reality.

I don't like the idea of giving a former Goldman CEO $700 billion to prop this nation's counting houses just so they can figure out a way to cheat the system and get us into a similar mess 20 years down the road. Becky and I didn't bite off more than we could chew when we got our mortgage and we manage to pay it on time every month. We pay our taxes and try not to carry credit card balances. Unlike the morons out there who used their homes as ATM's, opened up credit cards to buy Hummers, and finance first-class vacations with home equity loans, we have tried to live within our means. That said, we also understand that if the government (God help us !) doesn't do anything about this debacle, economic Armageddon will ensue.

But, McCain and the Republican party have decided that political grandstanding and their one-size-fits-all ideology toward taxes is more important that salvaging global finance as we know it. First, his aforementioned stunt and, secondly, once an agreement is about to be hashed out, the Republicans decided that "the Amurican tayx-payer shouldn't be spendin' money on all them Jew-faggot-liberal-bankers in Jew York!" Apparently, staring into the financial abyss is preferable. God help us, indeed.

But, it's worse. Yes, McCain blinked. But his campaign's statement today was an exercise in bitter spite and self-delusion. According to Rick Davis and the other poo-throwers, there's a blame game going on and it's all the Democrats' fault. They stood there kicking and screaming and turning blue in the face until they could take all of YOUR money. No, it had nothing to do with head-in-the-sand, opportunistic GOP House members sabotaging the deal once it was made. No no, "Barack Obama's priority was political posturing in his opening monologue defending the package as it stands." Nice of them to conveniently leave out the fact that "the package as it stands" was conceived not by Pelosi's Tax-Loving Liberal Democrats, but by a Bush-man himself, Hank Paulson.

But despite McCain being shamed back into running a campaign and debating, the minions have betrayed their puppet-master and Bush is up a creek without a paddle. But, we all are because, as of yet, we don't have a flippin' plan to literally save the economy! Wow, political dithering might actually be our downfall. Way to prove a point, GOP!

I really hope this latest stunt comes back to bite McCain and his party. It once again showed his impulsive side, but it also showed that he would be willing make such a gamble because he thought it would win him some electoral brownie points. Furthermore, it shows him at the helm of a party that would rather see this country implode financially than raise those Gosh-Durn taxes. I hope whoever moderates this debate tonight rides him so hard on this foolish decision that he blows a gasket and socks Obama in the face. You know, shows us "The Real McCain".

I Ain't As Good As I Once Was

2008-09-23T14:25:00.000-07:00

For those not familiar with Toby Keith, "I Ain't As Good As I Once Was" is a first-person narrative of a guy who realizes that the reality of his age has set limits on how bold his actions can be. But, more fundamentally, it speaks of a man's influences as he ages; the proverbial angel and devil on each of his shoulders.

James Robert "Robbie" Copeland has always been a blur in this area. He was the first person I saw (besides my parents) when I got back from France in 2001. But our first activity was to smoke a blunt in the parking lot at Regency Square with some girls who had just started their own "rap label". "Welcome back to Richmond," I recall him saying to me, with a slight chuckle. He rallied all of my old friends to come to New York for my wedding, but he also rallied me to party like a rockstar until 4 AM the night before.

So, when Robbie and his fiancee came up to Stamford this past weekend, I knew the lines would be blurred again. And it was proven to me when I walked into Cost-Less Liquors: rather than my usual purchase of a bottle of wine or a six-pack of imported beer, like it was automatic, I went straight for the 30-pack of Bud Light. This stayed straight throughout the weekend, from the copious consumption of that 30-pack to the vine-swinging at the Frisbee Golf course.

For me, Robbie resembles the time of my life when the only consequences were that if you drank too fast, you'd run out of beer. "So what if you have to go to work tomorrow? I gotta go to work, too. The night is young and those girls wanna party!" Not as a person, but as an institution, Robbie reminds me of a time in my life that was black, white, and free of complications. Even if it's just for a weekend, it's fun to revisit that time in your life, in a much more watered-down way.

The last verse of "I Ain't As Good As I Once Was" goes:

I ain't as good as I once was/
That's just the cold, hard truth/
But, I still throw a few back/
And talk a little smack/
When I'm feelin' bulletproof/
So, don't double dog dare me now/
Cuz I'd have to call your bluff/
I ain't as good as I once was/
But, I'm as good once as I ever was

As we grow older, we might understand the consequences (mental and physical) that our actions can have on ourselves. But, for that one time, it's a helluva lot of fun. Thanks for a great weekend, dude.

Lazy Saturday, Redefined

2008-09-15T05:52:00.000-07:00

A few years ago , on any given September Saturday, I might just now be awakening with a massive headache, still reeking of Jagermeister and Parliament lights. I would stumble out to my living room, collapse on the sofa, kick last night's McDonald's trash off the coffee table, and turn the TV to ESPN for the latter hour of "College Gameday". Maybe in an hour, I would put on some coffee and think about starting my Saturday.

Alas, those days are well behind me (and just as well). Where a few years ago, a Friday night would include drinking in at least four bars and late night smoking (yes, that kind), a current Friday consists of delicious delivery food, channel surfing in bed, and being asleep by 10:30, at the latest. On occasion, we go into the city for dinner and drinks or over to a neighbor's for the same, but for the most part, this is it.

And that is perfectly fine with me. This past Friday night, I was full-on excited to eat sushi in bed and play "Medal of Honor" on the Wii while Becky read her "People" magazine. Then, to "sleep in" (until 9:19) on Saturday is phenomenal. I might still catch some of "College Gameday", but it's on in the background as I do my weekend toiling: putting away dishes, taking stock of what food we need for the week, touch-up painting, etc.

A few years ago, this would have been incomprehensible to me. But, this is where the dust of my life has comfortably settled. And it's not like it's without compromise; last week, I went to Shea and stumbled in half-drunk at 1:00 AM. I can still go out and have fun, but I know now where the line needs be drawn to also proactively run a household and be a good partner to my wife.

So, I'm growing into another part of my life. 28 is a really interesting juncture.

Lamenting 9/11: A Truly Squandered Opportunity

2008-09-11T05:41:00.000-07:00

When it comes to September 11, 2001, there are two types of people in this country. There are those who are still reacting to it and think it should be used as a primer for action by our government and by society, in general. These people use it as an excuse and a crutch and, in so doing, they have corrupted a national tragedy and muddied this country's good name, both domestically and internationally. For these folks, 9/11 is a lens through which we should view everything that happens in the world; black and white, but no gray area.

There are also those who look at it for what it was: a horrific spectacle of hate and jealousy of our society realized by 19 maniacs who used religion to justify their disgusting action. This latter group was effected by 9/11 when it happened and immediately thereafter (how could they not be?) and were hoping it would be springboard for action in this country, much like Pearl Harbor was in 1941. But, when 9/11 was so obviously politicized and, by not joining the giant lynch mob, they were ostracized by the self-declared "mainstream", 9/11 quickly became for these people a wasted opportunity.

At the risk of sounding unpatriotic and unsympathetic, I am one of the latter. While an innocent naiveté was lost in me when I saw the second tower erupt in a fiery blaze that morning, a sort of righteous pride in my country was born that I had never known before. I said to myself, "This is our generation's Pearl Harbor, Kennedy assassination, and Challenger explosion all wrapped into one." As a senior in college engaged in a job search, I quickly turned my focus to Washington. At that time, I was galvanized.

Even though I was much younger (mentally, emotionally, and physically), I knew our country had become lazy after 10 years as the world's top dog. I was hoping that this would be the catalyst to whip us back into shape and bring back the can-do attitude and wherewithal to start fixing the big cracks in our society. But, it didn't take long for me to notice that our government was going to politically milk this for everything it was worth and do nothing to inspire motivation, innovation, and the general American spirit among our citizens. But, it also showed how decadent and complacent our society had become.

Compared to Pearl Harbor, another turning point for American innocence, 9/11 shows that the selfless and tested Americans of 1941 have yielded to Americans who are spoiled and self-entitled. Pearl Harbor jump-started the capacity for American production and innovation; 9/11 added to Americans' already overwhelming credit card debt ("Everything will be fine. Go ye forth and shop!") The widows for Pearl Harbor never sued the government and got millions of dollars. FDR didn't use the national tragedy to belittle and neuter his political opponents.

It is true that our government cynically used 9/11 to ruthlessly advance its partisan agenda, but it is squarely the American public's fault for letting them do so. Our world of instant gratification and uninhibited selfishness simply did not enable 9/11 to become the opportunity it could have been. Thus, as a country, we are much worse off than we were seven years ago. Instead of coming together, we responded to 9/11 by tearing each other apart, if and when we were paying attention.

So, when the news media is spending the entire day harping on that terrible day, through cheesy montages and melancholy musical overtones, and both candidates are proselytizing on their respective stumps from Ground Zero, think back to the way you felt when you saw the towers fall. It might inspire in you the damaged pride and love for this country you felt seven years ago and reinforce for you the tremendous opportunity for change that awaits us on November 4, regardless of the candidate for President. Stay classy, America.

The GOP and the Kübler-Ross Model

2008-09-04T14:56:00.000-07:00

I consider myself an "Independent", not willing to be tied down by one party's ideology. Throughout the entire election cycle, I have been hesitating in getting swept up by "Obamamania" and have been critical of media outlets like NBC of being so "in the tank" of the Illinois Senator. As such an Even-Steven, I convinced myself Wednesday night that since I paid passive heed to the Democrats last week, I should probably endow the GOP with the same lukewarm involvement last week, political junkie that I am.

You won't hear me say this much, but I was wrong in my decision. After about seven minutes of Rudy Giuliani's chest-thumping, I got too angry to take any more. His rant was juvenile and, more so, it was mean-spirited, insulting, and, quite frankly, sounded angry and insecure.

So, was I surprised to read in WaPo yesterday morning that Sarah Palin gave an equally, if not more, vitriolic diatribe Wednesday night? Sadly, no. She has been under a media siege since being announced as McCain's running mate. I understand that she would want to use her pulpit Wednesday night to hit back and level the onslaught.

But her harsh, negative acceptance speech was part of a broader campaign strategy unfurled this week by Steve Schmidt and the rest of them at McCain HQ. This "strategy" smacked of the Rovian "alienation" politics that have defined President CooCooBananaHead's Administration. Basically, you paint anyone who criticizes you (or, better yet, questions you) as attacking you. But, there is something more fundamentally at play here.

Rank-and-file Republicans know deep down that Sarah Palin was a disastrous pick for a running mate. No one knows who the heck she is and, as of this past weekend, the skeletons haven't stopped falling out of her closet. They know it shows bad judgment on McCain's part and they are lamenting this decision. But, something more fundamentally is at play here

The Kübler-Ross Model "describes, in five discrete stages, a process by which people allegedly deal with grief and tragedy".

1. Denial: Witness last weekend Republicans' defending of this "brilliant choice" by McCain, someone who's going to stick it to Obama/Biden. Then her daughter turns out being knocked up out of wedlock and it's a "beautiful example of choosing life".

2. Anger: There is no doubt the acrimonious mouth-farting going on in St. Paul this past week was testament of the Republicans' fury with this situation.

At this point, the rest is all projection, but let's just have a little fun.

3. Bargaining: You can expect to hear Republicans saying there can't be any more scandals; that everything has come to light that will. You've already been hearing them cite her "executive experience".

4. Depression: After the debates, reality will set in and fundraising will sag, commercials for McCain/Palin will drop off and a general feeling of "What-can-you-do?" will fall over your Republican friends.

5. Acceptance: They admit to themselves that Palin was a miserable pick and stay home on Election Day. My brother (who considers himself on a first-name basis with Rush Limbaugh. Rush does not know this, however.) has already skipped straight to Step 5 and is going to write-in vote for Ron Paul. He provides a good litmus test because he is the type of conservative who has been wary of McCain from the get-go. He grinned and beared it, however, until the Palin pick acted as the straw that broke the camel's back. If his behavior is an accurate example of the broader behavioral patterns of true-blue conservative, McCain is in for a world of hurt.

Who knows? Maybe Palin will prove an amazing asset. But the odds of that are very unrealistic. Coming into the homestretch, McCain may have made a disastrous decision.

DNC = Democratic National CIRCUS

2008-08-28T16:09:00.000-07:00

If you've spent more than three minutes with me, you know I love politics. It's a hangover from living and working in DC, where gossip is almost indistinguishable from public affairs. I have RSS feeds from several blogs and am a junkie for "Heard on the Hill".

So, with the most interesting election (probably ever) upon us, one would think I would be in hog heaven. I have been. I was addicted to the primary battle, have read all of the analysis every step along the way, and see the poo-slinging, er...commercials, before most people do. However, the current stage of the election cycle makes me want to ignore electoral politics and plug my ears while screaming "LA LA LA LA! I DON'T HEAR YOU!" That's right; it's Convention season.

Conventions used to serve a purpose. They used to actually be where the nominee was decided and there have been some nailbiters. Even into the 20th Century, Conventions played a very important part in the electoral politics. But this was before the 24 hour news cycle, consultants, interest groups, and bottomless bags of cash. Now, the candidate is pretty much decided by March and the Conventions, especially the Democratic one, are elaborate revivals for the Church of American Political Extremism.

Anyone who has even passively watched coverage of this year's DNC knows what I'm talking about. I've only watched a few big speeches (Hillary's, Biden's, and Obama's), but even this tacit involvement was enough to really skeeve me out. Quick takes of the crowd throughout the speeches show old ladies with flat-top hats and enough plastic doo-dads to pay a Chinese factory payroll for a month, enormous fat men weeping like someone stole their pudding cups, and an ensemble that looked like an Equal Opportunity Employment poster . These people behave with such emotional fervor, they were indistinguishable from the people you see in Pentacostal mega-churches...or in a documentary of Jonestown.

I understand the tradition that accompanies the Conventions and the point that they should serve as a rallying cry for the post-Labor Day homestretch. But, the extremists are courted during the primary season and this is the time where the candidates need to be sprinting to the center, wooing independent voters like myself. After watching the DNC and hearing the populist red meat spewed once again even by respectable folks like Joe Biden, I feel alienated once again.

God only knows what the Republicans have in store for us next week.

Golf and Wild Boar

2008-08-25T14:26:00.001-07:00

What do they have in common? Well, I enjoyed both of them immensely yesterday. I awoke early, walked Millie (we have her again), and off I went with my Starbuck's to Rockland Lakes to meet Scott for the first round of golf I've played this summer.

Upon meeting Scott, at the time much to my chagrin, he greeted me with "We can drive if you want to, but I always walk." Which I read as, "Let's hoof it, you pansy." So hoof it we did, down to the first tee. Now, let me explain that I haven't swung a club in almost a year and when I did last swing a club, I didn't really "connect" with the ball. Air and clumps of grass, yes, but not so much the ball.

So, you can pretty much ascertain that the first hole was a disaster. Earlier in my life, I probably would have been cursing, red-faced, and halfway through a pack of Parliament Lights by this point, but yesterday, I just laughed. Laughed at my pathetic tee shot, my equally pathetic second shot, et cetera, all the way down to hole where I was lying double par before I even putted. I just laughed.

Everybody who has played golf has been a beginner. They have experienced the frustration of trying to swing a club with all their might only to see the ball roll a piddling 10 feet in front of them. Like everything in life, you have to start somewhere and people, golfers especially, understand this.

So, having relaxed myself on the first hole and realizing that I was out to enjoy myself, I walked up to the tee on Hole 2 and just belted one straight down the fairway. It was perfect. Perfect because my grip was relaxed, I wasn't concerned with how far I wanted the ball to go, concerned with what other people were thinking, none of that. My mind was clear and I hit a beautiful tee shot. The rest of the day was a breeze.

Now, I don't know how long 18 holes is, but carrying a golf bag on your back through the Rockland foothills for six straight hours seems like an eternity. Especially with only a hot dog a Powerade at the turn (God bless New York State golfcourses and their prohibition of alcoholic beverages). Needless to say, I'm sore as hell today and was hungry as hell last night.

Fortunately, I joined the entire Lamm clan for a wonderful meal at Lanterna in Nyack. Lanterna is probably my favorite restaurant these days. It's a wonderful mix of nouveau and country cuisine which is distinctively Tuscan. Upon Scott's and my pillaging of two baskets of bread, we ordered a Zinfandel for the table which was robust, fruity, and spicy. I first had grilled calamari that was accompanied by grilled endive, grilled radicchio, and grilled tomato all drizzled with a pesto sauce. Then, the big mother: grilled Wild Boar chops over garlic mashed potatoes and cannellini beans. It was amazing and not at all what I expected; it wasn't gamey or "porky"; it actually tasted like veal. Needless to say, the chef's lemon-parsley-sage marinade softened it up nicely. There's never been a perfect meal, but this was damn close.

All in all, a wonderful Sunday. I hope everyone was as lucky as me and had a great weekend. Now, it's back to the grind and trying to coast to the long weekend.

Jerry, You Deserve Better

2008-08-22T12:41:00.000-07:00

Those of you who know me also know Jerry. Jerry is my 2005 A4 (his name is from my old VA plates "JRE-5984") and we've been through a lot together. Three weeks after I got him, I crashed him into someone on the Roosevelt Bridge in DC, we've been back and forth between DC and New York many a time, and I've lost count of the blow-outs he's had.

For all that I have done to him (and it's been a lot), he has served me well. He might have an ugly, yellow-paint-crusted dent on his front fender and might leave a lingering gasoline odor, but he has been an steadfast horse and I hope when I put him out to stud he gets someone who treats him better than I have.

You see, I've been horrible to Jerry. It wasn't his fault he got me as his owner, it was his misfortune. I was brought up in an environment where the word "consequences" was usually followed by "schmonsequences" and when the stuff hit the fan, you could always just throw money at the problem and it would probably go away. I am not using it as an excuse, but this upbringing has left me with an incredibly impulsive side, which is one of the largest obstacles I am trying to overcome.

So, late in his career with me, Jerry needs a fair amount of work done that, of course, is not covered by warranty. I am paying the piper (literally) and, like with so many other occurrences throughout this period of self-reflection, I am looking at it as another form of penance for my hitherto blasé attitude toward responsibility and consequences. So, to all the car doors, walls, doors, door jambs, and bones (yes, I have even broken a bone or two in frustration and/or indifference), I apologize.

Another consequence of my upbringing is a complete and utter inability to admit when I make a mistake or do wrong. As such, I have been challenging myself to think through every decision I make and ask myself, "Did I do the right thing?" I realize the danger of doubting myself, but being over-confident can be just as dangerous. My hope is that asking myself this simple question will make me a better husband, friend, son, brother, son-in-law, and citizen.

I challenge everyone to take some serious time to self-reflect and identify areas for improvement. Constructive criticism is so important, especially when it comes to constructively criticizing yourself. Plus, it feels great to set goals for yourself and track your progress.

So, be nice to your car, your walls, your doors and door jambs. It might seem right at the time to kick, punch, or ram them, but paying for the damage is never right, literally or figuratively. Have a great weekend!

Bring in the Funk...But Don't Keep It Too Long

2008-08-21T08:01:00.000-07:00

For months as the media has been all "doom and gloom" about this country, I've been looking around and scratching my head: I don't know anyone who has lost their job (even an acquaintance at Bear Stearns), house prices in my area haven't budged, and my grocery bill has stayed around the same amount each week. Yes, gasoline has skyrocketed, but that's it.

But, as I checked in with a friend today to whom I haven't spoken in awhile, I noticed an exasperated, "What-are-you-gonna-do?" tone to her words. But, then I subsequently noticed that I was speaking with the same tone; I told her my job had plateaued and that the company is in a holding pattern, that I'm OK with what I am doing, but that it doesn't excite me, and that the Burbs are "alright". I know it's not cause for alarm (after all, what are the Burbs if not "alright"?), but I had thought the national funk had skipped me and those I know.

As we are constantly barraged with bad news about everything, it is easy to let it pervade your psyche. But, if I stop and think seriously about my current station, yes, there is plenty to be desired, but if everything is perfect, where is the motivation to ascend and do better? I thrive on the challenges life throws my way. But, I also realize that while I do have a limited amount of control, things generally have a wonderful way of falling into place and working themselves out. Deloitte will probably start expanding again, I am sure that some curveballs are going to be thrown my way and make my job more interesting, and Becky and I will continue to meet interesting people and explore all the wonderful apsects of Lower New England.

There isn't any optimism out there right now, but it's easy to find if you look for it. So in the words of 80's hero Casey Kasem, keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars.

*In the spirit of today's posting, I will leave you with an amazing 1980 video of the Jerry Garcia Band performing Bob Dylan's "Simple Twist of Fate". This song always helps me through the tough times.

Growing Into the Olympics

2008-08-19T14:01:00.000-07:00

Is it just me or is everyone watching the Olympics this year? Maybe I just don't remember because a lot has happened in the last four years, but I feel like I and pretty much everyone I knew snoozed through the last two Olympics in Sydney and Athens, respectively.

But, Becky and I can't get enough of them this year. Since 8/8/2008, I have found it harder and harder to wake up in the morning, as we have been staying up later and later the nights before watching gymnastics, swimming, rowing, and pretty much any sport we would otherwise never watch. (Last night, for example, I found myself enthralled by trampoline)

I've been thinking about why we and so many people we know are so into them this year. First, I thought it had to do with NBC and how they spent three and a half of the four years since Athens hyping the Games. But, no; they always do that; probably to cover the ridiculous mortgage they put on their company to broadcast them.

Then, I figured it has to do with China because of how unique it is as a country; populous, communist, authoritarian, ancient, respected, feared, and controversial. I noticed that early in the Games everyone was obsessed with the prowess of China and how advanced it was portraying itself. People were actually in awe and even I, myself, felt a little intimidated. But, this very quickly disintegrated into a sort of jealous, mean-spirited mockery, whether it was regarding the questionable age of some of the gymnasts and/or the conditions to which the performers at the Opening Ceremonies may or may not have been exposed. But even this phenomenon doesn't totally explain why my close friends and I have a new-found obsession with these Olympic Games.

But, it dawned on me last night during the intense trampoline finals: we are all four years older. Since 2004, our responsibilities have increased at work and at home, our nights have gotten earlier, and our bartabs have gotten smaller. Keeping the Games on until midnight constitutes a late night, where in 2004 I might have caught 3am skeet shooting while drunkenly wolfing down a cheesesteak from Mario's. As we unwind from our chaotic days, we find it easy to sink into bed and into the spirit fuelled by a hefty dose of John Williams' kettle-drum-infused theme song. Whether it's by the water cooler or over gazpacho at a downtown Stamford restaurant, the Olympics makes for great conversation with friends who live by routines similar to your own.

I don't look at this as a bad thing, something to regret, or as a sign that my best days are behind me. I see this as simply another chapter in this great story called "Growing Up". So, enjoy the Olympics. Who knows what the story will be in 2012.

Going to Chicago and the Biggest Game of "Risk" Ever

2008-08-15T05:37:00.000-07:00

Becky and I are heading to Chicago tomorrow and should return with some pretty good pics. I've been there once before, but it was for a wedding and I didn't have too much time to just take in the city. So, if anyone has any suggestions, please do share.

Also, I don't know if anyone knows this because it hasn't been getting very much play in the American media, but as part of the game of tic-tac-toe we are now playing with the Russians, the US has signed a preliminary deal with Poland to install 10 interceptor missiles in exchange for helping to strengthen Polish air defenses. And so it begins...again.

In any case, Happy Friday. If anyone is traveling this weekend, be safe. If you're staying home, be cool.

It's that time again

2008-08-14T14:53:00.000-07:00

Time to fill up. While I try to schedule my fill-ups around when I'm at my inlaws' (who so conveniently live adjacent to New Jersey, where gas never goes above $4.00/gallon), there was just no avoiding it this time.

I tell everyone that this is good; we need more expensive gas; it's methadone for our proverbial heroine addiction to oil. But, as I watch my fellow fillees' faces crinkle into despair as the meter climbs higher and higher, I have to wonder why we continue to take it up the rear while ExxonMobil and the like take quarterly profits upward of $10 billion.

Anyway, look for me at the Shell station across from the Norwalk DMV. I'll be the one at a blue Audi crying.

The Whole Georgia Thing...and the American Left's Complete Misinterpretation of It

2008-08-13T11:09:00.001-07:00

"Outraged" is such a dramatic word to which we have all be desensitized in the 2008 election cycle.

So, while I'm not outraged, I am pretty upset with left-leaning journalists in this country who flooded yesterday's Op-Ed pages and blogosphere with columns and posts titled such things as "Who Poked The Bear?"

According to Dan Froomkin in his "White House Watch" column in yesterday's WaPo, "hindsight suggests Bush has been playing with fire in that region for years now, and that an overpowering Russian response was a predictable outcome to continued provocation." Apparently, supporting democracy in the former Soviet Union and encouraging military cooperation with a former Russo-vassal justifies an over-aggressive military beat-down by a much larger Russian force who was spoiling for a fight.

Others further to the left sounded off on Josh Marshall's "Talking Points Memo". This gem from Monday is one of my favorites:

"Regardless of what happens next, it is worth asking what the Bush people were thinking when they egged on Mikheil Saakashvili, Georgia's young, Western-educated president, to apply for NATO membership, send 2,000 of his troops to Iraq as a full-fledged U.S. ally, and receive tactical training and weapons from our military. Did they really think Putin would sit by and see another border state (and former province of the Russian empire) slip away to the West? If they thought that Putin might not, what did they plan to do about it, and how firmly did they warn Saakashvili not to get too brash or provoke an outburst?"

I am by no means an expert, but for the American Left to place the brunt of the blame on Georgia and, by extension, a meddling, conspiratorial Bush Administration, seems entirely short-sighted. Putin's Russia (I don't care that Medvedev is president. We all know who's captain of that ship) has made it crystal-clear that their self-interest trumps all and routinely thumb their nose at international opinion. If the left is going to hold America's feet to the fire (as they rightly should) when we, contrary to international opinion and in brazen self-interest, invaded Iraq, they should call a spade a spade and blow the whistle on Russia when it does the same. But, their disdain for Bush is so potent that they are willing to forgive Russia for so egregious a violation of international law because Georgia likes the current Republican president. Talk about self-interest. But, I digress. Yes, Saakashvili did provoke an outburst from Russia. But not necessarily in the way our friend at TPM believes they did.

How did Saakashvili provoke this outburst? Well, number one, he was elected. The Russians don't like uppity democratic types who talk about "individual liberties" and the "power of free markets." They prefer good old Soviet-style-strongman-President-for-life types who keep their democratic movements brutally repressed. They continue to view these former satellite republics as their property, or in their Treaty-of-Versailles-speak, as their “near abroad”. In other words, how dare our subjects in Ukraine and Georgia act independently of their puppet-master, dear Mother Russia!

Number two is more strategic, geopolitically speaking. Georgia is the site of a very important oil and gas pipeline to Europe. By installing one of their puppets in Saakashvili's place, Russia has a near monopoly on energy supplies going to Europe. Notice they never sought to "liberate" South Ossetia and Abkhazia when their old chum Eduard Shevardnadze was president of Georgia.

I am not a Chicken-Little type by any means, but if Russia will so easily cross the line (literally) and invade a neighbor when this neighbor behaves in a manner contrary to Russia’s espoused authoritarian values, doesn't this set a dangerous precedent in a neighborhood that has come so far since the days of its repressive Communist chokehold? Who’s next? Ukraine and its “Orange Revolution”? EU/NATO Members like Poland (always a victim of the Russian bully’s proverbial wedgie)? As the T-72’s were rolling into Georgia, you could almost hear the former Eastern Bloc’s collective teeth chattering.

So, Godspeed to Georgia and the rest of Russia’s neighbors, whose misfortune it is to occupy territory adjacent to such a wretched country and people. And to the American left, please don’t lose sight of the forest for the trees.